Finding Myself
by mel121
Summary: Bella lives with her Dad Charlie and Her brother Emmet Swan in Forks, She was adopted when she was younger, her real Dad is Dr Carlisle Cullen what happens when Bella meets her long lost Father and his new family,will she accept them, will she let them in
1. Chapter 1

Finding Myself

Finding Myself - Chapter 1

We moved to forks when I was fourteen, it's a small town in Washington DC, my Dad Charlie was offered a Job working for the police force. Two years later Charlie was made chief of police having more experience coming from a big city. We originally came from Phoenix Arizona but moved because the memory's there were to hard for us to handle.

My brother Emmet is a year older then me and has always been the big protector of the family ever since my mum Renee died three years ago, she had a breast cancer and was in her late stages of the illness when they found that there was nothing more they could do.

The disease had spread towards her neck affecting her lymph glands and was spreading rapidly throughout her body. We were told to make her as comfortable as possible it was heart breaking. I wanted so badly to take it away from her she was such a loving caring person, she was the one who gave me a chance In life, she lived for another 2 months, she died at home the doctors wanted her in the hospital but she refused to go she wanted to die with her family around her, it was one of the hardest times of my life, but we haven't fallen apart if anything its made us stronger, I love Charlie and Emmet more then anything.

I was adopted when I was six years old by Renee and Charlie Swan my name is Isabella Maria Swan I'm seventeen and I'm proud to call them my parents. I was dropped off at an adoption centre when I was five, my biological parents are Carlisle Anthony Cullen and my biological mother was Helena Maria Cullen, she died when I was four and half years old she was involved in a car crash on her way home from work.  
I don't remember a lot about it, Dad and I got a call at home asking us to come into the hospital when we got there they had her on a life support machine.

(Flash back)

We had arrived on the ward where my mother was.  
"Dr Cullen I'm Dr White, I'm very sorry but your wife Helena has suffered severe head trauma to her brain we are currently keeping her alive on a life support machine which is breathing for her, we have performed test on your wife's brain to see if she's emitting any brain waves. I'm very sorry to say that there is no brain activity, the machine is currently keeping her breathing, your wife is brain dead. I'm very sorry we will give you sometime with her before turning of the machines,  
"I'm sorry I have to ask was your wife an organ donor."

My dad turned to the doctor and said with a dead voice "Yes she was, you have my permission,"  
The doctor looked down to me with a sad smile "I'm very sorry for your loss you can go in to see her now" we walked over to her bed there were machines everywhere dad was holding my hand but his mind was elsewhere he had completely shut off.

(End Flashback)

Everything changed after that dad became withdrawn he would sit around not doing anything, he never went back to work he was a doctor at the hospital had been qualified for two years he loved helping people he was so caring but after it happened he wouldn't talk, only when asked a direct question.  
I would hear him crying at night, when I went to bed he wouldn't tuck me in at night, I never had a bed time story, he never kissed me goodnight, never hugged me, he was just gone, like a shell of his former self and it scared me.  
I had learned how to use the microwave for pre packed meals, the house was a mess all the time, he just wasn't coping he wasn't trying I was losing him too.  
Then about half year later, he told me we were going out for a trip, packing my stuff he took me to the car it was the first time we had gone anywhere together since mum died. I thought he was getting better making an effort but it was worse much worse than I thought. We pulled up to a large building the sign said Julie's adoption social services, at the time I didn't know what the name meant.

(Flash back)

"Daddy where are we what is this place, are we going on a holiday are we staying here" My dad had tears in his eyes I didn't understand, how could I was only five.

"Come on baby lets go inside you will get cold out here" he said pulling me towards the building, we walked up to a desk a small dumpy woman sitting behind it.  
"Ah you must be Dr Cullen and this I presume is Isabella" she said giving me a small smile.  
"Yes" my dad replied "Can we have a minute please" he said towards the lady, she nodded and my dad pulled me over to a waiting area. He knelt down to my level looking intently at me.

"Bella baby you going to be staying here, daddy can't look after you anymore you will find another mommy and daddy one that can give you everything you deserve" he was staring at me trying to make me understand, I stared back in shock he was abandoning me.  
"No daddy No you cant I wont go I don't" I chocked out "I don't want to leave you I'll be good, I'll try harder, I'll do anything I don't understand, no you cant I love you daddy I love you no" I started crying

He picked me up hugging me tightly, I thought he was going to take me home, take me with him take me away but he set me down on my feet.  
"I love you to Bella never forget that, I just cant give you what you need I will always love you, you will always be in my heart"  
He started to walk away but I was clinging to him for dear life, hot salty tears falling down my eyes.  
"NO DADDY NO YOU CANT YOU CANT I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU DADDY PLEASE." I screamed at him then the lady from the desk came around holding onto my arms, daddy took one more look at me tears flowing down his eyes then he was gone. That was the last time I saw him.

(End flash back)

"Emmet don't touch them they just come out of the oven" I was standing in the kitchen making chocolate chip cookies Emmet's favourite.

"Oh come on Bells just one please they look so good" he said giving me the big puppy dog eyes, I just started laughing at him at that he pouted.

"Emmet you have to wait let them cool of then you can have one I promise" he smiled I added "after dinner" I laughed as he pouted harder.

"What are you making for dinner anyway" he said while taking a seat on the stool facing me.

"I'm making lasagne Dad's favourite" ever since Renee died I took over the cooking I don't mind I really enjoy it.

"Did dad get a newspaper today" he asked

"Yes it's over there" I pointed to the newspaper on the dinning room table.

We have a three bedroom house here in forks it's a nice house, needed some DIY work when we first moved in but Emmet took care of that, he put in a new bathroom and helped me paint my bedroom. Downstairs is very open planed the dinning room/lounge is at the front of the house, with stairs leading to the second floor.

The kitchen's at the back of the house with a back door going into the rear garden, upstairs there are three bedrooms and a family bathroom there is also a small office which used to be a bedroom.  
The whole house is painted a neutral cream throughout the down stairs and upstairs hallway.  
Emmet painted his bedroom light blue Dad kept his cream and I went for a lavender colour.

"What time will dad be back" Emmet spoke over the newspaper.

"About five I think he's going to call if he has to work late" I placed the lasagne into the oven and went to cutting up some vegetables I decided on some carrots and broccoli.

"Do you want me to set the table sis" Emmet asked

"Yep if you don't mind" I said.

Emmet is a great brother he's always there for me when I need someone to talk to. We comforted each other when Renee died. I was terrified Charlie was going to leave us like Carlisle did to me. Charlie kept hugging me, telling me that would never happen my insecurities didn't help the matter but I couldn't help it at the time.  
But Renee death was different, it wasn't sudden like the car accident was, it was slow and we new what was going to happen and that it would happen it didn't make it any easy but we had time to prepare.

Emmet started to set the table. "Emmet the knife's goes the other way around" he looked confused for a slight minute then smiled and changed them around.

"Do you need help with anything else" he asked

"Nope I think I'm good"

"Ok I'm going to see if there is a game on" Dad and Emmet loved watching sports every night there was some type of game on they would sit with a beer, shouting at the television, it is really funny to watch.

It was a few minutes past five when dad came through the door, I ran up to him and gave him a big kiss and cuddle, I had taken to doing this every time he came in.

"Hello dad how was your day, dinner won't be long just waiting for the vegetables to cook" he smiled down at me

"My day was fine sweetheart did Emmet behave himself today" he said laughing. "Hey Dad" Emmet shouted.

"Hey Son good game on" I rolled my eyes and continued towards the kitchen to prepare dinner.

Dinner was uneventful we talked about our days what we did at school, Emmet and I went to forks high school it was Emmet's last year, before he graduates.

I washed up the dishes while Emmet Dried, I decided to head on up to bed I had some homework I needed to finish for school tomorrow.

"I'm going to turn in early I have some homework I need to get done for school tomorrow"

"Ok goodnight honey" dad said "Goodnight sis" Emmet said.

"Night guys love you both""love you to" they both said in unison.

I made it upstairs and got my homework done it was past ten before I finally fell asleep.

**Please Review there is more to come thank you**


	2. Chapter 2

Finding Myself- Chapter 2

I woke up at the sound of my alarm going off turning towards my clock, 7.30 time to get ready for school, I looked out my window to yet another cloudy day, at least it's not raining.  
It took me a while to settle down here. Phoenix was hot all the time you never had to think of what the weather was going to be like and what cloths to wear it was always warm. Forks weather can be cloudy one day and sunny the next.

Stepping out of the warm shower I decided to wear my blue jeans and green top which tired around my front, putting my white pimps on I made my way to Emmet's room.

"Emmet come on wake up time for school" this happened every morning I was his personal alarm clock.

"Ah go away just another hour" he said pulling the covers further over his head. I laughed

"No Emmet NOW" I shouted right by his ear.

"ARRR I'm up, I'm up" he said pulling the cover off. I made my way downstairs dad had already left for work. Heading towards the kitchen I started to make some pancakes. I heard the shower shut of knowing Emmet was nearly ready I put the coffee machine on, this was our morning ritual.

"BOO" Emmet shouted making me jump.

"Emmet" I scolded "don't do that" he laughed taking a seat on the kitchen stool.

"There you go eat and stop scaring me" I scolded him while passing a plate full of pancakes and a hot mug of coffee.

"Thanks little sis you're the best sister ever" I looked at him.  
"Emmet I'm your only sister" shaking my head at him I said, "come on or we'll be late are you driving or am I"

Emmet replied his mouth full of pancakes "I will, I'm not going anywhere in that truck of yours it's a death trap."  
"Hey my trucks older then dad's great grandfather have some respect"  
"Exactly" Emmet mumbled.  
I huffed telling him to hurry up.

We made our way out to Emmet's jeep. The jeep is huge I always have to make a running jump.  
It suits Emmet perfectly he's a big guy, not fat just Muscular over 6ft tall, he towers over most people.  
A lot of people feel intimidated by him at first sight, this is why I don't have a boyfriend every guy that has got near me in the past Emmet's always there to scare them away, it suited me when I was younger, I wasn't interested in boys. But now well I am a teenager what do you expect.

I'm completely opposite; I have long dark brown hair, which curls at the bottom into ringlets. My height is an average 5ft 6 inches. I have deep brown eyes, I think I got them from my mother side.

Turning into the school, Emmet pulled the jeep next to an unfamiliar Volvo. I turned to look on the other side to see a very expensive looking red Porsche, the Porsche was surrounded by people trying to get a look inside, all the other cars in the lot are old used cars. They must be well off.

"These must belong to the new kids in town, they look rich" I pointed out turning to Emmet who was looking intently at the porch whistling he turned towards me.  
"Yeah that is a nice Set of wheels" he said while getting out off the jeep, I got out being careful not to hit the Volvo side with the door, who ever these people were they didn't seem the type to fit into forks.

We both walked across the parking lot, I spotted Kate and Angela waiting for me by there cars, they waved me over I turned to Emmet.

"I'll see you at lunch Em ok" I said while walking towards them.  
"No you wont Bells I got Practise" Emmet is the football Captain he takes his duties very seriously.  
"Oh ok then later" waving to him, I reached Kate and Angela.

"Hey Kate hey Ang" I said hugging them both, we have been friends ever since the day I moved here they took me under there wing so to speak.  
"Have you seen the new kids yet every ones talking about them apparently there's four of them, they moved down here from Alaska, there dad is a doctor going to start working at the hospital" Angela said

"That's were doctors normally work" I laughed she can be so clueless at times but I love her.

"How's Emmet" ah Kate has had a thing for Emmet ever since we moved here.  
"He's fine Kate he wont be joining us for lunch though he has practise.  
"We could go and watch him" she said enthusiastically.  
"No thanks I would rather watch paint dry" I said dryly I wasn't much of a sports person and I didn't much like football.

The bell went then so we headed off to class most of my classes I have with Angela today.  
"See you guys later I've got Spanish now" Kate said while skipping off towards her class.

We made it into English,  
"Hey Bella" Mike said coming toward me, Mike follows me around like a lost little puppy dog, I don't know how many times I have to tell the guy I'm not interested, he's a really sweet guy though on a friendly level.

"Hey Mike how you doing"

"Great Bella great" here we go I thought "Would you like to come out tonight with me" oh poor sod, he asked every day and he still manages to look nerves. "I can't Mike I have homework tonight and I have to cook dinner" I used to add maybe another time but he asks every day so.

"Oh ok maybe another time" Mike says returning to his table.  
I sat down next to Angela, who was trying hard to hold her laugh in.

Everyone was talking amongst friends, when two of the new students came into class followed by Miss Banner our English teacher.

There was a girl and a boy they were holding hands walking towards the teacher desk.

"You must be my two new students" I heard Miss Banner say to them. The boy was very cute he was tall as tall as Emmet but his build was similar to mine he was slim, but not gangly, you could see his muscles though his sweater as he walked in, his brown curly hair was slightly jelled back, he looked to be holding a protective stance over the girl.

"I'm Jasper and this is Alice" he said speaking for the girl, everyone was listening intently to there conversation.  
"Welcome to the class would you like to introduce your self's" Miss Banner said. Jasper looked a little taken aback by this gesture, but Alice looked exited as she came forward.  
"Hello everyone my name is Alice Cullen" wait what, did she say Cullen that's the same as my last name, well my old last name, it couldn't be, no stop it Bella it's just a coincidence although Cullen isn't a very popular name I mused, while I was thinking about this I had completely missed Alice introduction of herself.

I studied Alice next, she has short black spiky hair, her cloths look to be designer no surprise there if the cars are anything to go by, she seems very energetic, I've not seen her stop bouncing since she entered the classroom, and she's very short, she looks to be about 5ft but I cant be sure.

The teacher looked towards Jasper waiting for him to introduce himself, he looked like a dear court in headlights poor guy, the teacher let it go picking up on his reluctance to speak, and asked them to take the two empty seats besides Angela and I.

"Hey I'm Alice Cullen and this is my boyfriend Jasper" Alice said while holding Jasper's arm and smiling like a Cheshire cat.  
That's weird I thought they lived together.  
I turned towards them, "Hello I'm Bella, Bella Swan and this is Angela Webber"

"It's nice to meet you" Angela said shyly she was always like that around new people.  
Class seemed to drag on for hours, A couple of times throughout the lesson, I noticed Japer and Alice looking intently into each others eyes, they are definitely a couple, they look cute together. I mused

The Bell rang and packing up our things Angela and I headed towards Biology, our seats were designated in this class thanks to Mr Jeffery, he liked us to sit boy girl.  
I took my usual seat on the right side of the room, I didn't have anyone sitting next to me in this class, that was about to change as I looked towards the front of the class, one of the new student entered.  
I could feel my breathing hitch as I took him in, he's beautiful.  
He's an angel, he has to be an angel. I pinched myself, no not daydreaming Bella, if I didn't no I was alive right now, I would thing that was exactly what he is an angel, I couldn't pull my eyes away from his face no one should be that perfect, its should be illegal,

I wasn't the only one to notice, I looked around most of the girls looked to be swooning over him while the guys just looked jealous.

He's wearing blue jeans and a simple grey T-shirt, I should think if he was wearing a bin liner around him, he would still look amazing. I didn't think he could get any more perfect but then he opened his mouth to speak.

"Hello my name Edward Cullen" his voice was like music to my ears.

"Yes Mr Cullen please take a seat next to Miss Swan" Oh my god he's going to be sitting next to me and here I was, trying to get good grades in this class, how I suppose to concentrate with him sitting next to me. I noticed most of the girls glaring at me, ok girls back off, the Greek god is sitting next to me Bella Swan.

I heard him pull out the stall next to me I kept my head down sketching on my notepad, I probably looked calm on the out side but inside mentally my brain felt like it was going a mile a minute, god he staring at me say something Bella,

"H-Hi I'm, I mean my names Bella" oh god I'm a spluttering mess get together he's going to think your mentally incompetent.

"I'm Edward Cullen it's very nice to meet you Bella" oh my the way my name rolls of his tongue, err don't think about his tongue what do I say now think, think, I'm never going to survive this lesson, I'm never going to survive the year.

Mr Jeffery decided to start the class then thank god.  
"The person sitting next to you will be your lab partner for the rest of the year, as we are starting the practical part of this course." Mr Jeffery said addressing the whole class I looked towards Edward with a small smile he returned it with a crooked one. Even his smile is perfect. Wait lab partner for the whole year, no I cant, I wont pass, I can't even concentrate when I'm just sitting here with him listening to the teacher. Mr Jeffery told us to finish righting from our textbooks.  
"Could I share your textbook with you I haven't had a chance to get my own yet" I looked over shocked my mouth kept opening and closing, I probably looked like a fish gasping for air, he chuckled that brought me out.

"Err yes of course here you go" he smiled shifting over nearer to me. He smells amazing like honey lilacs in the sunshine I found myself leaning into him. I sat there staring at him unable to take my eyes of the perfection beside me, when I heard him clear his throat, I quickly adverted my gaze down to my hands, feeling the warm blush coating my face, I heard him chuckle again, oh god that was embarrassing I was openly staring at him he must think I'm some sort of freak.

I have to say something courage that all I need, he's just a guy nothing to get worked over err what is wrong with me, I have never found guys attractive before so why him, ok I'm going to work up to it start with something simple.

I turned towards him.

"Were did you move from" ok I knew this already the whole school new but I'm starting out light.

"We came from Alaska we had been there for a few years my dads a doctor he worked at the hospital there but he was offered a job here, Forks really needed a good doctor so we decide we give it a try, and my Mums an interior designer."

"They sound like amazing parents your very lucky" I said  
"They are but there not my biological parents my parents died in a car accident when I was younger" I looked at him he looked sad I felt bad for bringing the subject up.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry" he looked shocked and said "no its ok its just I don't normally talk about my parents, how about you have you got any brother or sisters" how do you say you father abandoned you, its still a raw topic for me so I said,

"I have a brother Emmet he's on the football team" at this his face perked up.

"I'm going to tryout this Wednesday I love football, I played in my last school." he said

"Well I can always introduce you to my brother he's the football captain" I encouraged

He smiled "I'm going to the meeting at lunch today to meet the team get a feel of the school grounds"

"Ok I think you're like Emmet he's a big guy but everyone gets on with him" I said.

Lesson was coming to an end I was starting to pack my things when Edward turned towards me,

"It was really nice to meet you Bella maybe we could be study partners, their some work I need to catch up on," he said looking hesitant for a minute then said "I was wondering if you like to meet sometime in the local library maybe once a week."  
Rubbing his hand through his hair. I stared opened mouth at him he wants to spend time with me outside of school at the library, get it together Bella he's waiting for an answer. "Yes Edward that would be great I'd love to, how's Thursday's sound is that ok for you."  
He gave me a crooked smile "That's perfect Bella looking forward to it already" all I could do was nod, I've died and gone to heaven, he chuckled got up and left, leaving me in a daze for the rest of the day.


	3. Chapter 3

_(Previously)  
I stared opened mouth at him he wants to spend time with me outside of school at the library, get it together Bella he's waiting for an answer. "Yes Edward that would be great I'd love to, how's Thursday's sound is that ok for you."  
He gave me a crooked smile "That's perfect Bella looking forward to it already" all I could do was nod, I've died and gone to heaven, he chuckled got up and left, leaving me in a daze for the rest of the day._

Finding Myself - Chapter 3

I made my way out towards the parking lot after school. I looked towards the jeep and saw Emmet standing with a very attractive blonde girl, this must be Rosalie the one I have yet to meet, she is the same age as Emmet, so I do not have any classes with her, but I'm sure Emmet does.

"Hey Bells" Emmet shouted towards me.

"Hey Em" I said, the blonde girl looked at me with her bright blue eyes, her blond almost golden hair swaying in the light breeze.

"Bells, this is Rosalie, Rose meet my baby Sister Bella" I hated when he called me that I'm only a year younger then him for god sake.

"Hi nice to meet you" I said giving her a small smile, she smiled in return, well Emmet sure knows how to pick them she's a stunner, why can I not have been born with good looks I am so plain compared to her.

"It's nice to meet you Bella," she said

"How are you enjoying Forks so far" I asked making conversation.

"I'm liking it very much" she replied looking towards Emmet with a small smile coating her face, Emmet looked as if he had just won the lottery, I raised my eyebrows at him, he looked at me sheepishly.

"Well I better go I will see you tomorrow Emmet, nice meeting you Bella"

"Yeah you too" I said looking at Emmet, as she started walking towards her car.

"Wow Emmet, you sure do move fast it's only her first day here" I said smiling at him. He was still looking at her, wow he's got it bad. I laughed heading towards the passenger side.

"Oh Bella dad text me earlier, he's not going to be home for dinner, I was wondering if you'd like to go to the dinar." He said while getting into the drivers side.

"Is my cooking really that bad Emmet" I said in a half mocking, half series tone.

"No of course not Bella" he looked shocked and unsure of himself "I didn't mean you can't cook, I just thought you'd like a break that's all" he quickly added. I laughed

"Relax Emmet I'm only pulling your leg, I would love to" he looked toward me with a scroll but seemed to relax after that.

"So did you meet any of the other Cullen's" I asked as he pulled out of the lot.

"Yeah I met Edward he's into football, he's coming to the tryouts on Wednesday, I didn't meet the other two just him and Rosalie"

"Rosalie seems nice" I added.

"Yeah she is, I might take her out sometime" he said quietly.

"Like a date" I said giving him a small smile, his face turned beat red, making me laugh. He ignored that.

"Bella did you know there last name is Cullen" he said hesitantly.

"Yes Emmet I did, it freaked me out a bit at first, and the fact that their dads a doctor too, but there all around our age so….."

I hadn't really giving it anymore thought, since English, I just put it down to a fluke. Carlisle long gone he made sure of that when I was younger.

"Yes but there all Adopted" Emmet injected

"I know Em," I said slightly exasperated "It's just a coincidence that's all, has Rosalie said anything about her family"

"No she just said she was adopted when she was younger and that her mum is an interior designer and her dads a doctor"

Emmet pulled the jeep into the dinar car park. The dinar is on the outskirts of Forks it's a quaint little place tucked away in the woodland, not many people use it. We used to come here when we first moved to Forks, before I learned to cook myself. Rachael the dinar lady still works here, she's a good friend of Dad's.

"Hey guys it nice to see you both, I haven't seen you in here for a while, where's your dad tonight" Rachael asked, as we both took our seats.

"Were great thanks Rachael, dads working late tonight on a case", Emmet replied

"How's Mark doing " he asked, Mark is Rachael's Husband he's been sick for a while, he had an accident a year ago on his fishing boat, leaving him paralyzed on one side.

"He's doing ok, he gets a bit frustrated at times" she said sadly, "I will let him know you said hello."

I couldn't imagine not being able to feel one side of me it was a tragic accident, he was fishing with a friend, there was a storm coming in and the boat toppled over, Mark was lucky to survive his friend wasn't so lucky, it shocked the whole town at the time.

Well what can I get you both to drink" she said, we both ordered a coke.

I looked over to Emmet as Rachael left to get our drinks,

"What are you going to have for dinner" I asked he was looking down the menu,  
"I'll have the cheese burger with fries" he replied, he handed me the menu just as Rachael was coming back with our drinks.

"There you go" she said putting our cokes on the table "Are you ready to order"

"Yes I'll have the chicken Cesar salad and Emmet, will have a cheese burger with fries and a side salad please" I said making sure he had some salad, She took our order and left saying it won't be long.

We finished our meal and headed home, dad was still at work, so I headed to the kitchen to put the kettle on, we have one of those old fashion kettle, the ones that, if you forget to switch off, steams your kitchen up, it started whistling so I made myself a coffee, Emmet was watching some game on the television.

"Want a coffee Emmet" I asked.  
"No thanks Bells" he called from the living room

I headed upstairs with my coffee in hand to finish some homework, at about nine o'clock I heard dad coming in from work. I carefully made my way downstairs.

"Hey dad, you had a long day, are you hungry, I can make something" I said while hugging him.

"Sure Bells that sounds nice, why don't you just put me half a pizza in the oven, I'm going to get changed" he said "Hey Emmet"

"Hey Dad" Emmet said over the game.

After I had finished making dads pizza, it was starting to get late so I headed off to bed.

The next couple of days were uneventful, I spoke to Alice a couple of times during lunch and she seems to be a really nice girl, if not somewhat a little hyper, she asked if I wanted to go shopping on Saturday and I said I would. I don't mind shopping but I have a feeling with Alice it's going to be Olympic event.

Its Wednesday today and all Emmet can talk about is the football trial, I honestly don't get why it's such a big deal, I suppose I will never know.

"Bella It's very important, I'm the captain it's my duty to keep us at the top of our game. I have to decide who will be joining the team" he said in a very series tone.

"Emmet isn't it a team choice just because your captain you all have to decide who joins don't you"

"Yes Bella but as captain I get the final word" he said proudly, I decided to leave it that, trying to understand how boys take sports so seriously is beyond me.

We arrived at school in Emmet's jeep, as Emmet still refuses to take my truck, really it.s not that bad. Emmet went off towards Rosalie they have become very close over the last couple of days. He is taking her out on Saturday while I'm shopping with Alice, he asked me where he should take her, he has never been this nervous around a girl before he must really like her.

"Bells where do you think we should go, the restaurants around here, are not what I really had in mind, I don't even know what kind of food she likes to eat."  
Emmet had asked me earlier this morning before school.  
"Emmet calm down, I'm sure where ever you go she will like it, why don't the two of you go to Port Angeles, You could take her to the Steak and Chop them House" I said trying to hold back my laughter.

"Bella that's not funny" he scolded.

"Sorry Em. Ok how about the L'Olivier that's a really nice restaurant, and they have a wide arrange of foods, you can't go wrong there, well not with the food anyway" I said laughing at the last part. Emmet promptly got up and walked away.

He was really nervous about this date I told him just to be himself, Rosalie likes him for who he is other wise she wouldn't have agreed to go out with him.

I looked down at my time table, I had History first then English and Spanish, The tryouts are going to be held at last period, so I'm not going to see Edward in Biology. I haven't seen that much of Edward since our last biology class, I miss him, oh god, I sound like a puppy that's lost it's bone.

"Hey Bella" Angela said bringing me out of my thoughts.  
"Hey Ang where Kate" I asked, looking at Angela, she had a very strange outfit on today it was some type of apron.

"What are you wearing" I asked

"Oh I have Art next" she stated, oh that would explain it, I nodded.

I said goodbye and headed towards my first class, the day seemed to go fast and before I knew it I was standing in the lunch line, I brought a slice of pizza an apple and a soda, and headed to my usual seat.  
Emmet sit's over with the football team, I would sometimes sit with them, I know the team well, they come over to our house once a week, order pizza and talk about as Emmet calls it strategic football moves, they are a really cool bunch of guys, they always treat me like I'm there little sister, most of them are the same age as Emmet.

I pulled my chair out to sit down. Everyone's head at the table shot toward me.

"Hey Bella" everyone chanted.

"Hey guys" I said while putting my tray on the table. I sat with in-between Angella and Kate, Mike Tyler and Eric also sat at this table along with Jessica and Lucy, they were good friends but I was closer with Angela and Kate.

"Hey Bella how has your morning been" Mile asked while trying to make his voice seductive, oh god the boy's really deluded.

"Fine Mike thanks it's been great" I replied unenthusiastically,

"Are you going to tryouts later" I asked him, knowing fully well he wouldn't, Emmet hated Mike from day one, ever since he tried to get me to go out with him. Emmet would never let him on the team.  
"N-no not this year" he strutted out.

I looked around the room the Cullen's were sitting at their usual table in the far corner of the cafeteria, I have never seen anyone else sit with them yet.  
As I was looking towards them, I caught Edwards eye and quickly looked away, not wanting him to think I was stalking him or something. I looked back up he was still looking at me, he gave me a small smile, I smiled back, looking down as I felt my face turn hot, I was blushing.

The bell rang signaling the end of lunch, Emmet was getting up to leave when I heard him shout.  
"See ya later Bells" his booming voice silencing everyone in the cafeteria, I ducked my head and made my way out of lunch, god he can be so embarrassing at times, I headed to my next class with Mike.

We both had Maths with Mr. Roberts, I took my seat, Mike lingered at my desk for a few minutes before he took his own seat, he looked as if he wanted to ask me something, Class was slow and boring, Mr. Roberts drowning on about mathematical terminology, of some kind the bell sounded and I quickly left the room before Mike could catch me.

Walking towards my last class Biology I felt a pang of lowliness as I realized Edward wasn't going to be in this class today and I will be sitting on my own. Biology had become my favorite class since Edward came, it's the only class I have with him.

Mr Jeffrey made the class as fun as ever not I scoffed, it seemed to drag on for hours without Edward to keep me company. The Bell finally rung singnaling the end of the day. I got up and made my way out towards the parking lot, Kate and Angella came rushing over to me as I neared the Jeep.

"Bella the tryouts haven't finished yet, Emmet told us to let you know, he said to come down to the field to watch." I huffed. Great I hated football, now I have to watch it.

I got to the football stadium, it was a quite impressive place, I only been in here once and that was only walking out onto the fields, I have never sat in the stands before, I slowly made my way towards a group of girls watching the boys down on the pitch.

I noticed Rosalie sitting with a few of the girls, she turned when she saw me coming.

"Hey Bella you come to watch Emmet" she said while getting up and hooking her arm with mine.

"Yeah although I'm not a fan of football" It's not that I completely dislike it, I'm proud of my brother, I just don't really understand it, and see no point in the whole thing.

She smiled at me "well I'm not a fan of football myself but I do like to watch my brother play" then added "And Emmet".

Edward I forgot he was here, I searched the team for him, I found him standing off at the far side of the field wearing his football gear, god he looks good, he turned looking up at me, he smiled and waved towards me, I waved back, I heard squeals from the girls behind me obliviously thinking he was waving at them, Rosalie looked at me and smiled knowingly.

Emmet was stranding talking to Sam he turned and waved at me and Rosalie. Rosalie enthusiastically waved back, they started warming up getting ready to play.  
Edward started running with the ball, his toned muscles stretching through his light grey shirt, I was so lost in my daydreams ogling the vision in front of me,I didn't notice the ball coming straight for me.

"Watch out" I heard someone shout, there was screaming besides me, I felt myself fall of the bench, before everything went black.

I could hear light murmurs coming from somewhere, where was I what happened, the murmurs started to get louder.

"Bella Bella can you hear me honey" I heard a frantic voice sounding a lot like Emmet's.

"Bella, Bella can you hear me, wake up Bella Please" a desperate voice said. Rosalie I thought.

Then the most god like voice sounded "Bella Bella, is she alright" Edward's voice

I heard some movement next to me, "Don't move her" an unfamiliar voice warned.  
I felt some one touch my hand.

What happened?

Were am I?

Then I remembered, I'm in the football stadium, and I got hit by the ball, oh god how embarrassing, and Edwards here, on that thought I slowly opened my eyes to see concerned face's looking at me. I groaned and sat up feeling a sharp pain run thought my head, my vision was blurry, and I felt a bit sick.

"OW" I moaned rubbing my head.

"No lay back down you hit your head pretty hard" an unfamiliar voice said. While pushing me back down gently.

"No I'm fine just give me a minute" I said groggily.

Emmet pushed me back down "Bells lay down and do what he says" he demanded, I huffed and laid back down, I was becoming even redder from embracement, my head was throbbing painfully.  
I noticed I was sprawled out behind the bench, I was sitting on.

The school medic looked down at me concern in his eyes.

"Let me check your head" he said. I winced as he pressed down lightly on a sensitive area.  
"How many fingers am I holding up" he asked while holding up what I think were two fingers

"Two" I answered he nodded.

"Follow my finger" he instructed, shining a pen light into my eyes, while moving his finger in front of my eyes, for me to follow."

"Ok can you tell me what the day it is today and where you are" he asked looking into my eyes.

"Yes its Wednesday and I'm in the Schools football stadium."I answered, I could feel my vision begin to clear now.

"She seems fine but I advise you to take her to the hospital for a quick checkup she had a pretty nasty hit there." The Medic said to Emmet.

"What, oh, no I'm fine really, I'll just go home and take some Tylenol."

"I really advise you go see your doctor" he insisted, before I could answer, Emmet interrupted.

"Don't worry doc I'll take her to the hospital now" he said giving me a stern look, that said, your going end of discussion.  
Emmet came towards me and lifted me into his capable arms, I protested.

"Emmet put me down, I can walk" I said, but he just ignored me and carried me away from the crowd that had formed, Edward and Rosalie following behind, he placed me into the jeep, and we set of towards the hospital, I placed my head against the back of the seat and rested my eyes.

**Next Chapter she's going to the hospital will she meet her long lost father will she want to  
Find out next.**

**Please keep up the reviews it really does make my Wright faster**


	4. Chapter 4

Finding myself - Chapter 4

The drive towards the hospital took about 10 minutes. Emmet pulled the jeep to the front entrance. Rosalie and Edward were behind us, in the Volvo. Emmet got out of the jeep and came around to open my side, helping me out, carefully keeping hold of my arm. I was still a bit wobbly, my head was still painfully throbbing. I saw Edward get out of the Volvo that Rosalie had pulled up behind us, walking up to me. Emmet looked at Edward, passing me to him.

"Could you help her into the waiting room, I can't leave the car here, it's for drop of only" he said pointing towards the sign. Edward nodded looking down at me.

"Bella are you ok to walk, I could carry you if you like" he offered.

"No, No I'm fine, I can walk" I hurriedly said, although being in Edward arms sounded nice. I probably would be too heavy for him.

It had started to rain and I was beginning to feel cold. Edward realizing this put his arms around me, it felt nice, I could smell his scent through his jacket. I instinctively leaned into him, wanting more of this intoxicating smell.

"Ok let's get you inside then" he said leading me through the hospital doors, the warmth hit me as soon as we entered, along with the smell of antiseptic and bleach, I hate hospitals. I griped onto Edward tightly, as we stood waiting for Rosalie and Emmet.

"I really don't know why I have to come here it was only a bump on the head" I moaned out, he chuckled and look down to me. He was a lot taller then me, but I liked it I felt safe in Edward arms.

"Let's just get you checked over, my dad's on tonight so I'm sure he will be able to look at you," He said in a reassuring voice while rubbing my back in soothing circles.

"I will go and find him, once Emmet and Rosalie come in from parking the cars." He was going to leave me, that thought alone sent shivers down my back, Edward took this for me being cold, and tucked me tighter into him. I didn't mind

"It's ok Edward you don't have to do that, don't trouble him over a stupid bump on the head." I said mumbling the last part.

"It is no trouble at all Bella my dad will want to make sure your ok" I sighed hugging him closer to me.

I'm sure a top surgeon like Dr Cullen will have a lot more important patients to see then me, It's a bump on the head for god sake. Yes it hurts and I have a killer headache but what do you expect, I had a football kicked towards my head, by a full grown guy.

Emmet and Rosalie came in then, looking around they spotted us standing off on the far end of the waiting room, making their way over towards us, Rosalie gave me a little smile taking my arm from around Edward, guiding me towards the front desk.  
I whimpered at the loss of Edwards warm comforting arms, but I don't think she noticed, Edward and Emmet followed close behind.

"You ok Bella," I nodded "don't worry my dad will take good care of you" she reassured. I liked Rosalie, she's kind and  
caring, She has this air of authority and confidents about her. I admire her, I wish I could have that kind of confidence.

"Hello Marry is my dad in his office, we need to see him" Edward asked

The old lady at the desk ogled Edward, god she could be old enough to be his mother I thought.  
Stuttering out a reply she said.

"H-h hello Edward it's nice to see you again, your Dad is quite busy at the moment, is it urgent." I interrupted

"Edward its fine, if he's busy I will just see another doctor." The reception lady looked over towards me taking in my disheveled form.  
"I'm sure he will see you, I let him know you're here, if you'd like to take a seat, what's your name dear.

"Isabella Swan" I answered.

"Ok what seems to be the problem?" She asked looking at Edward before reluctantly turning to me.

"I got hit in the head by a football, the medic told me to come and get checked over here," I answered quietly, she nodded while typing away at her computer.

"Ok if you take a seat, I will see if Dr Cullen is available to see you."

"Thank you" I said. She smiled looking lustfully at Edward, who took my arm leading me to a seat in the waiting room.

Five minutes later we were called into an exam room, I took a seat on the chair, Rosalie and Emmet waited outside while Edward came in with me.

A doctor came in smiling at us.

"Hang on your not my dad, where is Dr Cullen we were told he would be looking at Bella" Edward asked frustrated.

"I'm sorry but Dr Cullen was called to an emergency," he said while extending his arm for me to shake.

"I'm Dr Winters, don't worry, I'm just as qualified as Dr Cullen." He paused looking at my thick file on his desk, a flood of embracement came over me, god I really am accident prone, most of my life I have been in and out of local hospitals from some kind of accident, coursed by my inability to walk on a flat surface without going head over heels.

He sat down at his desk studying my notes. He was a young looking doctor, he looked around mid thirties, he was handsome for a doctor, but nothing compared to Edward.

"Well Isabella" he said looking up from his notes.

"Bella" I corrected him, he smiled "Bella what seems to be the problem" Edward scoffed beside me, I suppose he thought the doctor should no what the problem was I guess I looked a little off color.

"I got hit in the head by a football, the medic told me to come and get checked over here," I repeated what I said to the receptionist, he nodded.

"Could you come over and sit on the bed so I can take a look at you" I got up and sat on the bed, the paper crackling underneath me, he pulled his stool up to my feet.

"Ok I'm just going to feel around your head tell me if it hurts"

"Ok" I replied, I could still see Edward sitting in his chair watching us closely. The doctor started prodding around my head with his fingers. I winced as he touched the sensitive area. He continued his examination by taking my pulse and blood pressure, he took a penlight out of his pocket, looking into my eyes everything the school medic had done. When he was finished I got down off the bed and made my way back towards the seat, Edward leaned over and took my hand I smiled at him. The doctor started writing notes down in my file.

"Well you don't seem to have a concussion, just take it easy for a few days, you do have a nasty lump forming but that should go down in a week or so, Take some Tylenol for the pain, I'm sure you have a headache already. He said I nodded.

"Do you need me to give you a prescription for Tylenol?" He asked

"No thank you I have some at home" he nodded.  
"I hope you feel better soon" he said, with that we got up and left the room.

Emmet and Rosalie stood up as we made our way back towards the waiting room.

"Are you ok Bells what did the doctor say" he asked looking concerned.

"I'm fine Emmet, he said I was fine just like I said I was" I reassured him, he picked me up into a bone crushing hug.

I phoned dad to let him know where we were," seeing me glaring towards him he added "he would have worried more if we had not been home In time." Charlie worries a lot about us since Renee died, I think it's made him realize family is really important, he made a promise to Renee before she died.

"Charlie you promise to keep the children safe, watch out for them, support them in there decisions, be the best father you can, love them for the both of us. I will always be here when you need me just talk and I will hear you, I love you so much, you and the children please keep safe and happy."

"I promise Renee, I promise."

And he has kept that promise, Everyday he makes us happy, loves us and supports us with our decisions in life. Emmet joined the football team and dad has never missed a game. I play the piano and sometimes would play in front of the school or special occasion, dad was always there to support me, giving me that confidence to carry on, and most importantly he kept going after Renee died he held us all together.

But he still worries, and hearing about me going to the hospitals countless times throughout my life has not helped him, always fearing the worst, I can't blame him though I'm just waiting for the day when my luck finally runs out.

"Always let one of us know where you are, or if you're going to be late" he once said to me.

We headed back to the cars, the rain had stopped and it was starting to get dark, both cars were parked together, Rosalie turned to me embracing me into a warm hug.

"I'm glad your ok Bella, you gave us all a bit of a scare there, will you be coming to school tomorrow"

"I don't know my headaches a killer at the moment. I will see how I feel in the morning" she nodded. Emmet walked her to the Volvo, Edward turned to me worry etched on his perfect face.

"Are you sure you're alright, I wish my dad could have checked you himself" he said while closing the gap between us and putting his hand on my cheek, moving a stray hair out my eyes.

"I am fine Edward and I'm sure that doctor knew what he was doing" he smiled at me looking deeply into my eyes.

"Ready to go Bella" Emmet spoke, breaking our trance.

"Yes Emmet," I said irritated. "Thank you for coming with me today Edward." I said, he smiled at me

"You're welcome Bella I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else" he said honestly.

I heard Emmet clear his throat from behind me, Irritated by his interruptions, I turned to glare daggers at him, he raised his eyebrows and backed off holding out his hands in front of him in an exaggerated surrender attempt. I narrowed my eyes at him before turning back to Edward, he was smiling at Emmet's act.

"Well I will see you later say hi to Alice and Jasper for me." I said

"I will take care Bella and be careful, see you later Emmet." He said getting into the Volvo.

"Yeah bye man" Emmet said. I got into the passenger side of the jeep Emmet in the driver side smiling at me.

"What" I said loudly

"Nothing" he said pulling out the car park.

"I am going to phone dad let him know were ok" I said while taking out my cell phone, I dialed home.

"Hey Dad it's Bella,"

"Bella are you ok, Emmet said you were at the hospital" he sounded panicked

"Yes dad but I'm fine, I had an accident at school" I heard him sigh

"Emmet said you got hit by a football." He said

"Yeah I did but the doctor checked me out and said I'm fine, were nearly home now, we won't be long." I said

"Ok honey do you want me to order a pizza for dinner tonight." I haven't even thought about dinner.

I turned to Emmet "Dad says do you want a pizza for dinner" He nodded with a smile, Emmet and dad love pizzas.

"Yeah dad that sounds great, well be there soon" I said over the phone, we were only a few minutes away.

"Ok honey you two drive safe, I love you both"

"We love you too dad bye" I said, hanging up the phone. I rested up against the seat my head was still throbbing.

Emmet pulled the jeep into the drive behind my truck, charlie must have heard us coming because the front door swung open and he came rushing around to the passenger side to help me out.  
"Dad I'm fine, It was just a bump" I said while he embraced me into a hug.  
"Bella you need to be more careful"  
"Dad this time it wasn't my fault the ball just found me," he laughed and kissed my heard.  
"I love you Bella."  
"I love you to dad."  
"Hey what about me" Emmet said "Family hug" he pulled us both into his sides hugging us, it's quite comical when he towers over Charlie.  
"I love you both" Charlie said.

We went inside, it felt good to be home, it's been a long day. I went to the bathroom to get some Tylenol out the medicine cabinet, which had grown over the years to having a lot of supplies in thanks to me. I got a glass of water and sat down on the sofa, Emmet was upstairs and dad was on the phone, probably letting his colleague's at work know I was ok. I flicked through the television and settled on a game show.

Charlie got off the phone and came over to sit by me.  
"How you feeling sweetheart" he said, while putting his arm around my shoulder.  
"I'm fine dad just a bit of a headache, it's been a long day" I said, relaxing back into the sofa.  
"Did you order the pizzas" he nodded "Emmet did"

Just then the doorbell rang I got up to answer it,

"That must be the delivery boy, that was quick" Charlie said passing me some money. I smiled and went to answer the door.

"You don't look like the delivery boy and if you are where's my pizza" he laughed. Edward was standing in the doorway.  
"I just wanted to know if you were ok, I was worried after you left the hospital"  
"You could have just phoned you know" I said he looked a little hurt by that.  
"I'm sorry Edward, Come in its really nice of you to come over to check on me" he gave me his crooked smile.

He must really care if he comes over here at nine thirty at night, he looks absolutely breathtaking, he's wearing a simple pair of blue jeans, hanging loosely around his hips, a green T-shirt with short sleeves, only Edward could pull that off, most guys it would just look plane boring.  
I stepped aside making room for Edward to come inside, he stayed close to me before Charlie came into the room from the kitchen. He looked up towards Edward.

"Dad this is Edward Cullen, Edward this is my dad Charlie" Edward looked nervures, I never seen Edward nervous before, I guess it's because my dad's the chief.

"It's very nice to meet you sir" Charlie smiled shaking his hand.

"Call me Charlie son" Edward seemed to relax after that dad disappeared upstairs, Emmet was up in his room doing some home work I guessed.

I gestured for Edward to take a seat, I suddenly felt nervous, I straightened my top out looking down at my outfit I had a pair of blue skinny jeans on and a purple top, I looked good. Edward started rubbing his hands through his hair. He's nervous too, he always does that when he's nervous.

"We ordered some pizza, would you like to stay," I said and added "don't worry there will be enough Emmet ordered it" he cuckled.  
"Yes I would love to stay for pizza" he said while looking at me.  
"Are you going to school tomorrow" he asked. Will he miss me if I don't go I thought.  
"I don't know, I'm going to see how I feel in the morning"  
"Do you want to skip we could do something there's a place I would like to show you, and it's supposed to be a nice day tomorrow."

He wants to take me somewhere he wants to show me a special place of his, he's asking me on a date, I couldn't keep the smile of my face.

"Like on a Date" he smiled at that.  
"Yes if you like" he answered, with his crooked smile, all I could do was nod, making him chuckle.  
"Are you sure your ok to skip school" I asked  
"Yes my parents won't mind for one day, and I really want you to see this place, I have never showed it to anyone before, I will pack a pick-nick for us, sound ok"  
"It sounds wonderfully Edward, I can't wait" and I couldn't to be able to spend a whole day together just me and Edward.

**I know you all wanted her to meet her father in this chapter but patients is a virtue, I promise I won't keep you waiting much longer. Thank you so much for all the reviews, I have nearly finished the next chapter so you won't have to wait much longer.**

**Thank you**


	5. Chapter 5

Finding Myself – Chapter 5

The next morning I woke up early, I was excited about were Edward was going to take me, I told dad that I wasn't going to be going to school today, as I still was not feeling to good, from my football incident.

I went into Emmet's room to wake him up, and made my way down stairs, Charlie had already left for work, I put the coffee on, and put some toast in the toaster, Emmet came down about twenty minutes later just as I was washing up my breakfast things.

"Hey sis how you feeling this morning," he said while grabbing the newspaper from the table."I'm not too bad, just going to take it easy today." I hated lying to Emmet, and I'm sure he will get a little suspicious when Edward doesn't turn up at school today, oh well it's not like I do this often."Well I hope you feel better, I will text you later at lunch, have a good day" he said while kissing my cheek, Emmet was always so tender with me, he looked big and intimidating to other people but really inside he was just a gentle giant."Bye Em" I watched him go out the window and rushed upstairs to get a shower, Edward said he will be here about nine o'clock it was eight thirty so I had to hurry up.

I decided to wear my denim skirt and white blouse, with my black jacket over the top, Edward was right it was a lovely day. The sun was already warm. I finished getting ready, putting some perfume on, I went to over to grab my bag, knocking off a picture, the frame fell to the floor, I bent down and carefully picked it up turning it over, it was the picture of my father, the only one I had of him, I kept it on my desk, I didn't look at it often, I placed it back down, staring at him for a few minutes.I heard the front door bell ring, I made my way downstairs being careful not to slip, that would just be my luck spend the day in the ER instead.

I opened the door to see Edward standing in all his glory he looked down at my outfit with a smile on his face.

"Hello, you look beautiful, I've never seen you in a skirt before" he stated, I blushed and looked away. He chuckled."You don't look so bad yourself" That's an understatement I thought.

"Are you ready to go we have quite a day planed ahead?" I nodded towards him, grabbing the keys of the side I pulled the door shut."What's that" I pointed to a huge Jeep parked in the drive. He smiled and chuckled.

"That is my Jeep it's an off roader Jeep." I looked towards it, the thing was huge, wait did he say off road Jeep."Why would we need an off road Jeep" I asked hesitantly, that thing looked like a deathtrap well for me anyway. He smiled at my worried look.

"We need it where were going, don't worry I won't let anything happen to you" he said, taking my arm.

We walked towards the massive heap of metal. I was wondering how in the world I was going to get in to it, it was taller than Edward, maybe I could take a running jump at it.

Edward chuckled at me, noticing my dilemma and walked me to the passenger side.

"May I" he asked gesturing to picking me up. I nodded

"I think you're going to have to, I don't think I will be able to get in otherwise" he smiled and gentle lifted me up into the seat.

"I don't even want to ask were all this go's" I said pointing to the many belts.

"There special seatbelts they go around your waste, here" he said helping me to fasten the belts around me, he shut the door and headed to the driver's side, I was glad I didn't have to drive it.

"So where are we headed too" he looked at me with a huge smile."It's a surprise, I can't tell you. I have show you, you'll see" he said"I don't like surprises" I retorted."You'll like this one I promise" he said I was going to jelly under his intense gaze, he backed the Jeep out the drive and headed off down the were heading out of forks in the direction of La Push, towards the mountains, we were driving for about twenty minutes when Edward suddenly turned the Jeep of the road onto a ruff track. I was starting to get a bit nerves as the Jeep was begging to get bumpy. I had another bumps this week. We headed down the mud road, if you could call it a road for about five minutes when Edward turned into a field, ok this was getting strange.

Edward where are we going." I asked nervously"Don't worry Bella, I told you were going off road it's not long now just up ahead, I promise I won't let anything hurt you" he saidI was holding onto the bars above my head to stop myself from hitting the ceiling of the Jeep. Thank god for these straps, a least they were keeping me secure. Edward slowed the jeep down as we came up to the woods.

He looked over towards me.

"I bought some hiking boots there Rosalie's she said I could borrow them"

"Hiking" I sputtered out

"Yeah don't worry it's only a couple of miles in, I won't let you fall" he said getting out of the truck coming towards me. I bulked

"Edward I don't know if you have noticed but I can't walk along a flat surface without tripping, how do you expect me to fare going in there" I said pointing towards the forest. He laughed while undoing my seat belt. Taking my face between his hands he came closer while I was still sitting in the Jeep.

"Bella do you trust me" I nodded "Then trust me with this I'm not going to let anything happen to you I promise, your safe with me" he said honestly, looking at me with those beautiful smoldering green eyes. I caved

"Fine Edward I trust you, just don't get us lost" he laughed at that.

"Bella I could get us there and back with my eyes closed, I come here often, it's my little hide away" I couldn't argue with that.

We both started putting our walking boots on, mine fitted perfectly, I must be the same size as Rosalie. Edward waited for me to finish, he went to the boot of the Jeep and brought a large basket before locking the jeep up.

"How you going to carry that, and catch me when I fall" I said ok so I was pushing it a bit far, he signed taking my hand we walked into the woods.

I'll always catch you when you fall" he said I looked at him, raising my eyebrows I said "That's a cliché" I said sarcastically he laughed, pulling me further into the woods.

We walked what seemed like forever, I would stumble over every rock and brunch, but Edward was very patient with me and as promised caught me when ever I fell. He was a real gentleman moving braches out of my way. We came out about three miles in, walking to the direction of the mountains, to the most beautiful valley I have ever seen.

"Edward this is Beautiful I'm speechless it's amazing" I said looking at him smiling.

And it was, we were standing in a deep valley surrounded by the Forest above us. A small lake sitting in the center of the clearing with a large waterfall coming down from the very tops of the mountings into the lake bellow.

I walked up to water it was cristal clear sparkling in the sunlight. The lake was surrounded by wild ferns and bushes, the floor was covered in bark. There was a large rock, situated about half way over the water coming off the mountain behind, I would love to dive of it, I thought. The whole area had the forest trees surrounding it, making it into a semi circle, it was paradise, the sound of the flowing water trickling down the rocks, the birds singing in the distance and the gentle breeze of the wind.

"Edward I wish I brought my Bikini we could have gone swimming after lunch" he smiled and pulled out a brown bikini from the basket."Alice got it for you yesterday" I smiled and took the bikini from him."She didn't have to do that, tell her thanks, can we swim after we eat." he nodded laying a blanket onto the floor,we both sat down facing the lake."Ok Miss Swan we have Chicken rolls, some salad, fruit " I smiled at him grabbing a chicken roll and an apple, we finished our lunch, the day was really warm and I was looking forward to a swim.

"Shall we" he said, gesturing to the lake. I nodded I taking my bikini and went behind a large bush to get changed, when I was done I tied my hair into a high bob, and went back to where Edward was standing now in a pair of blue trunks. I couldn't help but stare at his toned chest, and tight muscles. I looked to his face, he was staring at me taking in my body he looked to be in a daze, when he coughed me looking at him he abruptly looked away, and blushed, Edward Cullen blushing I was laughed internally.

He took my hand and we both walked towards the water, I placed my toe in the water to test the temperature, it was a little cold but bearable, Edward lowered himself in first and turned to me taking both my hand leading me in.

"It's a little chilly but you'll get use to it once you're in." he said, I went further in so the water was splashing to my hips.

Err its cold" I moaned he chuckled. "I'm going to just go for it" I said I counted to three in my head and plunged into the water, it wasn't as bad as I thought, I kept swimming around and I soon warmed to the water.

"It's nice isn't it" he said while swimming up to me. I splashed some water in his face. "Hey what was that for" I laughed at his attempt to pout and swam away from him. Calling over my shoulder."You can't go swimming without splashing someone." I shouted, I could hear him laughing. I went up to the waterfall swimming under it, Edward followed we were slightly under the rocks on the other side of the waterfall.

"It's beautiful Edward will you bring me here again" I said, he wiped some water out of his eyes and came closer to me, holding onto my waste that was under the water, putting his lips up to my ear he said.

"You're the only person I would ever want to share this place with, I would love to bring you here again Bella" he pulled back looking into my eyes.

I leaned closer into him he removed one of his hands from my waste, he touched my cheek, brushing a stray piece of hair out of my eyes, he leaned in to me and I leaned in further, his lips gazed my lips, he pulled back slightly testing my reaction, I pushed my lips up against his and he eagerly complied, our lips moved with each other in perfect synchronization, It was a perfect both pulled away gasping for air. I looked into his eyes and he looked deeply into mine, we stayed like that for a few minutes before he pulled me into his chest and held me tightly, I knew I was in love with him.

We swam about for a bit longer laughing and joking, but the sun was starting to go down and I wanted to get back before Emmet and Charlie knew I was missing, so we got out dried ourselves and got changed, and started our walk back to the jeep. Edward with a new spring in his step, he looked like a little boy who just got a puppy for Christmas, he was smiling like Cheshire cat.

We made it back to the Jeep, but not without me stumbling a few times Edward catching me each time, he helped me into the jeep and strapped the seatbelt back around me, and we headed on back towards Forks.

"I had a really nice time today Edward, thank you so much for showing me that place It was really special" I said while we were standing outside my house.

"I really enjoyed it too Bella, If you ever want to go back we can" he said, I nodded and smiled at him, he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. I smiled at him and walked up to the front door.

"See you tomorrow at school Edward" I said giving him a small wave.

"See you tomorrow Bella sleep well" he said while getting in the jeep, I walked into the empty house.

The rest of the evening went smoothly. Emmet never mentioned about Edward not being in school, and that I was glad off. I made beef stroganoff for dinner, which went down like a treat. I had become quite the little cook over the years and could make a variety of dishes. I soon fell asleep that nigh dreaming of Renee, I often dreamed of her sometimes they were memory's, sometimes they were strange dreams that didn't make any sense, but I would always remember them in the morning, tonight I was dreaming of a memory. When Renee first saw me.

(Dream/memory)

I was in a park with the other children from the adoption center it was a year since my father had abandoned me, the park was opposite the center, we used to go there a few times a week, I had been playing on the swings, Maggie the Foster lady was sitting over on a bench, with a book in her hand, she would look up every now and then to check on us.

I went to sit over on the grass slightly away from the swings. I remember I was feeling upset that day, because that day had marked exactly a year that day since my daddy abandoned me, I had hoped that perhaps, just perhaps he would come back for me, but it was nearing the end of the day, that hope had started fading and tears replaced it.

That's when I found Renee, or she found me, she was walking through the park, on her way home from work, I remember she had a coffee in her hand, coming over towards me seeing me crying she knelt down to my level.

"Are you ok sweetheart, where's your mummy and daddy," she said, at that I burst out crying if only she new, I had thought to myself. She looked terrified at my tears."It's ok sweetheart we will find them" she said oblivious thinking I was upset because I had lost my parents in the park. I just shook my head at her."My mummy died and my daddy left me, I live there" I said pointing to the adoption center, realization hit her face, she looked at me with sad eyes.

"I'm so sorry honey my names Renee" she said softly."Bella" I said, she smiled and started looking around,"Who is looking after you Bella." I pointed towards Maggie, who still had her head in her book, really I could have be snatched away by now and she wouldn't have realized. Renee sighed obliviously thinking along the same lines as me, she got up taking my hand and walked towards Maggie. Maggie looked up from her book.

"Hello my name is Renee Swan, I would like to talk to you about adoption" Renee said looking down at me smiling. Maggie looked a little taken aback.

"Oh of course, if you like to follow me back to the adoption center we can talk there"

A week later I was going home with Renee, I met her husband Charlie and Emmet her son a few days after the day in the park, we had a couple meetings together, before everything was finalized and I was made a Swan, I was a little unsure about leaving the adoption center incase my daddy came back, but I realized I can't hold on forever.(End of dream/memory)

**Oh thank you so much for all your reviews, I'm writing as fast as I can, I really am enjoying this, thanks to everyone for their support, the next chapter will be up shortly, she's meeting her father soon so don't worry, keep reading please.**


	6. Chapter 6

Finding Myself – Chapter 6

I woke up early it was only five thirty, I felt restless so I got up and took a shower, I got dressed wearing my blue jeans and green top. I made my way downstairs and put the coffee on, I got my favorite cereal out placing it in a bowl, adding the milk and cutting up a banana I sat down to eat, dad came down a little while later he looked a little taken aback at seeing me up so early.

"Hey dad do you want some coffee" I asked.

"Yes sure, Bella you're up earlier today"

"Yeah I woke up early, I thought, I would go out for a ride this morning"

"Oh ok, you be careful, don't forget your helmet" he said sternly, I stopped myself from rolling my eyes at him.

"Don't worry dad, I have it right here" I said pointing to the helmet on the side. He nodded kissing my head, getting up to leave.

"Dad are you going to have something to eat first" I asked concerned, he shouldn't got to work on an empty stomach.

"No bells, I will get something at work, I have to get going" he said looking at his watch.

"Be careful ok, I will see you tonight" he said grabbing his keys.

I finished my breakfast it was six o'clock now, I had over an hour before I would have to be home to wake Emmet up. I washed up the breakfast things, leaving them out to dry.  
Stepping out into the cold morning air, I shrived slightly hugging my jacket closer to me. I pulled open the garage door reveling a Black Honda CB-500 motorbike my baby.

Charlie and Emmet bought it for me as a birthday present, after I begged Charlie for it, he doesn't like me ridding it, but after realizing I was a good rider, and buying me countless protection outfits to go with it, he let it go I don't get to ride it much, using my truck most of the time, but sometimes I just have the need for speed.

I steered it out onto the road, putting on my helmet before hooking my right leg over, I kicked started the engine and sped of town the road towards la push. La push was the best place to ride. The wide bendy roads where perfect for trying different maneuvers out, they were always quite of traffic, the road followed around the forest. I loved the feeling of the wind blowing my hair out the back. I always went ridding when I felt stressed out, or upset by something which wasn't that often. I followed the road around for another twenty minutes, before I decided to head on back. I put the bike back in the garage making a note to polish it later and headed back into the house, It was nearing seven thirty so I headed straight on up to wake Emmet.

"Come on Em time to get up" I called him he groaned rolling over, "Come on Emmet or we will be late"

"Ok I'm up" he said while swinging his giant legs from the bed, I heard the phone ring and rushed downstairs to answer it, I wonder who it could be this time of the morning.

"Hello Swan residents" I said into the phone.

"Hi Bella its Alice"

"Oh hey Alice what can I do for you"

"Bella I was wondering if you would like to stay over tonight, then we can go shopping in the morning like we planned" she sounded like she was trying hard not to scream down the phone.

It was Friday today and we planned to go shopping this Saturday I'm sure Charlie wouldn't mind as it was the weekend.

"I would love to Alice I will have to run it by my dad, but I'm sure it would be fine." She squealed happily, while I held the phone away from my now deaf ears.

"Great Bella we will have so much fun, we can have a slumber party, let me know at school"

"Ok I will do, see you then"

"Bye Bella"

"Bye Alice" I said hanging up the phone.

I was invited to spend the night at the Cullen's, the mysteries four as people at school called them, they were always friendly enough to me and Emmet and when people spoke to them, but they always seemed to prefer to keep to themselves, they were a very close family watching out for each other, it was nice to see them together you could tell how much they care for one another, of course the rumors started when people found out that Alice and Jasper were a couple. People saying how wrong it was to have sibling together, but I don't think they see each other as siblings, there not blood related so I didn't feel there was anything wrong with it myself, you only had to open your eyes to see how much the two of them loved each other.

I remembered when Emmet and I first came here, people talked not just at school but the whole town would gossip especially as Charlie was joining the police force here, they knew of us before we even arrived.

I felt like my whole life had been put up on a notice board "Attention Bella Swan and her family are coming, read bellow to get the gossip on her. "

I could only imagine what the Cullen's were feeling they are the largest family to move here since we arrived, especially given  
Mr. Cullen being a top surgeon, people don't understand why someone with that amount of qualification would agree to live in little Forks, apparently Mrs. Cullen wanted to settle down, away from the hustle and bustle of city life.

I called Charlie to ask if it was alright to stay over at the Cullen's, he was a bit surprised, asking if there will be any guys there, I said there would but so will the parents, Charlie hadn't met the Cullen's yet only Edward, he seemed to like him, but at the same time set some ground rules in place.

"Emmet ready to go I'm going to be taking my bike to school today, I'm staying at Alice's after school tonight."

He mumbled a reply. Emmet doesn't like me to ride my bike around him and especially not at school. I rarely take it out so it's in pristine condition, it normally brings attention to me, Emmet always get's a little jealous. The jeeps great but it's not as cool as my bike.

We both made our way out, Emmet hurriedly getting into the Jeep, so he can get to school and disappear before I get there, I led the bike out onto the road putting my helmet and gloves on, kick starting the engine I headed towards school.

As expected as I road into the parking lot all eyes turned towards me, including the Cullen's, I parked besides Edward's Volvo. I don't normally like attentions but were it comes to my baby I love showing her off.

Emmet had already arrived, he was standing next to Rosalie who was eying my bike along with Jasper and Alice. Edward looked sort of angry and worried.

"Hey guys" I shouted, Alice bounced towards me pulling me into a hug, god does she ever stop bouncing, she seriously needs to give up the caffeine.

"That is one hell of a bike" I smiled at Jasper. Emmet just rolled his eyes. Jealous much.

"Thanks Jasper, she's a Honda CB-500, my baby" I said proudly, he smiled. I went up to Edward kissing him on the cheek, he smiled but he looked concerned.

"When did you get it, it looks brand new" Rosalie asked eying the bike. I turned toward her.

"A year now, it was brand new when I got it." she smiled nodding her head.

"Should you really be ridding that, those things are dangerous Bella" Edward scolded. I looked at him so that's what was concerning him.

"Oh chill out man, she can handle that thing better then you can handle your Volvo" Emmet defended.

"Fine it doesn't mean I have to like it" he mumbled under his breath, his hands going around my waist, I raised my eyebrow at him, it was kind of cute how much he cared about my safety.

"Edward I have never had an accident" I reassured him, he grimaced looking down.

"Ok if we all finished ogling Bella's bike lets head to class already." I rolled my eyes at Emmet, laughing as we headed to our first lesson.

"Oh Alice my dad said it was fine for me to come over tonight" she smiled and put her hands around my shoulder walking into the school.

School was well school the only thing that seemed to make it bearable was Edward, our knew affections towards each other had not gone unnoticed by the rest of the students, gossiping entailed and I was glad when the end of the day finally came.  
I was excited to spend time with Edward tonight, I know Alice wanted it to be a strictly girls night, but that didn't mean I couldn't sneak out to see Edward.

I headed towards my bike with Edward holding my hand. I could see him eying my bike, the concern and worry from before returned to his face, the car park was slowly filling with students as everyone were making their way towards the many cars in the lot. I turned to Edward's worried face as we neared the bike.

"Edward what's wrong, you look like you just seen a ghost" he was still looking at the bike accusingly.

"Nothing Bella," He said and then thought better of it.

"It's just why couldn't you have just gotten a car like most people, those things are a death trap Bella, I mean look at it, one fall and you would end up dead, I don't like you driving it, can't you sell it or something buy a car"

"Edward that's my bike you're talking about" I felt anger building up, how dare he ask me to sell it, I turned on him.

"Edward it's not a death trap, not if you know how to ride it, and I do, I could just as easily crash a car" I argued.

God I know he cares about me, but he can't start dictating what I can and can't do, that's just going too far.

"I appreciate your concern for my safety Edward but it's my choice, my dad and brother do not have a problem with it so why should you" I asked.

"Bella I'm sorry alright I didn't know you felt so strongly about it, I just have never liked them, and your special to me I just couldn't stand if anything happened to you"  
With that I melted into his arms, I felt happy tears in my eyes, I lent closer into him and kissed him full on the lips. God I love this man. He froze at first, but soon started moving with my lips, he moaned softly into my mouth. I was in paradise. We pulled away just looking at each other, I noticed people looking at us but I didn't care I had my Edward.

Alice came bouncing over letting go of Jasper and jumping into my arms, I stumbled back a little and laughed at her excitement.

"Jasper has she been on the caffeine again" he laughed at that shaking his head at Alice's antics.

"See you later Emmet" I called, but he was too busy with Rosalie. Alice and Jasper got into the back of the Volvo while I slid onto my bike, Edward looked like he was in pain, I signed.

"Edward are you going to get in the Volvo" He looked like he was going to be sick, he gave up and headed to the Volvo, Emmet and Rosalie getting into the Jeep, I guess they were going somewhere alone.

I pulled out in front of the Volvo, and headed for the main road, showing of a little to make Edward realize I could handle my bike just fine. I slowed down and allowed Edward to take over as I didn't know where the house was.

We pulled down a country road, the forest here followed the road around, I had never been down here before the roads, looked a lot like them of La push. Edward pulled the Volvo into a turn off, I would defiantly have missed it, the turn of was so tucked away you could hardly call it a road. We headed on up the narrow drive the road started to turn into a mud path and was getting narrower, they really lived remotely, suddenly out of nowhere a huge house appeared well you couldn't call it a house more like a three story mansion, I know doctors are rich, but come on this was taking the biscuit.

The woods surrounded the beautiful mansion the front of the house had a perfectly mowed circular lawn with steps leading up to the front door. The mansion looked to be very new towering at three stories.  
Most of the building was made up of wood and glass, the windows were huge but immaculately clean extending from the top to the bottom of mansion showing the stairs off.

I parked my bike up behind Edward's Volvo, he got out looking relived at me, I just rolled my eyes at him.

"I'm sorry I upset you, you're a very good rider, your amazing when you ride you move with the bike like your one." I smiled at that giving him a kiss on the lips.

"Very sexy" he finished at that I blushed and looked down. He chuckled

"Nice ridding Bella" Jasper called, giving me a wink, most guys find it sexy for a girl to be on a bike.

Walking up to the front door, a small lady with caramel hair came out to greet us, this must be Edwards mother, I had forgotten to ask Edward what his parents names are.

"Hey mum" both Jasper and Alice said giving her a hug.

Did you have a nice day at school" she asked she had a very motherly voice, I could feel the tears welling in my eyes as I thought about my own mothers, but I held them back.

"Hello dear you must be Bella I've heard so much about you" she said turning to me, I smiled at her and she pulled me into a warm gentle hug.

"Not anything bad I hope" I said looking at Edward's sheepish grin.

"No all good" she said then added "Where's Rosalie"

"She is spending a bit of time with Emmet Bella's brother" Edward said, she nodded and led us into the hall way, the hall was huge so I knew the rest of the house wouldn't be an exception, god know how they got planning permission for this place it must be the biggest house in Forks.

"I hope you're hungry Bella dinner won't be long" she announced, I nodded and smiled, she disappeared through a door it was just me and Edward, I felt a little uncomfortable, I knew they were rich but not this much.

"Come on I will show you around, it's not that big" He said. I looked at him like he had two heads.

"Edward your house is huge you could fit my place in five times over" He laughed leading me to a flight of stairs.

He showed me around the house starting at the first floor, the hallway was just as large as the ground floor hall.

"That's my Mum and Dad's Room" he said pointing to a door onto the right.

"That's my dad's study there and the library, and that's a bathroom." He said pointing to the many doors, I nodded trying to take the many rooms in.

Leading me up to the second floor he pointed out some more rooms one included Alice's and Jaspers room along with Rosalie's room and some spare bedrooms.

"Come on I will show you my bedroom" he said, we made it up to the third floor it was slightly smaller up here, he led me into a large bedroom, the room was painted a neutral cream color, along the walls were shelf's which were covered in CD's and DVD's I walked towards them running my hand over the many albums.

"You have a wide range of music" he smile and came up behind me holding my waste, I looked behind me into his eyes and turned so I was facing him.

I looked further around the room there was a large king size bed in the middle of the room, the bed sheets were golden and cream which I thought went well with the room, you could tell Esme was an interior designer, by the way everything flowed throughout the house. I walked towards the bed and sat on the edge looking out the large window which had a beautiful view over the Forrest and mountains, there was a glass door that led out to a balcony. I loved it.

Edward smiled and walked towards the bed, he sat down next to me, I leaned into him allowing him to hug me, he started to stroke my cheek moving a piece of hair out my eyes. I turned towards him, without saying anything I pressed my lips ruffle into his, he moaned at the sudden contact, he started rubbing his tongue up and down my bottom lip, asking for entrance, I eagerly complied, feeling Edwards tongue inside my mouth massaging against my tongue felt amazing.

A soft moan escaped my lips, he brought his hand up to cup my face, I moved mine into his hair pulling him nearer to me, we both moaned at the same time.

I leaned back against the bed without breaking the kiss, he started move on top propping himself up on his elbows, he broke the kiss to allow us both to breath and moved towards my neck sucking and licking, making another throaty moan to escape my lips. His hands traveled down to my hips and back up towards my top, he slowly lifted my top to expose my stomach, and gently he started feeling my skin around my belly button with a circular motion, while still attacking my neck with his lips.  
I felt my breathing hitch, of what we were doing, Edward's own breathing was becoming uneven, as he continues his assault on my body.

I placed my hands on his toned back feeling his muscled, I place my hands lower pulling out his shirt from his jeans I ran my hands up the back of his shirt he groaned at the sudden feeling of my hands on his skin, he looked at me in my eyes and said.

"I love you Bella" I smiled and said

"I love you to Edward" and I did I loved him I was so exited inside knowing he felt the same way I do. He kissed my lips while he had a little cheesy grin on his face.

I leaned into him and deepened the kiss wanting to feel more of him, I placed my hands back under his shirt, he placed one of his hand in my hair and the other back on my stomach he started going a little higher then before, becoming more confident, his perfect hand moved up the side of my chest towards my elbow brushing against my breasts, I felt a shiver go down my spine, I had never done this with a boy before, I have never even had a boyfriend before.

Edward readjusted his position, leaning down towards my stomach, he looked up into my eyes, then brushed his tough over my belly button, I gasped at the new feeling of his warm tough caressing my stomach, as he continued with his circling motions a knew feeling washed over me need. But I knew we couldn't go much further we weren't, in that stage of our relationship yet.

I involuntary bucked my hips up towards Edwards face as his tongue traveled down along the lining of my skirt, I moaned loudly, he chuckled holding my hips in place with both hands, he licked and sucked on my skin, I let my head fall into the pillows, this felt incredible.

He crawled up to lay besides me after a few minutes, kissing me on the forehead playing with my hair.

"Come on we better go down I was only supposed to be showing you around the house Alice will be getting inpatient"

I don't care what Alice wants, I wanted to stay with him all night, he chuckled at my expression and pulled me towards the door.

We made it down stairs Alice was standing at the bottom with her hands on her hips, she took in our appearance and giggled. I looked at her questionable, smiling she turned me around to face a mirror hanging from the hallway.

I looked a mess my hair was all over the place and my top buttons on my top had come undone. I quickly did my buttons up and flattened down my hair, they both laughed at me. I blushed about a hundred shades of red, turning to Edward he looked as perfect as ever not a hair or button out of place, how does he do it.

"Come on Bella let me show you down stairs as you didn't make it that far" she said with a little smile creeping onto her face.

She showed me into the living room which had a large plasma screen television in the center of the room, cream sofas situated around it. A bookcase was standing to the side of the room with an assortment of books including some of my favorites. I guess most of the books were kept in the library, there were a variety of side cabinets situated around the room. I was then lead into the dining room which had a large wooden table in the middle which could seat twelve people with black leather chairs.

The house was very well decorated throughout and it felt warm and inviting considering its size, we made our way into a very large kitchen, the worktops were coated with wood and the cabinets were cream, everything looked very expensive, I could see they didn't do anything by half's, If only we had the type of money to be this comfortable, we have never really struggled, but we don't have enough money to spend on luxuries like this.

"Bella dinner won't be long I'm doing a casserole dish with jacket potatoes does that sound alright"

That's sounds lovely Esme it smells really good, it's nice not to have to cook" she smiled at me. Jasper and Alice were sitting on the bar stools in the kitchen. Jasper had a book, looked to be about the war and Alice was reading a fashion magazine, Edward came up behind me wrapping his arms around my waste.

I heard the front door opened this must be Edwards father, I hadn't asked Edward what his name was, just as he walked in Esme called. "Were in here darling"

He walked in. I looked up to him and froze my eyes widening in shock. I was looking into the face of my father.

**Ok how's that for a chapter, I hope you enjoyed it, I won't take long to post the next chapter but I want to spend some time on it I want to get it right, I don't want to mess it up for you guys, thank you so much for the review so far. Keep the coming please.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Here it is what you've all been waiting for enjoy…..**

_He walked in. I looked up to him and froze my eyes widening in shock. I was looking into the face of my father._

Finding Myself - Chapter 7

I stood staring at him, blinking several times, this is not real, he's not here he can't be, I'm imagining it, it's a trick or a bloody good look alike. He looked at me shocked like he had just seen a ghost, well I guess he wasn't expecting me.

I felt my body shake uncontrollable and my legs give out, Edward tighten his grip around my waist he was saying something to me but I couldn't hear him, everything started to go fuzzy and my hearing became muffled, I knew what was going to happen next. I took one last look at my father before the darkness encased me.

* * *

There was blackness all around, I felt myself rising making my way back to the surface, but I didn't want to. I felt safe in this blackness, nothing could hurt me here, my mind was protecting me from something but I couldn't remember what.

I felt myself lying on something soft and comfortable, someone was pressing down on my hand, another hand touching my forehead. There was a slight mumbling noise, people talking but I couldn't make it out. I felt disorientated and scared.  
Where was I? What's happening? The voices started to clear as I felt myself coming out of the blackness.

"Is she going to be alright" I heard someone ask.

"What's going on Carlisle why did she react like that to you, you both looked like you were in shock or something" I recognized that voice, but couldn't place it.

"Children could you please go to your rooms" a female voice asked, there was numerous of replies all at once.

"No I'm not leaving her" A voice said sounding like Edwards. "Why mum what's going on" I recognized as Alice's voice.

"Jasper please take Alice to your room, She will be fine sweetheart please Alice your father and I will discuss this later" The female voice said gently calmly.

I heard shuffling around me, footstep moving away, It was quite for a few minutes, the blackness was slowly leaving me, I could feel myself becoming semi conscious.

"Is this your Bella" There was no reply. "You finally found her" she sounded to be on the verge of tears.

"What do you mean your Bella what's going on" Edward spoke.

I remembered, I was invited to stay with the Cullen's, my father was there. I slowly opened my eyes unsure of what I will see, unsure of what I wanted to see. I heard more movement around me. The room was spinning slightly, I blinked a few times and everything started to clear. Edwards worried face leaning over me.

"Bella can you hear me" I couldn't help but smile at him. He looked relived to see me awake.

"What happened" I said in a whisper.

"You passed out into my arms, you scared me to death. How are you feeling now?" He said speaking softly.

"I'm alright a little dizzy but it will pass." I touched his cheek to try to reassure him.

Then I thought about my dad. I froze not knowing what to do next, I adverted my eyes away from Edward and scanned the room and there he was sitting opposite from where I was laying, staring intently at me concern and worry in his eyes.

I took a deep breath. I sat up not taking my eyes from him and swung my legs over the settee, so I was in a sitting position, looking at the man that I used to call my father.

We sat there for what seemed like hours just staring into each other eyes. Esme and Edward kept quiet while watching us both, they looked as if they were watching a tennis game looking between the two of us. I studied him he looked older but still the same, his light blue eyes always captivating, his blonde almost honey like hair, it was shorter then I remembered.

He looked different there was this new sparkle in his eyes. I always remembered his eyes they looked dead after mum died, like his soul had been ripped from him. I don't know if I would have recognized him if not for my picture I kept in my room.

Then it hit me this house the wife the children, he's Edward, Alice's, Japer's and Rosalie's adoptive father.  
He replaced me. Does he even want to see me he hasn't come looking for me why would he, he has his family now. He's built a life for himself, has respect from other people other doctors. I would only mess up his perfect family picture he's created.

He gave his only daughter up, and then adopts somebody else's children. Was I really that bad?

My mind was shouting at me to be angry at him, to hit him, scream at him and yet I wanted to run away, run as far away as I possible could, at the same time I wanted answers.  
Why did he leave? Why has he got another family? Why was I replaced?  
And I also wanted to run over to him and hug him and call him my daddy have him comfort me tell me everything will be ok. But I was frozen neither of us saying anything.

The emotions running inside me were too much. I began letting them out the only way I new how, warm salty tears began to run down my face blurring my vision, I didn't want to cry in front of him, I didn't want to appear weak, I needed to be strong.

"Bella" It sounded so foreign, I recognised it, but the last time I heard his voice, I heard it through the ears of a child.  
I looked toward him, he had tears forming in his own eyes. The others were looking towards me waiting for a reply, but my mouth felt dry, I didn't think I could speak, what do you say the first time you see your father after thirteen years. Oh hey dad it's nice to see you again. I don't think so.

"Bella can we talk" he spoke again, talk he wants to talk, I think I can see everything quite clearly, mum died, he got depressed knew he wouldn't find anyone else with me tagging along, gives me up, finds a wife, adopts a load of children, lives in a rich fancy mansion, gets a great reputation as a doctor and lives happily ever after, yep I think I just summed it up nicely.  
Of course I didn't say that.

"What is there to talk about, you left, you abandoned me and it looks like you found replacements"

"That's not," he struggled to find his words.

"Bella that's not what they are, I could never replace you you're my daughter, I will always be your father"

Edward gasped and his eyes went wide looking at his father.

"Don't you dare, don't you dare say that, you don't deserve me as a daughter, you gave up that right thirteen years ago"

"Bella I never stopped loving you, I never stopped thinking about you, and I will never forgive myself for leaving you it was the worst mistake of my life, every day I wish I could take it back."

"Why, WHY DID YOU DO IT," I was shouting now tears were streaming down my face.

Esme got up and walked towards Edward.

"Edward come on" Edward looked like he was going to protest, but the look in Esme eyes told him not to. She gave me a sad smile before leaving.

"Bella I was so distraught when your mother died, she took my heart away, it got buried along with her, I felt like I was dying everyday, I wasn't coping and every time I looked at you, I could see her through your eyes, their the same as your mothers, it broke my heart every time I looked at you." He was crying now tears were running down his eyes.

"So you left me" I stated bitterly. He put his face in his hands.

"I was a mess I wasn't looking after you properly" looking up from his hands he said,

"Do you remember how I use to just sit there staring into nothing, how you had to look after yourself because I wouldn't. You were four years old and you had to care for yourself. I couldn't bring you down like that, I wasn't good enough for you, you deserved more you deserved to be happy, to have a mother and a father.

"I had a father, other children mum's die all the time that doesn't mean the father abandons them" he flinched at my harsh words.

"I know I'm so sorry, I wish I had never been so stupid, I hate myself for it" he said chocking on his words. He sounded so broken.

We sat there in silence for a little while just staring at each other, I couldn't stop the tears from coming, he got up and walked carefully towards me, sitting down next to me, he hesitantly held my hand in his. This was too much I couldn't handle it I needed to leave.

I abruptly stood up he looked shocked at my sudden movement.

"I have to go" he looked confused but determined.

"I thought you were staying the night with Alice"

"I was but I think it's best under the circumstances, I leave for tonight I'm sure you will want to discuss things with everyone else." He looked a little shocked at my calm voice, but I was anything but calm I felt like I was breaking from the inside out. I needed to leave before I broke down in front of him, I started to make my way quickly to the door, but he stopped me by standing in front of me.

"Bella please can we see each other again" he pleaded.

"I don't know" and with that I stepped around him and walked as calmly as I could towards my bike.

I don't know if I could handle getting to know him again yes he was my father but he has a new family now one that he clearly loves, and I have Charlie and Emmet, who I love. I don't know what it would mean if I started a relationship with him again.

I rode my bike down the Cullen's driveway and headed towards la push, I couldn't go home yet I needed to clear my head, and what better way than riding, I always feel better once I'm on my bike.  
I steered the bike effortlessly around the corners feeling the wind clearing my head. The speed was exhilarating.

My stomach made a sudden lurch, I slowed down pulling the bike into a layby, getting off the bike I started to feel funny, I bent over only to be violently sick. I guess the shock of the evening was becoming apparent. I sat down on the grass trying to get my breathing back to normal, hugging my knees into my chest I started to feel better. I heard a loud roaring noise I looked up toward the sound to see Jacob's truck.

I met Jacob back when we first moved here, I don't see him very often as he goes to the school on the reservation here in La push. Charlie is good friends with Billie Black Jacob's grandfather, they often go fishing together on the weekends. Jacob's a really good friend and he gets on well with Emmet they sometimes sit and watch the football games together.  
Pulling the truck up behind my bike, I watched as he got out, he had grown taller from the last time I saw him he was nearly as big as Emmet.

"Hey Bells is everything alright" he said while coming towards me. I would love to talk to him, but right now I just wanted to be alone, why did he have to pass me today of all days.

"Yeah Jake I'm fine just had a bad day" I replied fiddling with my hands.

"It's getting pretty late for you to be on the Res" he said, I hadn't even thought of how late it was getting, looking at my watch it was eight thirty, he sat down on the grass beside me.

"You want to talk about it. You feeling alright Bella you look a little pale." He noticed as he looked closely at me, concern and worry replacing his normal happy carefree face.

"No it's ok Jake I'm fine" he didn't look convinced.

"If you're sure" I nodded.

"Something wrong with the bike" he asked

"No I just wanted a rest" I said.

"I'm nearly finished with the Rabbit, I only have a few more parts to add to it, then it's finished" I smiled at him thankful for the distraction.

Jacob's been building a truck for a year now, he calls it his Rabbit, he works on it every second he gets, he is really talented with cars, I wouldn't know the first thing about building a truck.

"I can't wait to take it out on its first spin" he said

"You will have to drive it to my house, I would love to see it Jake." He smiled and nodded.

"You can count on it, I will even let you have a ride" he said nudging me, I laughed Jake could really cheer you up.

"Well I better get going Jake and thanks" he gave me a big wide grin.

"Anytime Bella do you want a ride home I can put the bike in the back" he offered.

"No that's alright, I will be fine see you later ok" I said getting up brushing the grass of me.

"Will do Bells." he said hugging me.

I got back on my bike waving at Jake and headed back towards Forks, I arrived back home, I put the bike in the garage and went indoors, as soon as I saw Charlie the emotions of the day came flooding back, tears started to pour down my face, I couldn'tcontrol them.

Charlie rushed over with a panicked expression.

"Bella, Bella sweetheart what happened, I thought you were staying over at the Cullen's," I cried harder at the name.

I felt the ground disappear as Charles scooped me up into his arms he cradled me to his chest while sitting on the sofa.

"Shh honey what happened, talk to me baby" he soothed

"M m fath er I saw h him", I sobbed out.

"Shh honey I don't understand what you said, try to calm down"

"Breath Bella take deep breaths" he said while rubbing my back in soothing circles.

But I couldn't calm down everything that happened came crushing down onto me at once, it felt good to cry to let it all out while Charlie comforted me.

I heard the front door bang, then footsteps coming into the room.

"Come on Rose it was the best movie ever you… dad what's going on what's wrong with Bella.

"Bella" Emmet asked somewhere behind me, concern in his voice.

"Wasn't she supposed to be staying around mine tonight with Alice and me." Hearing Rosalie voice just made me cry harder, my breathing started to come out as a gasping noises, Emmet looked panicked, he lifted me off Charles lap cradling me like a baby.

"Shh Bella you need to calm down honey tell us what's wrong" he said while rocking me and gentle rubbing my back, my crying soon turned into quite sobs and my breathing returned to normal, Emmet could always calm me down.

"What happened dad" Emmet whispered

"I don't know Emmet she just walked in and started crying about five minutes ago"

"Emmet I'm going to head home, Bella, I hope you feel better soon." Charlie got up to see her out as Emmet still had me in his lap, I had to tell them about today, but I wasn't sure how they would take the news would they be worried I would leave them, if I got to know my father again. Would they feel left out?

Charlie sat back down beside me and Emmet, putting his hand on my knee he asked.

"Bella what happened today"

I took a deep breath looking at both of them.

"I met my real father" I said simply , they looked shocked and curious.

"Its Carlisle Cullen, Edwards Rosalie's Jaspers and Alice's adopted father, is my biological father.

I didn't think they could get shocked anymore than they already were but I was wrong. Charlie was the first one to compose himself.

"Oh Bella that's wow" he said while running his hands over his hair. Emmet pulled me tighter into his chest trying to process what I had just told him.

"I can't believe it, do you think they knew I mean Rosalie and Alice all of them" Emmet asked

"I don't think so Edward Alice and Jasper were there when I saw him. I passed out but Edward was there when we were talking and he looked shocked, I think Esme knew though."

"You passed out" they both said together, I just nodded.

"Are you ok" Emmet asked, looking over me.

"I'm fine Emmet it was just the shock of seeing him again, I recognized him as soon as I saw him mainly because of the picture I have off him, but I don't know how he recognized me. I mean he hadn't seen me since I was four. Maybe I look a lot like my mum. He said my eyes reminded him of her that's why he left, he said it broke his heart every time he looked at me."

I started crying again Emmet rocked me on his lap.

Charlie had been quiet the whole time, I looked over towards him his eyes were sparkling with tears, and he looked worried.

"Daddy this changes nothing you will always be my dad, I love you, both of you" I said firmly as I could between my sobbing. Charlie started crying rarely have I ever seen Charlie cry the only time was when Renee died. He reached over to hug me, it was a little difficult as Emmet was still cradling me in his arms. I was with the two people I loved the most in this world.

**How was that I hope you all liked it, this took me ages to right I wanted to get it just perfect, I kept deleting and re righting. But I finally got there please review let me know how you liked it feedback is great.**


	8. Chapter 8

Finding Myself – Chapter 8

I woke up Monday morning the sun was shining brightly through my window which put a smile on my face straight away. I always appreciate the sun so much more now living in forks it a rare occurrence to see it, the clouds are normally to thick to allow the warmth of the sun through.

I crawled out of bed and made my way towards the shower. I knew I had to go to school today, I can't hide away forever I have to face my problems head on. I have never felt so nervous about going to school, this felt worse than my first day here.

Stepping into the shower, I felt the water warm and refreshing against my skin. I thought about the weekend, it had been just the three of us. Charlie had canceled his plans with Billy to go fishing instead deciding to spend the weekend together.

We never talked about the Cullen's, I know Charlie is feeling insecure and scared about the whole situation but I know whatever happens, I would never leave Charlie or Emmet there my family they always will be.

Emmet had been very quite which is not like him, he wouldn't leave my side all weekend I think he was in brother protective mode.

And as for me I felt lost, scared, unsure, I felt like all my safe boundaries I had built over the years were finally crumbling around me, I couldn't stop them and it scared me, memories were flooding back, I feel as if I lost control, lost my way I need to  
find myself again.  
But most of all I was feeling guilty. Guilty because Charlie and Emmet were feeling as lost and as scared as I was I wanted to comfort them tell them everything was going to be alright, but the truth is I don't know that myself.

The water started to run cold bringing me out of my thoughts. I got dressed into a pair of black jeans and a blue top, walking toward Emmet's bedroom. I opened his door to find him already awake and dressed this was not like him.

"Emmet you're already up," he didn't look up he was staring out the window.

"Are you ok Emmet" I walked towards him sitting on the bed. I scooted up towards him.

"Bella what's going to happen" he asked his voice trembling, I knew what he was asking but I couldn't answerer, I didn't have the answer to that question.

"I don't know Em but whatever happens we have each other never forget that alright." He stayed quite.

"Emmet look at me" I said pulling his face towards me, he looked scare and worried I felt my heart drop in my chest I coursed this.

"This changes nothing you are still my big brother and I will always love you I need you Emmet, please don't disappear"

His heard shot up toward me looking alarmed, I felt tears running down my face, I was suddenly scooped up into Emmet's arms he cradled me to his chest like you would a child, I felt safe in his arms loved.

"Never Bella that will never happen I will always be your big brother I love you to" He reassures me looking relived. I felt his body body relax against mine. He gentle rocked me while my cries subsided, I held him as tight as I could, what was wrong with me I felt so emotional.

Edward had been on my mind a lot these past couple of days, our relationship had grown stronger over the last couple of weeks, I knew I was falling for him hard, but I don't know where this left us, he had called on Sunday wanting to know how I was but I couldn't talk to him, I know I should have but I didn't know what to say.

"Bella come on we better get to school don't worry I will be there the whole time with you"

He knew I was worried about seeing the Cullen again, he was just as worried about Rosalie reaction. They were practically my brothers and sisters, I didn't know how I felt about that, I certainty didn't see Edward like that.

Pulling into the parking lot I saw the Volvo parked on the other side of the lot. Emmet pulled the Jeep into a space, I went to get out but he stopped me.

"Bella I love you"

"I love you to Emmet don't worry it will all work out." God I hope I was right.

We both got out the Jeep Emmet came around and stood beside me. I looked towards the Volvo the Cullen were all standing around the car looking at us.

Edward started to walk towards me, before I knew what I was doing my feet started moving on their own towards him.  
God I missed him, he started to move faster towards me, as he got nearer I could see his beautiful green eyes looking worried.  
I felt myself melting into them, Reaching each other he picked me up and crushed me to his chest I held onto him for dear life, I felt relief curse through me, I never wanted to let go of him.

"Bella are you alright" all I could do was nod, he held me tighter kissing the top of my head.

"It's going to be ok I'm here I love you so much" He still loves me I felt joy surge through my body and a strange sound escaped my lips, I felt relief Happiness and for the first time in days I felt sure that whatever happened in the future I will always have Edward he will always be my Edward.

"I love you too" I said. He pulled away wiping a tear from my check, he looked as if I given him the best gift in the world.  
I felt his lips brush along mine, I pushed my lips against his, I felt whole again safe.

We broke away just staring into each other eyes, his eyes were showing mixed emotions, love being the strongest feeling, along with worry and concern. I could only imagine what mine looked to him.

"I'm alright Edward I promise can we talk after school," he nodded taking my hand walking us towards the Volvo where the rest of the Cullen's were, Emmet was already talking to Rosalie they looked relived to see each other.

"Edward are they I mean" I didn't know what to say thankfully Edward did.

"Bella there fine there more worried about you." he reassured. I took a deep breath, readying myself as we got nearer.

"Hey guys" I said waving towards them Edward smiled down adorable at me.

"Hey Bella we have to go shopping Saturday" Alice said excitedly "I want to get to know my new sister" only Alice

It surprised me how easily she said it, Jasper was holding Alice around her waist. I realize than I shouldn't have worried about Edward and I. Jasper and Alice are together, practically seen as brother and sister there not blood related and neither are Edward and I.

"Hello Bella it's nice to see you again" Jasper said in a formal manner, he shifted from one foot to the other looking really nervous.

"It's ok Jasper you don't have to worry I'm fine" He smiled and nodded he seemed to relax after that. Rosalie let Emmet go and came up to me embracing me into a warm hug.

"How are you Bella I hope you're feeling better" she said I knew she was referring to my breakdown which I hope she has not shared with the others.

"I'm fine Rosalie thanks," she kissed my check and went to stand next to Emmet. I felt strong gentle arms wrap around my waste I knew it was Edward, I leaned back against his chest, I felt his lips brush against my ear.

"See I told you they would be alright" he took my hand in his and we headed towards our first class of the day.

I didn't really know what to expect when I saw all the Cullen's again, I didn't expect to feel the same as I had before, nothing had changed between us not really, we were all still good friends and I'm sure we will stay that way. I don't feel a bond towards them like I have with Emmet, I would do anything for him, to make him happy. Maybe In time I will start feeling that with the Cullen's, but for now I think we are all just happy to be close friends.

I am relived there is no tension between us. I was worried how Rosalie would feel towards Emmet whether or not her feeling had changed, I know Emmet felt unsure but there was no need for them to worry, I know they love each other like Edward and I and nothing is going to change that between either of us.

"See ya at lunch Bells" Emmet yelled, walking away with Rosalie, so much for sticking by me.

Edward took my hand leading us both into Biology we both sat in a usual lab table, we were the first there.

"Bella I don't know what to say I couldn't believe what happened, I still can't get my head around it, I didn't know, I wanted you to know I never knew you were Carlisle daughter. We didn't even know he had a daughter. Esme did but she didn't know it was you. I am so sorry" He spoke so quickly I had trouble picking up what he said. I placed both my hands in his looking into his concerned eyes.

"Edward you have nothing to apologies for, my feelings for you haven't changed and I'm sorry if this has coursed you any problems at home between your family, I'm really sorry."

"No Bella we sat down after you left. Carlisle he told us everything, we were all shocked, we have never kept secrets in the family, Carlisle has always told us not to, we were angry at him and at Esme for keeping something so big to themselves. I was more worried about you how upset you were when you left, all I wanted to do was take you away from it all comfort you. Bella I have never had such strong feeling about someone as I have for you, it scares me sometimes I don't know what to do with them, I just feel so protective of you."

I was in tears by the time he stopped speaking I didn't know what to say he was feeling the exact same way I was feeling for him, so I did the only thing I knew. Leaning towards him I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him, I put all my feeling I had for him into that one kiss, Love,Passion,Lust,Want,Need. When we both broke away his eyes had a dazed look to them. Wow do I have that affect on him.

"Edward can we go to our special place tonight I really need to be with you" he came out of his daze with a dazzling smile.

"I would love to Bella, I will pick you from your house we will have to use my Jeep" I smiled and kissed him, the rest of the student were beginning to make their way into the classroom.

"Edward nobody knows about me being Carlisle daughter do they." That's all I needed the whole town finding out about my life.

"No Bella and none of us are going to say anything that's up to you and Carlisle" I noticed how Edward never calls Carlisle Dad.

Biology seem to go fast, I didn't have anymore lessons with Edward today I was a little disappointed but I knew I would see him between classes and lunch. The day seemed to go fairly fast and before I knew it was lunch time, Edward met me outside my math's class to walk me to the cafeteria. I looked toward Edwards table Emmet was already sitting with them, Rosalie was facing him while he fed her a yogurt I had to laugh at that, Edward looked at me wondering what made me laugh.

"Look at my Brother and Rosalie," I said pointing towards them, what made me laugh harder were Alice and Jasper faces they looked like they were going to sick, they looked really uncomfortable sitting so close to the love birds. Edward laughed looking down towards me.

"You know I wouldn't mind feeding you." That did it I nearly hit the floor in hysterical laughter, which amused Edward. He chuckled pulling me towards the lunch line, I leaned into him trying to get myself under control. It felt nice to be able to laugh again, Edward always made me feel better.

"I love you" I said leaning to kiss his cheek, he smiled sheepishly at me.

"I love you more" did he really just say that.

"That's impossible I love you the most"

"Never Miss Swan, I will always love you the most"

"Ok let's just say we love each other equally shall we" He laughed kissing my forehead. I wasn't having any of that.

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him lovingly on his lips he put his hand around my waste pulling me flash against his body deepening the kiss, while I wrapped my arms around his neck, moaning into his mouth, we both pulled away leaning our heads together breathing heavily.

I heard whistling and "yeah" around us, I had completely forgotten we were standing in the middle of the cafeteria, I felt the familiar heat on my face as the blush come onto my cheek. Edward mealy chuckled in response.

We grabbed a trays feeling them with Pizzas and sodas and hurriedly made a way towards the back to our tables, most of the girls were giving me death glares at this point. I grabbed hold of Edward's hand I was sure one of the girls were going to pull him away from me. We reached our table I noticed Emmet was glaring daggers at Edward and Alice and Rosalie had the biggest smile on their faces. I turned to look at Jasper he was glaring at Edward, wait a minute Jasper was glaring at Edward there was a slight warning in his eyes, I guess Jasper was taking to his new brother role serious, I don't know how I felt about that.

"Well you certainly told everyone who Edward belongs too didn't you." Rosalie said winking at me. Alice giggled.

"Did you see the death glares you got from the whole female population" Alice said still giggling. I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. Emmet was still glaring at Edward.

"Emmet will you give it a rest." I said warningly toward him, his eyes flashed to mine then back to Edwards.

"If you hurt one hair on her head I will kill you, man that's my baby sister" he said giving Edward an evil look.

Edward just nodded, a swallower loudly, I looked at Emmet giving him the "don't you dare look". He backed off slightly looking a little scared.  
The others looked surprised at Emmet's frightened face looking between us. I just shrugged my shoulders at them. Edward relaxed taking my hand under the table.  
People are always so intimidated by Emmet over 6ft, and are always surprised when his 5ft 6" sister can put him back in his place.

**Sorry it took so long I was having a bit of a break but I promise the next one will be up soon don't go anywhere as there is a bit of a drama coming up oh and please review thank you for all the great reviews, I'm really glad I made the last chapter so emotional that some of you even cried, that's exactly how I wanted people to react when reading that part of the story, Thank you **

**Review Please**


	9. Chapter 9

Finding Myself – Chapter 9

Edward was picking me up in a couple of hours so I had plenty of time, I decided to go out on my bike for a bit, Charlie is working late on a case at work and Emmet is playing on his game console in his room. The sun was still out and I hoped it stayed that way for a while Edward and I are planning on going to our special place later tonight.

Opening the garage door, I steered my bike out onto the road I decided I was going to head north through forks, for some light ridding, swinging my leg over the bike, putting my helmet on over my tied back hair. I stretched out my muscles in my arms and kicked started the engine, the feel of it vibrating under me and the sound of the engine felt amazing.

Speeding down the road I turned left at the end, I sped up to about 55mph. I knew I could go faster if I took the next road down into La Push but I wanted to go around forks. The wind was blowing my hair out of my ponytail, the speed felt exhilarating.

Looking into my rearview mirror I saw a car pulling out coming up behind me. The car looked familiar but I couldn't place it.  
I was approaching the traffic lights through Forks mane center, they were all showing green, the road was clear straight ahead, so I sped up taking another look at the car behind me, I still didn't know who it belonged to perhaps it was one of Charles friends.

I headed on through the traffic lights before they decided to turn red. I heard this loud screeching noise from my right hand side, before I could turn my head, I felt myself become airborne my motorbike falling under me.

A huge pain shot through me as I realized I was on top of a windscreen, I heard glass shatter and a screeching sound, the vehicle I was on came to an abrupt stop. Coursing me to fly off the cracked windscreen towards the road. I felt a pain shoot through my leg, as I skidded across the tarmac road hitting the ground hard.  
Suddenly everything went quite I had no pain I felt numb, it felt almost like I was under water, I couldn't hear anything and I felt as if I was floating.

Just as fast as the pain went it came back. Pain shot through every part of my body making me cry out, I couldn't distinguish which part of my body the pain was coming from it just felt like I was burning. I heard screaming coming from somewhere, and realized it was coming from me, I closed my mouth whimpering from the pain.

I heard a car reversing and screeching noise, and saw the car that had hit me heading off into the distance. Bastard, I could be dying and he fucking leaves. Now I was pissed.

I heard footstep running towards me thank god someone found me.

"Hello can you hear me it's going to be alright, I'm a doctor don't move" He said in calm voice, hang on I recognize that voice Carlisle.

"Arrrrrrr" I groaned out, pain everywhere.

"Can you tell me where it hurts" he said softly. He didn't recognize me I still had my helmet covering my face.

"Carlisle" I whimpered horsey.

"Bella is that you, oh my god, Bella stay with me you're going to be fine sweetheart, hold on" he said slightly panicked.

"Bella I need you to tell me how you're breathing is, can you hear me"

"Yes but my chest hurts" my voice sounded unfamiliar.

"Ok hold on sweetheart." He said stoking my shoulder.

I heard him shuffling around.

"Hello I need an ambulance just north of Forks by the second traffic lights, there been an RTA."

"Yes it is Dr Cullen"

"A motorbike has been hit by a car."

"Yes"

"Female 17 years old I'm assessing her injuries now"

"Ok hurry up" he shouted.

I could hear him shuffling again, but I couldn't see him.

"Bella the ambulance is on its way, I'm going to examine you I need you to keep as still as possible try not to move your neck. I need you to tell me where the pain is ok"

"The pain is everywhere my leg hurts really bad, oww It hurts daddy" I cried out. I felt sick and dizzy.

"I know honey it's going to be ok" he said his voice trying to stay calm.

I could feel him probing about, my helmet was getting on my nerves, I felt pushing on my chest. That hurt I sucked in a breath gasping.

"Owww" I cried, my body started shaking, I started feeling panic I could die without seeing my family again.

"Bella I'm going to give you some morphine for the pain" he said gently, morphine why the hell has he got morphine on him. I felt a sharp scratch in my arm but it was nothing compared to the rest of the pain I was feeling.

I could hear sirens in the distance, the pain started to dull.

Carlisle continued with his exam feeling around my head and shoulders, my head was pounding like someone had taken a sledge hammer to it. I was relived Carlisle was here, I never felt so pleased to see him. I could hear him talking but couldn't make out what he was saying. I could sense other people around us.

The sound of the sirens were getting nearer and I could feel myself slowly loosing consciousness my eyes fluted closed, Carlisle noticed what was happening.

"No Bella you need to stay awake I know it's hard but you need to stay conscious for me." He said loudly

But it was no use the morphine had taken me into a sense calm, I felt like I had before, floating above water, the pain had almost disappeared all I wanted to do was sleep.

"No come on stay with me please" he pleaded with me, looking panicked.

My eyes shot open trying to obey he's commanding voice but it was no use, I couldn't hold on any longer my eyes slowly closed allowing the darkness to encase me.

I heard people talking but I couldn't make it out.

I felt myself being lifted onto something soft and comfortable.

Sound of an engine, movement.

More people talking.

Something or someone pressing down on me.

The blackness was starting to clear, and with that the pain was coming back full force. I didn't know what was happening.  
Where was I? The pain was taking over everything. It was like someone was stabbing at me. My eyes shot open from the pain. I held my breath stopping the scream from coming out.

I was in a room, laying on something hard and cold, a white tiled ceiling above me, I concentrated on the ceiling willing the pain to disappear. I heard shouting around me Carlisle was leaning over me, I tried to concentrate on his face but it was hard my vision kept blurring in and out of focus, he had a mask over his face.

"Dr Cullen She's awake" someone said slightly panicked.

Carlisle looked at me noticing I was awake. He smiled pulling down his mask.

"Bella you're going to be ok were getting ready to operate on your leg, I'm going to put you to sleep now ok" he smiled reassuringly. I didn't care what he was going to do only that he takes this pain away.  
I felt his hand stroking my forehead, I groaned as I started to feel lightheaded not liking this new sensation, I felt myself panic but before I could do anything the all too familiar blackness took over once again.

* * *

I felt peaceful. I was surrounded in blackness but it felt good and I welcomed it, I didn't want to leave this pace, it was my comfort zone there's no pain. I wonder why I feel like this. I was in some sort of an accident.  
Something started tugging at me pulling me away from my comfort zone. I was floating upwards.

* * *

I was first aware of a beeping noise. I concentrated, allowing the constant rhythm of it to sooth me.  
I was lying on something soft and comfortable, like a bed something soft under my head. I was pleasantly surprised that I felt no pain. Listening to the beeping noise as it continued to sooth me, realizing it was a heart monitor. I was in a hospital which meant something happened. I could hear faint voices near me. I wanted to open my eyes but they just felt too heavy.

I remembered I was in an accident I was on my bike, I got hit, and Carlisle he was with me. The beeping noise changed, became faster the familiar rhythm lost. The voices became clearer. I strained my ears to hear them, trying to understand what they were saying.

"Bella can you hear me" Carlisle voice sounded in my ear.

"Is she alright" Charlie asked.

"I think she is waking up" Carlisle said

"Oh thank god" Emmet let out relived laugh.

"Bella can you hear me" Carlisle asked again.

I wanted to answer him back but couldn't I felt so drained. Someone took my hand.

"Squeeze my hand if you can hear me Bella"

I willed my fingers to move trying to let them know I was alright. I squeezed it as tight as I could, I heard a gasp, and relived sigh.

"Bella can you open your eyes for me" Carlisle said

My eyes felt like they had weights on them but I tried to open them and to my surprise they opened,

I slowly cracked them open one at a time but snapped them shut by the bright light in the room. Carlisle signed.

"Dad" I crooked out.

"Yes" Charlie and Carlisle said at the same time. I slowly opened my tired eyes.

"Emmet" I asked

"I'm here bells right beside you"

I turned my head to the sound of his voice, smiling weekly at him, he looked worried but relived.

"Bella how are you feeling, have you got any pain" Carlisle asked leaning over me.

"No I'm fine I feel light" and I did my body felt like it weighed nothing.

"Light" he asked looking concerned, before realization came in his eyes. He smiled.

"That would be the morphine, we have you very heavily medicated."

I looked down my body, I noticed i had an IV needle in my arm, and my left arm was bandaged up, I tried to move a little I couldn't feel much bellow my waste, that sent me into a panic.

"Why can't feel anything bellow my waste"

The machines started beeping faster I felt panicked. My breathing was coming out in a gasp. Oh my god am I paralyzed.

"Bella, Bella I need you to calm down your fine it's just the medication, your leg was badly damaged we had to operate but everything is fine, please relax."

Emmet looked freaked. My breathing started to even out as I heard Carlisle words.

"Calm down your fine" Carlisle soothed brushing my forehead. I nodded. Carlisle looked relived.

"You need to stay still you sustained some pretty nasty injuries just relax" Carlisle soothed. I nodded.

"I'm so glad you're ok Bella you worried us there for a bit" Charlie said taking my hand. I smiled

"Do you remember what happened" Carlisle asked I nodded weekly I was starting to drift off to sleep again.

"I was on my bike someone hit me, you were there" I said towards Carlisle he smiled.

"I was behind you I saw what happened, the person who hit you ran a red light, and they hit you and took off." Carlisle said. Carlisle and Charlie looked mad. So it was Carlisle in that car. Emmet still looked scared, he was very quite.

"I'm fine Emmet really" I said extending my hand to him he had tears in his eyes, he gave me a one armed hug, I felt his body tremble as he started sobbing.

"Shh Emmy I'm fine, shh" I said rubbing his back he carried on sobbing.

"I thought I was going to lose you bells"

"Never Emmet you will never lose me, I love you" I said hugging him tighter.

"I love you too" he said through his sobs, Carlisle got up walking towards the door, I looked towards him Emmet still sobbing in my arms.

"I will be outside if you need me just press the call button rest Bella" I nodded.

"I will thank you Carlisle" I said smiling at him he smiled back and left the room.

Charlie came over to the other side of the bed placing a kiss on my head.

"I love you Bella" he said tears in his own eyes, Charlie was crying I must have really scared them.

"I love you to dad, I love you Emmet." I said sleepily

"Rest baby you need to regain your strength." I nodded Emmet sat down on the chair by the bed, never letting go of my hand tears still in his eyes. I smiled at both of them before sleep took me.


	10. Authors Notes

Authors Notes

I just wanted to right and thank everyone for all the great reviews I have been getting they are really helping me with the story your import has been great.

I'm not going to tell you too much about where the story is heading because I want you to read it and be surprised I don't think anyone was expecting the accident I hope you all liked that, there will be more Bella/Carlisle moments and Edward/Bella Moments, also Bella is going to spend some time with Esme as well.

Thank you so much I'm really enjoying doing this and I have some more ideas for different story's involving the Denali family and the Cullen's, but I'm not giving to much away, I will be starting it shortly, but don't worry Finding myself will get finished.


	11. Chapter 10

Finding myself – Chapter 10

I knew I was dreaming, somewhere in my subconscious I realised I was asleep but I couldn't help but feel like part of it was true, and I had been willing it not to be, my dream felt so vivid so real.

_I was standing in the Cullen living room, it looked the same nothing was out of place the Cullen's were all standing around me looking angry and deeply annoyed. I cringed away from there intense stare. My father was standing looking down at me with pity in his eyes. I felt tears welling up as they began to creep nearer towards me._

"_We don't want you here you are not part of this family" Rosalie sneered at me._

"_Why have you come back no one wants you go so back to were you came from" Alice chimed in a with a menacing tone."_

"_I never wanted you I could do so much better you're not worth it, I could never love you" Edward said glaring daggers at me._

"_Please stop" I cried out._

_I was crying full out now they were leaning over me, I couldn't breathe, I felt my chest tightening into a panic attack._

"_You were never good enough that's why I left, you wanted the real reason and there it is you were just a burden to me. You were a mistake. I wanted children who are clever and beautiful not ugly ungrateful like you are, you are the reason you're mother's dead. You took her away from me I will never love you. I will never forgive you._

_Esme was standing behind him with her hands on his shoulder. Disproval look in her eyes._

"_I think you should go now dear no one wants you here."_

"_LEAVE" they all chanted, my breathing was beyond hyperventilating. I was gasping for breath, I felt a hand snack around my waste picking me up throwing me out the door. I screamed as I felt the concrete cut through my leg._

_  
_"Bella Bella wake up" I heard a voice say

"Bella please wake up"

I could hear someone screaming, Urgent voices calling around me.

"Edward what happened" A panicked voice said.

"I don't know Carlisle she just started screaming." Edward said.

"Bella wake up it's just a dream" Carlisle insisted. I felt someone shaking me gently but firmly.

I realised it was me screaming I clamped my mouth shut, whimpering from the sudden emotion hitting me, it was just a dream it wasn't real. I snapped my eyes open to find them blurry with tears. I blinked a couple of times tying to clear my hazy vision. I kept my eyes firmly on the ceiling above me. The beeping from the heart monitor had picked up.

"Bella can you hear me, you need to calm down honey" Carlisle soothed brushing my forehead.

I didn't answer, warm salty tears were streaming down my face. My breathing was coming out as gasps. I was feeling very dizzy from the lack of oxygen getting into my lungs. Closing my eyes I tried to steady my breathing. I started concentrating on anything but the dream. I thought back to when Emmet and Charlie took me ice skating for the first time, I kept falling down but Emmet was always there to catch me and teach me how it was supposed to be done, we had a great time and I soon picked it up.

It worked, I slowly opened my eyes the heart monitor was returning to a slow steady rhythms as I started to relax. I concentrated on the sound allowing it to sooth me further.

"Bella are you alright" This time I nodded taking a few steady breaths.

"Yeah I'm ok, bad dream" I said breathlessly. I heard someone sign beside me.

I couldn't look at them, I didn't want to see the look of disapproval and pity in my father's eyes and the anger in Edwards. I knew I was being irrational, it was just a dream. But I couldn't help to feel if a part of it was true, was a burden to them. Is that how they felt about me, is that how my father really feels, its not like he was looking for me in the first place we sort of just bumped into each other. We haven't had a chance to speak since that night, is he only being kind to me now because he's my doctor he has a level of care to uphold. That's all it is, why would he want me back into his life, he has a family already, and I'm not part of it.

Would he really want me back? Will he just feel obligated to get to know me?

No I have to stop thinking like this.

"How are you feeling are you in any pain" I felt a warm hand on my shoulder bringing me out of my thoughts.

I just shook my head not trusting my voice to break. I couldn't look into their eyes my gaze still firmly on the ceiling. I was in pain but I didn't want to go back to sleep, my leg was painfully hurting me and my head was throbbing I knew I couldn't last much longer I would call a nurse once it got too much.

I saw movement to my right were my IV was attached, turning my head I saw Carlisle adjusting the IV bag. He looked down at me noticing my gaze, I was shocked to find his face showing concern and worry. He smiled and his features seem to relax.

Turning my head I saw Edward sitting on my left his eyes boring into me.

"Edward what are you doing here" He looked confused and slightly offended.

"I came to see you of course" his eyebrows pulling together looking confused and on the verge of tears.

He smiled and hesitantly brushed his hand over my forehead moving a lock of hair from my eyes. He took my hand in his rubbing soothing circles with his thumb he looked so worried. I smiled at him trying to reassure him, I was alright. He smiled back but it didn't reach his eyes. His eyes were glistering with tears, I gently squeezed his hand in reassurance he squeezed back.

"I was so worried when Carlisle called me I…" he chocked on his words, swallowing loudly.

"Shh I'm ok, look at me Edward." I said. His head was down looking into his lap like it's the most interesting thing in the world. Putting my hand under his chin I brought his head up to meet my gaze, tears were running down his face, I took my thump and wiped them away.

"Edward I'm ok everything is going to be alright" I said reassuringly. He looked so broken.

"Come here" I said extending one arm to show I wanted to comfort him, his head shot up looking directly at me before leaning over embracing me into an awkward hug, it wasn't an easy feet with all the wires everywhere.

I felt his body trembling bellow me, as I let him cry I started rubbing his back whispering words of comfort into his ear, I had forgotten my father was still in the room, I looked towards him he was sitting in a chair at the end of the bed watching our interactions, his face set into a warm smile.

I closed my eyes feeling more tired then when I first woke up, I felt Edward pull away from my embrace, placing a tender kiss on my forehead, I smiled, sighed happily.

I hadn't realised how dark it was outside, there was a small window in the room the blinds were palled half way down. I wondered were Emmet and Charlie are.

Carlisle looked towards me noticing my confusion.

"It's rather late Emmet and Charlie have gone home for the night I told them I will be here all night, they went home to get some rest you have been sleeping all day." Carlisle said.

"What time is it" I asked

"Ten o'clock" I nodded, I wonder why he stayed.

"It's my night shift, it's a quiet night so I thought I would keep you company" he said smiling at me.

"Thanks but you don't have to do that" I said.

"I wanted too" he said reassuringly.

We settled into an awkward silence, Edward still holding my hand. He looked as if he wanted to say something I felt like I knew exactly what he wanted to say.

"What is it Edward"

He looks up surprise in his face. "Bella promise me you will never ride one of those things again"

"Edward it wasn't exactly my fault it could off happened to anyone the person behind that car ran a red light I had no chance of knowing that."

"I know you didn't but if you were in a car you might not have been so injured as you are now" That brought up a question I hadn't yet asked, I didn't even know what injuries I had except for the leg and my wrist.

I looked over to Carlisle.

"What are my injuries how bad am I" he smiled sadly.

"Your right leg was badly broken in two places we had to operate, we put them back into place it should heal within eight to ten weeks. You also sustained four broken ribs," he said

I knew that, I could feel the harness constricting movement around my chest.

"You sprained your left wrist, and you have miner lacerations on your body, your back took most of the glass when you fell onto the windscreen, we had to remove some while you were in surgery. You also suffered a concussion. The morphine should be keeping the pain at bay, but we will have to start taking you of it soon, we will slowly wean you off in a couple of days, to much longer and your body could get dependent on it, you may be a bit sick for a little while it depends. We often find people with drug addictions have a harder time as they get addicted quicker. But that's not in your case so don't worry."

He pauses looking at me.

"I also have arranged for you to have a physiotherapist to come see you in a few days you have to learn how to cope with being on crutches for a while, and your muscles need to be strengthened especially in your leg"

Great I can hardly walk by myself now I have to trust myself on crutches yep that will work.

"Wow I didn't realise I had so many injuries, I can't really feel all of them at the moment, not looking forward to the pain coming back when you take me off the morphine though" I said. He smiles reassuringly.

"Don't worry we can give you other milder pain medication and it won't make you so sleepy" I nodded

I really had done a number on myself this time. Edward looked like he was falling asleep, Carlisle noticed he got up putting his hand on his shoulder.

"Edward I think your best go home get some rest you're no good to Bella like this"

"No I'm fine I am not leaving her" he said sleepily. Carlisle sighed. I decide to interrupt.

"Edward I'm going to be fine you look exhausted go home get some sleep I will be here in the morning please you're making me feel bad" he sighed heavily looking unsure.

"Edward please go home I don't want you getting sick because of me please, Carlisle here nothing going to happen to me" I said

"Alright I love you" he said kissing my cheek moving down to my lips, I felt a little uncomfortable knowing Carlisle was standing in the room.

"I love you too now go and I will see you tomorrow" I told him.

"Look after her Carlisle" Edward said. I rolled my eyes, smiling at him

"I will Edward don't worry, you be alright to drive" Carlisle asked.

"Yeah I will be fine" he places one last kiss on my head before leaving me with my father.

Carlisle comes over to sit by my bed where Edward was. Suddenly a nurse come fluttering into the room.

"Oh good evening Dr Cullen, Bella how you feeling dear. Time for you IV to be changed I wont be a minute." I smiled at her

"Good evening Marry" Carlisle said smiling kindly at the nurse, she looked dazzled for a few minutes before shaking her head and continuing with the IV change.

"There all done how you feeling dear you haven't had any pain medication for awhile" she said concerned.

"I'm alright at the moment" I said. The nurse looks disbelieving and a little unsure.

"Well call me if you're in pain honey and I will give you some more alright" I nodded at her smiling, she looked over at Carlisle smiling at him but he was looking at me. The nurse then left leaving us alone once again.

We stayed silent for what felt like hours I was feeling a little uncomfortable with the tension in the room, before Carlisle broke the silence.

"Bella" he started hesitantly "I would really like to get to know you if you would let me, I know I haven't been there for you and believe me when I say I regret it the most, I wish I had never left you, I know I cant make up for all the years I have lost with you, but I'm just asking you to give me a chance to know you please give me that chance."

I looked into his eyes trying to see the lie behind his words but there was none he really did mean it.  
Do I really want to take the chance with him, would I just be setting myself up for another heartbreak, would he leave once he got board of me. What about Edward I couldn't lose him I love him, will he let me carry on seeing his son.

His eyes had taken on a sad but pleading look, what would I tell Charlie and Emmet would they be mad at me.  
There is always too many question and not enough answers.  
Deep down I wanted to take the chance to get to know him, Emmet and Charlie will always be my family and will always come first, if he was to leave again I know I would always have Emmet and Charlie. They have always supported me in the past and would go with my decision. I know they won't be very happy but they would understand. I decide I would take the chance, but I need it to be in my own time. I hope he's doing this because he wants to not because he feels obligated too.

I looked towards him his eyes were pleading looking deep into my soul.

"Alright we can give it a go, try to get to know each other again, but I'm not promising anything and I have to talk to Emmet and Charlie first, I need to do this in my own time. Don't expect me to start calling you dad anytime soon either ok" he smiles relief and excitement on his face.

"Thank you, thank you for giving me another chance I promise you I won't let you down" I nodded I still wanted to ask about Edward.

"How do you feel about me and Edward" I asked slightly nervous. He smiled

"I'm happy for the both of you, I have never seen Edward so happy you have changed him for the better, Edward has always been on his own, and never having a girlfriend before you, so I'm very happy to see him with you Esme is thrilled too"

I was quite shocked to find Edward never having a girlfriend before we had not spoken much about who we dated before we met.

"You have grown into a very beautiful young woman Bella, I couldn't have asked for a more beautiful daughter." I blushed under his intense gaze.

"Do I still remind you of mum." He nods, but he doe sent look sad about it.

"Yes you look a lot like your mother did, you have her eyes and her hai,r she had hair just like you, though you have my face you have my nose." He said smiling a little.

"I miss her very much, I never stopped loving her, there will always be a part in my heart for her but when I met Esme I realised that I had to move on, it doesn't mean I stopped loving your mum, I just made room for Esme as well"

I nodded understanding, but what I didn't understand is how he could have left me, I don't think I will ever truly understand. How can a father leave his own daughter I'm not sure I can ever forgive him either, but maybe I can move on like he did.

"When did you meet Esme" I wanted to know how long it took him to find someone else.

He looked nervous, "It was five weeks after I…." he couldn't finish his sentence, I felt my eyes widen looking shocked at him. Five week five fucking weeks. I was speechless.

"Bella I know what you think but it wasn't like that" he said slightly panicked.

"No well what was it like then, FIVE WEEKS" I shouted, I laughed without hummer it sounded like a strangled cry.

Silence descended over us, I don't think I could hear anymore tonight, I didn't have the energy.

"I think I need to rest now I'm feeling really tied"

"Bella I " But I interrupted him.

"Please not tonight we can talk again soon I'm just really tired and I hurt." He nods.

I know there was going to be things I wouldn't like to hear, but I felt shocked and angry that it only took him five god dam weeks to replace both me and my mum.

"I will go get the nurse ask her to give you some more pain medication, you'll feel better soon" He said going into doctor mode.

I nodded and he left the room. I could feel tear running down my cheek, I felt sick how could he do this to me, I didn't understand I felt so confused, I wanted to see Emmet and Charlie, Emmet giving me his big bear hug. Tears were streaming down my face now. The nurse came in looking slightly panicked as she took in my crying form she rushed over.

"Oh honey what's wrong why are you crying" she said while rubbing my shoulder. I shook my head

"I'm alright I just hurt, I feel exhausted" she smiles sadly.

"Well you feel better in a minute I have some more pain medication, I'm going to put it in your IV ok honey" I nodded wiping my tear away.

"There you go you should feel that in a few minutes" she said softly puffing up my pillows.

"Thank you" I said sniffing.

"Your welcome" she said.

I felt the pain easing up and my eyes were becoming heavy I didn't fight it, I needed the blackness, I welcomed it, the last thing I thought I heard was Carlisle voice.

"I'm so sorry sleep my angel"

**Please Review they really help Thank you guys**


	12. Carlisles POV Story

Hello I just wanted to let all you guys know that I have started Finding Myself in Carlisle Point of view its called Finding Bella first chapter is up now hope you enjoy what Carlisle and the family think about Bella and the reaction of the family. Please review thank you


	13. Chapter 11

Finding Myself – Chapter 11

The next couple of days were beyond boring did I say how I loathed hospital.  
The physiotherapist had visited me earlier his name is Tom he demonstrated some stretching techniques he wanted me to practise while in bed. I was a little worried when he mentioned the word gym apparently the hospital had one and this is were I would be spending the majority of my afternoons in for the next weeks to help strengthen my muscles. He reassured me it wouldn't take long to get me back on my feet but we had a lot of work ahead of us.

I had given a lot of thought about what Carlisle had said to me. The conversation kept going over and over in my mind.

"_I wish I had never left you, I know I cant make up for all the years I have lost with you, but I'm just asking you to give me a chance to know you please give me that chance."_

"_When did you meet Esme" I had asked him._

"_It was five weeks after I…." He had stammered out._

Over and Over I kept turning it in my head, that was the part I just couldn't seem to forget, five weeks why god why hadn't he come back, I was still at the home at that time, he could have come for me, but he had chosen to stay away carry on his life without me. Then I thought about what he had told me about mum when I first saw him at his house.

"_I could see her through your eyes, their the same as your mothers, it broke my heart every time I looked at you."_

"_So you left me" I had stated._

He had told me that was a big reason why he had left yet the other night I had asked…

"_Do I still remind you of mum." _

"_Yes you look a lot like your mother did, you have her eyes and her hair she had hair just like you, though you have my face you have my nose." He smiled a little._

Why did it bother him all those years ago? Does it still hurt him to look at me?  
What had changed I still looked like my mother? Was that the only reason he left or was there something more?

Again there were too many question and not enough answers.

"_when I met Esme I realized that I had to move on, it doesn't mean I stopped loving your mum, I just made room for Esme as well"_

He was right he had moved on was there really any room for me in his life, he had left that part of him behind. He had made a good life for himself and I was generously happy for him.  
I'm glad he found the path back to being a doctor, it something he has always wanted to do he used to love helping people, he hated others in pain always wanting to fix things. He just couldn't fix his own family. They always say people who can fix other people problems, can never fix there own. I guess that's what happened in our case.

I had not seen much of Carlisle there was a bad Traffic accident over the last couple of days involving a car and a large delivery truck he had been called to Seattle to operate I was currently following the event on the news.

I'm a little relived that he had gone for a couple of days, I still felt uncomfortable around him, he always seems so careful what he says to me like one wrong word and bang it will go up in a puff of smoke.  
I want to see him for who he is, instead he had been treating me like I'm a fragile child it frustrates me.

Edward had been back everyday to see me, along with Emmet and Charlie, they brought me a big Mac yesterday which I was very grateful for. I have had it with hospital food if i have to look at another rice pudding or green jelly slosh I am going to scream my head off.

I had been moved to a private room thanks to Carlisle he had insisted for the duration of my stay, that I needed more privacy, I wasn't going to argue with him the room was great I had my own television, My own personal bathroom, the bed was bigger and much more comfortable and most importantly it was nice and quite.

Charlie had brought my laptop for me so I wouldn't fall behind on my school work, Edward made sure to pick up any homework that I needed, I was happy to have something to do, I didn't want to fall behind.

I was lying in my bed reading through an essay I had just finished typing out when there was a faint knock on the door.

"Come in" I called.

I looked up to see Edwards mum walking into the room, she hadn't been to visit me since the accident, I felt a little nervous seeing her I wonder what she wanted maybe she's here to tell me to stay away from her family.  
I tried sitting up but found myself groaning in pain. I was still on the morphine which was helping with most the pain the only thing it made me very tired.  
I was supposed to be taken off it gradually starting today, but as Carlisle wasn't back from Seattle. I had to wait he wanted to be here when I came down from my high.

"Hello dear I hope I'm not intruding" I shook my head. she added "How are you feeling"

"I'm not to bad thank you, I have just been catching up on some homework Edward brought in this morning"

She took the seat by my bed smiling warmly at me I felt myself relaxing into her gaze, she reminded me so much of Renee I missed her. I placed my laptop on the tables over my bed and shut the lid down.

"How's your homework would you like some help with it" I smiled at her concern.

"No I have already finished, it was my English essay but thank you." She nodded before turning to her bag,

"I bought these for you" she said pulling out a big box of Cadbury chocolates" my smile grew huge I love chocolate.

"Thank you Esme you shouldn't have but thank you I wont say no" she laughed, as I eyed the delicious looking box.

"Well tuck in" she said with a glint her eyes. I ripped open the box, offering one to Esme she gracefully took one while I stuffed one in my mouth moaning at the delicious taste.

"If I knew that's all it took to gain your heart I would have brought chocolates sooner love" I gasped.

I turned to see Edward standing in the doorway smiling at me.

"No you just bring me homework and oh more homework" he laughed coming over towards me.

"Edward what are you doing here" I asked. He smiled

"Well it's my lunch break I thought I would come and see my beautiful girl" he said placing a kiss on my lips.

"Hey mum" he said moving to hug Esme.

"Hello darling how is school" she asked him.

"Its fine its school so you know" he said dejected looking at me

"Someone's missing me" I said teasing him. He smiled the crooked smile that I love.

"Of course I do, schools not the same without you all I want to do is stay here with you, also the works mounting up."

I screwed up my face.

"You haven't brought me more homework have you" I groaned out. Although I was glad he brought it to me, I couldn't keep up I had already received four pieces of homework two being assignments. It's hard to concentrate when I keep dropping off to sleep every five minutes.

"No I haven't luckily for you there won't be anymore until next week, there happy you're keeping up but they told me they didn't want to put any more pressure on you. You're not off the morphine yet so it's got to be hard to concentrate." I nodded stiffening a yawn.

"I keep falling asleep, I nearly dropped my laptop last night the nurse came in before it had a chance to smash on the floor" I said

"Carlisle won't be very happy knowing your working so hard he would want you to rest" He stated sternly.

"I know but I can't fall behind thank you for brining me the work"

"Your welcome sweetheart, I better be getting back enjoy your chocolates" He said kissing my lips I eagley kissed him back, we had not had much alone time lately and it was getting to me I just wanted him to hold me.

"Will you come back tonight" I asked pouting. He smiled

"Of course I wouldn't want to be anywhere else" He spoke softly.

"Bye mum look after each other" He said as he exited the room.

Esme was smiling at me I wonder what that's about.

"What" I said blushing.

"You don't see the change you have brought to his life the change you have brought to all our lives I'm so happy to see you both together." I smiled.

"Esme what was Edward like before" Her eyes glaze over before she spoke.

"Edward was always very quite, he has never had a girlfriend before you, when we adopted him he was very closed of, he came from a very loving family which made it harder for him to except Carlisle and I. His parents were killed in a car accident so you can see how what happened to you has upset him so much these last couple of days. He cares greatly for you Bella. You are a very special girl to be able to win Edwards's heart he has never let anyone into his life before now, Thank you for coming into our lives I have always thought of you as my daughter even though I had not had the chance to meet you."

I looked at her confused I wasn't sure Carlisle had said anything about me but the way Esme had reacted that night I had my suspicions. She too my expression as confusion.

"Yes Bella Carlisle told me about you when we first met, he's a different man then he was back then, when I first met your father he was a mess his pain from losing your mother and the guilt from giving you up, was eating at him. I saw the kind caring person in him when we first met but I also saw the pain and hurt in his eyes. His biggest regret in life was giving you up for adoption Bella he loves you more then you think, it's just not easy for him to express himself."

I looked into her eyes and saw the honesty of her words this woman knew my father better then I did and a part of me was jealous of her. I felt my vision blur with ushered tears, I quickly wiped them away hoping Esme hadn't seen how week I was when it came to talking about my father.

"I'm like him in that way I have never been good at expressing my own feelings" I said.

Esme nodded a sad smile etched on her face she really was a beautiful woman. A ringing noise startled me out of my thoughts.

"Hello" Esme said into her mobile.

"Oh Carlisle I'm just at the hospital visiting Bella."

"Yes she's fine" I looked away trying to concentrate on something else wanting to give Esme some privacy.

"Ok" she paused.

"Yes"

"I will do"

"I love you too" she said before she hung up.

"That was Carlisle he said to give you his love and he will be back later tonight" she said putting her phone back in her bag.

"He's coming here tonight to the hospital" I asked

"Yes he is going to drop in on his way home to see you" she said fiddling with her bag.

Great Edward and I were suppose to be spending some time together toning I have really missed him lately, maybe Carlisle won't spend to long here. Charlie will be here in a little while unless he has to work late and Emmet will come straight after school he's taking Rosalie out for there second date later tonight, I really do love those two together.

Esme was a nice person I could see why my father fell in love with her, her heart was pure she was such a caring kind soul, he was very lucky to have found her.

She sat with me for another hour we spoke of many things mostly about her work she never brought up Carlisle I found her interesting to talk to you could oblivious see how passionate she was about her work.

She spoke about the other Cullen's I still found that hard technically I wasn't a Cullen anymore I was a swan. She told me about them adopting, that Edward was there first, how it was hard for him to come to terms with his parents death this saddened me anything that made Edward unhappy made me unhappy.

Why she was speaking I couldn't help but think maybe things do happen for a reason in life, if I hadn't been given up for adoption would my father have met Esme, would Edward have been adopted by them, and worse still if I had stayed with my father and he had adopted Edward with Esme would I have seen Edward off nothing more then a brother to me.

I know one thing out of all this mess I know my life belongs with Edward I truly couldn't be happy without him.

**Ok I know that wasn't a very conversational chapter but the next one will be with Carlisle I hope you all like  
Chapter 1 Finding Bella in Carlisle POV I haven't written the next one yet so I will be getting onto that tomorrow.**

**Please keep reviewing I cant thank you all enough for spending the time reading the story I hope I'm living up to your expectations.**


	14. Chapter 12

Finding Myself – Chapter 12

The light was beginning to fade thought my small hospital window, the view was nothing special it looked over the parking lot at the front, unless I was one of those crazy car spotters, I didn't find it very interesting.

The nurses were really nice here, Nurse Mary was the first nurse Carlisle introduced me to according to him she was to be my personal nurse as I was in a private room, I was mortified the first time she came in and told me they were going to give me a bed bath. I still wasn't allowed to get out of bed and that's something I was planning on talking to Carlisle about once he arrives later tonight. I wanted my independence back

I was a little tense about seeing Carlisle, we talked a few times over the phone the past couple of days and I know he wants to take me of the medication they have me on at the moment he also said he wanted to talk to me, there was something he needed to say.

I had been lying here all day wondering what it was he wanted to talk to me about, but decided I just had to wait and see. There are questions I want to ask him about his life, but I am scared to at the same time I don't know what it is I want, I suppose I am just looking for answers.

Charlie had been very quite lately, I can't help but think this situation is upsetting him more then he lets on. I have tried to tell him that nothing could ever come between us and I'm not leaving him but I don't think it's registering with him. His greatest fear is loosing one of us.

Emmet is just worried I'm getting to close he doesn't want me to be upset when it all goes wrong, as soon as he found out that Carlisle was my Biological father he took an instant dislike to him. He also made it clear nothing will come between Rosalie and himself I don't think anything could those two are made for each other.

I know he is also scared that I'm going to replace him with Jasper as a big brother, Emmet loves playing the big protector and to have that role taken away frightens him and everyone knows I do not see Edward as a big brother. I reassured him I have only one big brother and that was him.

Renee I know would have shouted at Carlisle and told him what she thought of him I could see it now, she would have then got us on the first flight out of here.

Being the first to see me at the adoption agency, she knew how scared I was, how distraught I was even as a child and what it had done to me. She hated Carlisle before she even met him, it wouldn't have mattered what kind of person he was, in her eyes any one who would walk away from there reasonability's of being a parent were nothing more then scum on the bottom of her shoe.  
She hated him.

And I really don't know what Helen would have thought I think she would have been disappointed in him, but I do not remember enough about her, I wish I could I don't even have a picture only one of Carlisle.

It's not hard to see that Carlisle is very well respected here in the hospital, the nurse are forever singing his praise, they don't know I'm his biological daughter and I have asked Carlisle to keep it like that.  
I can just see the forks headlines, "Bella Swan Daughter of Dr Cullen who would have known" that's something I couldn't handle at the moment and I didn't want Charlie feeling worse.

I can see how well he has done for himself over the years and apart of me feels he doesn't deserve it, why should he be allowed to have all this? I am not normally a spiteful person I love to see people make the most of there life's,

I hate those people who go through life hardly lifting a finger yet they get everything handed to them.  
Then you have the hard working honest people who work to the bone and just manages to keep there heads above water.  
Life can throw crawl things to you sometimes.

But Do I look at Carlisle as my father? No I look at him as another person in my life but not a father figer,  
Charlie has filled that gap over the years it took me a while at the beginning to start calling him daddy I was confused at first I found it difficult to come to terms with the fact Carlisle wasn't coming back any time soon but when I finally excepted it, Charlie became my father. Renee she always felt like a mother to me, maybe it was because I lost Helena at such a young age.

I will always look at Charlie as my father, I remember all the times he was there for me as a father, even when we struggled we would always stick together as a family, Charlie loved his job, its something he has always done and loved, you would think being the chief of police he would be loaded well he is loaded but not in the cash sense, we have always just been comfortable off, we wouldn't be able to go out to buy expensive cars for the sake of looking good, But at the same time we have money. I have a college fund along with Emmet. All that matters to us is as long as we have a roof over our heads and food on the table were happy, we are a close family and that's what counts.

Charlie was there when I was seven and I fell off my push bike and broke my leg he took me to the hospital and held my hand until the doctor was done plastering it.

He was there when I was nine when I got the flu and had to be admitted to hospital and put on a drip because I was suavely dehydrated.

When I was twelve Charlie, Renee, Emmet and I went to a Ranch in Montana for a two week, one week into the holiday I was ridding out with Emmet and Charlie, Renee had decided to stay behind she was still saddle saw. We were ridding for about an hour when my horse got out of control and started to rear up, the ranger tried to get hold of the rains but the horse was having none of it, if it wasn't for Charlie I probably would have been crushed to death. He came over and pulled me of my horse just in time, it took the ranger two days to track down that horse.

All through my life these things seem to happen to me, but Charlie as far back as I remember has always been there for me he never let me down and for that I am proud to call him my father.

Renee died three years ago, it was one of the hardest times of my life, my greatest fear was Charlie leaving when it all became to much for him, but he stayed Renee was such a strong character in our life's, her caring kind nature her willingness to help others in need, but in the end it wasn't enough to save herself.

I have lost so many people throughout my life that I find it very difficult to get to close to some one I have already lost two mothers. I lost my best friend Mazy two years ago she was rock climbing in Alaska she fell, the rope that was holding her wasn't attached properly and she fell to her death, I miss her very much we were very close we kept in contact when I moved to forks, and she visited often, I could share anything with her she was like a big sister to me. So you can see why I tend to keep people at a distance yes I have friends but I tend not to get to close to them.

I always thought Renee of my mother as I barley remember Helena. I remember her voice, and I remember her smell, she smelt like lily's, I am not sure why I remember those specific things but when I go into a flower shop lilies are always the pull I have towards her.

I don't blame Helena for what happened to me, it wasn't her fault she couldn't of know that by getting into that car that day would have led up to the events of what my life is today. I believe we as a person make life what it is, yes events chose outcomes of situations but we always have the power to stop what we don't want if were strong enough.

Carlisle just wasn't strong enough he couldn't carry on with what life had dealt him, so he chose the easy route out.

But life has carried on just like it always does no matter how you chose to live it life always goes on.

"Hey Bells how my little sis doing" I turned to see Emmet holding a big brown bear.

"I'm good thanks Em what's that" I pointed.

"I brought it for you the lady at the shop said it was the softest one she had, do you like him" I smiled only Emmet.

"He's great Em thanks I love him, let me feel him" He smiled handing me the Bear, he was really soft there was a red ribbon around his neck tired into a small bow, he was quite big but I loved him.

"What you going to call him" Emmet asked I shrugged.

"I have to think about it" I said he nodded smiling.

"So anything happening at school" I asked as he took the chair next to my bed, I was propped up into a sitting position I had one of those beds that can move up and down by a remote control.

"Not much Kate and Angela wanted to come see you but I told them to wait a few days" I nodded, I wanted to see my friends but I knew at the moment wouldn't be the best idea, I haven't seen myself in a mirror yet but the nurses said I had some cuts on my face that would heal in time and hopefully no scaring. I put the bear on the side of the bed and cuddled up him.

"You all ready for your date tonight" I asked

"Yes I'm picking Rose up at seven were just going for a bite to eat"

"Is she alright, I mean with the whole situation" I asked, he shrugged.

"She wasn't very happy that Carlisle kept you a secret from them, they all feel a betrayed but none of them are holding it against you, she said they wanted to let you know there not angry at you, Bells this isn't your fault its his."

"Emmet its no ones fault, it is something that happened a long time ago, it's in the past something that can't be changed"

"Do you wish it could be different" he asked nervously.

"What you mean do I wish it never happened he never left" I asked. Emmet nodded. I thought about it.

"Yes and no, if he hadn't left I wouldn't have known you, Dad or mum, but sometimes I wonder how my life would be if he had stayed but he didn't and I would never change coming into your lives, I love you, you are my family Emmet you and dad nothing will ever change that." I said firmly he smiled and hugged me.

"I'm sorry I just been really scared" I frowned puling back looking into his tear stained eyes.

"What are you scared off?" I asked gently.

"That you will leave us both" I closed my eyes briefly, I felt angry and slightly hurt.

"How can you think that, after everything we have been through together how can you think I would leave you and Dad just because Carlisle comes along doesn't mean I'm going too up and leave, Emmet I don't even see him as a father, how could I, I barley no him" I said.

"I know Bella I'm sorry everything is just so confusing at the moment" he said holding out his arms for a hug I gently leaning into him my ribs were still very sore.

"Tell me about it" I said sarcastically

"I love you bells" he said.

"I love you to Emmet always and just so you know your stuck with me" He laughed hugging me tighter into his chest

"Good to hear it"

We sat like that for a little bit, Emmet told me about school apparently there were quite a few roomers going around about what had happened to me, Emmet ended announcing in the cafeteria about the accident to my utter embarrassment.

There was a gentle knock on the door.

"Come in" I called Emmet had returned to his seat near my bed I looked towards the door Charlie was standing with a bunch of flowers and a bag filled with presents.

"Hey kido how you doing" I smiled holding out my arms, Charlie smiled and came over to hug me.

"That bad huh" He Chuckled, I shook my head

"Just missed you and Emmet" Charlie looked relived at my answered I frowned. I guess I have to drone it into him as well.

"Dad I want to talk to you" He immediately looked worried.

"Oh for goodness sake" I said exasperated.

"I'm going to tell you what I told Emmet, I love you both and I'm not going any were it will take a lot more then Carlisle turning up to get rid of me, so your stuck with me."

Dad looked at Emmet then back to me and he looked like a wait had been lifted of his shoulders, he leaned down and kissed my temple.

"I love you too Bells" He said. I was eying the bag in his hand.

"What's that you got dad" He smiled

"Some of the guys down at the station wanted to give you some things make you feel better" He said pulling out some cards and lots and lots of chocolate I don't think my smile could have gotten any bigger. Emmet and Charlie both laughed at my expression.

"Well tell them thanks" I said opening the many cards, I knew most of Charles colleges, their really great guys, I often go there at the weekend or when Charles working late.

"How's Debbie doing" I asked Debbie is Steve's wife one of Charles closest colleges his wife Debbie is pregnant and is due in a few weeks with twins.

"She doing well Steve going to be taking some time off soon for the birth soon" I nodded.

"I hear Carlisle going to be back tonight"

"Yeah that's what I heard he has something to tell me I can't think what it could be though" I said, Charlie looked confused.

"Well what ever it is don't let it upset you to much, do you want me to be here" He asked. I shook my head,

Charlie and Carlisle talked briefly after the accident, but I get the impression Charlie is giving Carlisle the cold shoulder, he has not been to keen on me talking alone with Carlisle since.

"Are you sure I really don't mind staying" He pressed

"No its fine dad I really think I need to just talk to him get some answers" I said.

"Okay well if you feel it's to much just call me okay I will be here straight away so will Emmet" I smiled at both of them Emmet was nodding his head looking like one of those nodding dogs you put in the back of your car he was letting me no he means business, I stifled a giggle.

Charlie decided it was time to head home, I would see them again in the morning. The nurse came in not so long after they left.

"Hello Dear how you feeling" She said coming at me with some medication.

"I'm good I don't think I need any pain meds at the moment, Dr Cullen is coming to speak to me later tonight I don't want to be asleep when he is here" I told her.

"Ok but if you are in pain Dear I am sure Dr Cullen will wait until tomorrow" She urged

"No I'm fine thank you" She nodded and left, the pain in my ribs was slowly dulling to an ace, but my leg was another story, it feels like someone is constantly slicing it with a knife, my left hand had a cast on which stopped me from using it, It was okay until I wanted to turn a page in my book, or type on my laptop.

The cuts were slowly healing but the ones on my back from the windshield were still pretty deep, the bandages were changed every other day, I had been in here now for four days and I was becoming brain dead along with all my other injuries. I'm just hoping Carlisle will let me out by the beginning of next week. I don't think I can suffer any more.

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	15. Chapter 13

Finding Myself - Chapter 13

I must have fallen asleep because I found myself opening my eyes looking out my small window the blind was pulled down half way and the night sky was pitch black. I looked around my room, Carlisle was sitting on a chair by the end of my bed with a book in his hands it looked to be a medical book, he had a deep frown on his face looking rather confused he hadn't notice I was awake. My heart monitor sped up slightly alerting Carlisle that I was awake he smiled softly looking at me from his book.

"Sorry I must have fallen asleep" I mumbled out. He chuckled.

"It's okay I haven't been hear that long I didn't want to wake you the nurse said you have had a busy day" He said.

"Well if you can call a busy day laying in bed and having chocolates bought to you then I suppose I have" He chuckled he sounded so much like Edward when he did that.

"So how are you feeling" he asked getting up and taking the seat nearer to my bed he looked at the monitors beside my bed and back to me.

"Alright my leg hurts a lot but my ribs are feeling better, I just can't wait until I can get out of here hospitals are not really my favourite places" he smiled but looked concerned.

"Well I'm going to start taking you of the morphine and as you haven't had any today, it's a good place to start but as your still in a lot of pain I will be putting you on a milder pain medication" He said, I gave him a small nod to let him no I was listening.

"You may become a little sick as I said before but hopefully the side affects shouldn't be too bad, if the pain becomes manageable you should be realised just over a week it depends how you progress."

I groaned great he really meant to say I will be here for two more weeks, that was being negotiated.

"You still haven't been eating much and I think that has something to do with the morphine, sometimes people who are on morphine loose there appetite." I nodded.  
Most of the Foods I have had tasted horrible especially cooked food. I just put it down to the reputation of hospital food.

"I feel sick with cook food, the chocolates, Esme brought me I was able to eat but I felt a bit nauseas after I've decided to save them for when I can taste them better." I said he smiled.

"Esme came to see you today" It wasn't a question. I nodded.

"About lunch time Edward too" I said with a small smile.

"Who's the bear from" he asked pointing at the large brown bear by my bed, I smiled

"Emmet him and dad came earlier tonight"

"What did you think of Esme" I furrowed my brow at his question. He simply smiled.

"Errr she's nice, very caring it was nice of her to visit" I said wondering were this conversation was going.

Carlisle shifted in his seat looking like he was searching for the right words.

"Esme care's greatly for you Bella, I told her a lot about you over the years she feels like she knows you well, like a daughter" I stiffened at the word daughter.

No No there is no way I'm letting another mother figure into my life I have already lost two I'm not about to bring in another.

"I'm happy you found someone as kind and as caring as Esme truly I am she seems like a lovely person but Carlisle I have already lost two mothers in my life, I can't let myself get close to another, I'm sorry" I said he looked deep in thought.

"I understand you lost Renee three years ago, Charlie told me how hard it was for you, I am sorry you had to go through that it must have been very hard loosing her Charlie said she was a great person." He said softly looking into my eyes.

"She was everyone loved her, she did a lot for the community so when she died it hit everyone hard, she was a great mother, I wish I could have done more to help her you don't realise how much someone means to you until something happens to them."

I don't blame myself for Renee death how could I, no one can stop someone from dying of cancer, she received all the treatment the doctors could give her, but in the end the battle was lost, but I do feel guilty, I was so worried about Charlie leaving us after Renee died, that I was almost angry at her for leaving at putting me in that position.

"Bella it wasn't your fault there was nothing you could have done for her, People die things happen." I could feel my eyes getting hot, I tried to stop the tears from coming.

"I know there wasn't anything I could have done we were all there towards the end, everyday I could see how the cancer was eating away at her slowly killing her, all I wanted to do is take the pain away." Tears started to fall down my face, I reached up wiping them away angrily with my fists, I didn't want to appear weak in front of him.

"Everyone I get close to leaves in the end, the only people who have stayed constant in my life are Dad and Emmet." He looked pained at my words I added. "I lost my best friend two years ago, she died while rock climbing, she was like a sister to me I knew her my whole life we shared everything together, so don't you see don't you understand it's hard for me to get close to people it's easier to keep people at a distance."

"I do understand Bella but some times you have to let go there are something's in life we can not control and death is one of them" I nodded. I knew all this I just didn't like it and I wasn't ready to have another mother.

"I know your right, but I can't help the way I feel, Renee she was the closet thing I had to a mother, I only lost her under three years ago, the subject is still raw for all three of us, to allow another mother figure into my life right now would feel like an insult to Renee's life, its just to soon."

"Bella I'm not asking you to start calling Esme mum, Esme and I just want you to know that we are both here if you want someone to talk to, Esme would never try to replace Renee, she just wants to be apart of your life as do I."

I nodded not trusting my voice, reaching over to my side board I pulled a packet of tissues out the draw.

Carlisle was looking down at his lap looking deep in thought I remember him telling me there was something he wanted to tell me.

"Did you have a good trip were the people alright in that accident" I asked, he looked up and smiled gently.

"Yes everyone survived there was a older man that required surgery but it was not difficult"

"Well that's good the accident was all over the local news" I said he nodded.

I looked over at the clock it was nine I was starting to get tired I knew a nurse would be in soon to check on me. Carlisle had been silent for a while I was fidiling with the sides of the bed sheets, the silence was not a comfortable one.

"Bella" Carlisle said suddenly slightly loud my head snapped up looking at him, was I falling asleep or something.

"Bella there something I need to tell you about Helena"

"Okay what is it" I asked Carlisle took a deep breath.

"When your mother died, she was pregnant, she was five weeks pregnant Bella" He said looking into my shock eyes.

I sat there for a few minutes taking in this new information, I had a brother or a sister, I didn't just lose mum that day I also lost a sibling. I looked at Carlisle.

"Oh my god I had a brother or a sister on the way" I whispered, he just nodded.

"I don't what to say" I said what do you say to something like that.

"Did you know if it was a boy or a girl" I asked, did I have a sister or a brother.

"No we didn't get a chance to find out, I'm sorry I never told you we were both planning to tell you on your birthday" He said nervously.

"I'm sorry that must have been hard for you, I mean I understand why you never told me I was young, you were grieving the loss of two people, I was grieving the loss of one" He shook his head.

"That doesn't mean that your pain was any less then mine Bella, the baby was very early hardly developed, but you were just a child who needed love and her father there is no excuse for me leaving you."

"Why did you and Esme adopt and not have your own children" I asked. He looked taken aback by the sudden change in conversation.

"Esme can't have children we tried but nothing ever happened, so we went for adoption" he said.

"Oh I'm sorry that must have been very hard for her, she seems the very mothering type of person" he smiled at that.

"She is Esme loves children of all ages, we fosted for a little while but it was to upsetting when the children went back to there parents so we tried for Adoption, Edward was first we adopted him when he was seven then Rosalie she a year older.  
Alice and Jasper we adopted together from a centre in Utah, we weren't going to adopt anymore after Edward and Rose but I got a phone call one day asking to come down to meet them, we ended up bringing both of them home with us, after that we decided the house wasn't big enough so we moved to Alaska for a fresh start."

"When did you marry Esme?"

"We married in Colorado it was a winter wedding, I was twenty eight when we married two years after I left, our honeymoon was in the Bahamas it was beautiful" I smiled sadly.

"What about you tell me about yourself" he asked I frowned,

"What do you want to know" I asked.

"Tell me how you met the Renee and Charlie" I smiled

"Well I was at the center for a year before Renee saw me"

"A year" he said his voice paned. I nodded

"Yes I was there for a year" He put his head in his hands.

"Bella I'm so sorry I never thought, I never knew I'm so sorry" he cried

"It's in the past what's done is done"

That was the truth it was in the past something we have no control over, we can only control what happens next.

"Renee found me one afternoon, one of the helpers took us to the park across the street, Renee was on her way home from work when she noticed me crying."

"Why were you crying" he asked curiously.

"Because it was one year to the day from when you left and I realized you weren't coming back. Renee asked to talk to the adoption center manager and from there I was introduced to Charlie and Emmet a few days later, they took me home and I have lived with them ever since." He looked close to tears.

"We moved away from there and lived in Phoenix for most of my life before moving down to Forks three years ago, we couldn't stay in phoenix after what happened to Renee the memories in the house were too much, dad was offered a Job here so he took it we have been here ever since." I finished.

"What are your hobbies, what do you like doing" he asked.

"I like reading classic, I like righting and playing the piano, and I love my bike but that's totally wrecked so I am going to have to get enough one" I said not noticing the disproving look he was giving me.

"You can't honestly be thinking of getting another bike Bella, I agree with Edward those things are dangerous, you have already had an accident on one surly you don't want to get on another." I looked at him as much to say are you quite finished. He huffed

"For the record, I was run down by someone going through a red light and I have never had an accident on it until now which wasn't my fault" I said keeping my voice calm.

"Your just as stubborn as your mother she would never budge on anything" He said I smiled at that.

"Do you miss mum" I don't know why I asked him.

"I miss your mother very much there isn't a day that goes by were I don't think off her"

"Does it bother you that I remind you of her"

"It did when she first past away, but not so much now, its nice to see her in you, a little part of her still exists in this world, it doesn't upset me like it used too."

Do you have any pictures of her I would love to know what she looked like" He smiled sadly

I do I will bring one in tomorrow if you like" I nodded

"I better let you get your rest or the nurse will have me kicked out" he chuckled, he started getting up.

"One more thing, how did you recognize me after all these years." He smiled

"I looked you up a few years ago, I found a picture of you on the internet, your first name was on there and date of birth but no contact details, it was one of those contact friends websites. How did you no it was me"

"Oh that's easy when I packed my bag that morning I took a picture of you, it's in my bedroom, you look younger but still the same" I said. He nodded.

I will see you tomorrow morning Bella get some rest" He said placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder before leaving the room, I settled back into my bed thinking over the conversation.


	16. Chapter 14

Finding Myself - Chapter 14

"Hey Bella can we come in" I looked towards the door to see Alice standing holding a bunch of flowers behind her Jasper and Rosalie, were looking at me.

"Hi guys sure come in" I replied, they smiled and walked in Alice skipped towards my bed and gave me a small hesitant hug, Rosalie behind looking a little nervous.

"It's fine" I smiled at her she came over and hugged me kissing my head tenderly.

"How you feeling Bella" Jasper said, coming over putting a comforting hand on my shoulder, I smiled toward him.

"I'm good can't wait to bust out of this place though" I said making him chuckle.

"Well we thought once your better we can all go shopping have a girls day out" Alice chipped in happily.

"That sounds good, I do need some more clothes and I think I will have to need some tracksuits for a while because of my leg" I said signing. Sounding week.

The morphine had been slowly leaving my body over the night and I was starting to feel the effects, the pain in my leg was feeling like hell and my ribs are not feeling much better, I hadn't realised just how much the morphine was helping with the pain.  
My head had started pounding during the night keeping me awake, and I was feeling very sick, I asked the nurse for a sick bowl during the night as I was sure I was going to be sick soon, the feeling was slowly getting worse but Carlisle had explained that it was normal to feel sick after coming of the medicine, I think if I had known it was going to be this bad I wouldn't have wanted the medication in the first place.

"You don't look to good Bella do you want us to get a nurse" Jasper asked looking worried.

"No it's alright thanks Jasper, Carlisle has taking me off some medicine and its having some side effects but he said it's normal" I explained he nodded still looking concerned.

"Do you want some water" Rosalie asked.

"No I'm okay thanks" Truth told I haven't taken any water since yesterday night I don't think my stomach could take anything. The nurses tried to make me eat something for breakfast but told them I wasn't hungry.

"Have you see Emmet and my dad" I asked.

There coming in later to see you, your dad was called into the station and Emmet has football practice with Edward" Rosalie said

"Don't you play Jasper" I asked

"No I sometimes join in for practise but I'm not really into it" He said shrugging.

"What do you like doing" I prodded.

"Well I enjoy reading and I like studying medicine" he said proudly, Alice smiled at him.

"So you want to be a doctor after school" I asked he nodded.

"Or a history teacher, I haven't really decided but I'm swaying towards medicine, seeing Carlisle save lives it seems really rewarding, its going to take longer getting through med school and everything, but I have a good teacher." He said.

I was surprised Jasper wanted to go into medicine he is such a quite individual, I suppose living with a doctor most of your life, has enough influence on you to follow the same career. I never though of becoming a doctor, to be quite frank I would be terrible at it, my fear of blood would be a major factor. I cant look at blood without passing out, and injection scare me to know end so I ruled out a career in medicine along time ago, also the work it takes to get through medical school, the dedication would just not be for me, no I have always had a interest in righting and would love to become an English teacher, English literature teacher or university professor.

"Well I am sure you will be great at both of them what ever you decide, I have always wanted to be a English teacher, I love the classic books and righting." I said.

"Really, for me I find it fascinating learning about our history especially the wars" he said exited, I had a feeling I was going to get a run down on all the major wars.

"Well we will leave that for another day jazz we don't want to put Bella into a coma" Rosalie said smiling at me. Alice giggled and I tried to hold back my laughter to no success. Jasper rolled his eyes smiling.

"Is there room for one more" I heard a voice say looking up I saw Carlisle entering the room. He smiled. Looking at me.  
How you doing Bella nurse Hail said you didn't eat breakfast" I signed, shaking my head. Everyone was looking at me.

"I wasn't hungry" I said simply. Blushing at the worried glances.

"Okay well I'm going to finish my morning rounds, I will be back in a bit, what are you kids doing today" He asked

"Rosalie and I, are going shopping, we are buying Bella some soft cloths she can ware with her cast." She smiled happily.

"What no Alice I don't want you shopping for me I can get them when I get out of here." I said.

"Hush Bella its fine, I love shopping for people especially for family." She stated, I felt my mouth drop.

She already thought of me as family, she hardly knows me yet she called me family, I looked up to see Carlisle beaming at his daughter, he turned to look at me smiling when he noticed me staring at him.

"Well have a nice day girls, and I will be back later to check on you, Bella rest." He said I nodded and he left.

"Alice take some money out my bag" I said pointing to my handbag on the side of the chair, I hated people buying me things.

"No Bella, there is no need, I have plenty of money and I want to treat my new sister" She smiled, I turned and noticed Jasper and Rosalie smiling as well. I signed, looking at Alice. She smiled softly.

"Its fine Bella don't worry" she said looking like a kid in a candy store, she was very confusing.

"Don't worry Bella she loves shopping for others more then for herself" Rosalie said. I nodded, strange but I liked her she the bubble sister I never had.

Rosalie and Alice started discussing designer cloths with me, but I didn't have a clue so about five minutes in, I could feel my brain shutting off. Fashion has never been my thing, I tend to just go into a shop if I like something I buy it, I don't check to see what designer it came from, according to Alice the design is important. Jasper looked just as flusted as I did, which made me giggle, he looked at me and smiled.

I liked Jasper he seems a very kind caring person, it makes me sad to think these people could have been my siblings. I never got a chance to know them they would have become a very important part of my life, just like Emmet has. But at the same time I would have never known Emmet as my big brother or Charlie as my father and I can't stand that thought.

I was starting to feel worse as Alice and Rosalie continued chatting about clothes, I don't think It was from the boredom of the speech Alice was making, I laid my head further into the pillows trying to get comfortable, my head was pounding pain shooting through my forehead, dizziness started creeping up on me, the room started getting fuzzy and the voices started to sound further away, a soft whimper escaped my lips alerting Jasper, he got up leaning over me looking alarmed.

"Bella are you okay can you hear me honey" He sounded nerves. I tried to focus on him but he seemed to get further away from me. I faintly heard my heart monitor speed up. I saw Jasper reaching over my bed for the call button looking scared.

"Hold on Bella, helps coming stay with us" Jasper said, stoking my hair.

"HELP SOMEONE HELP" Rosalie shouted out the door. Alice stood by Jasper scared tears running down her face.

"I feel sick" I managed to get out. My heart monitor got louder as a two nurses came rushing in along with a doctor I didn't recognize.

"What happened" the doctor asked as he came over to me, checking the monitors.

"We were talking and the monitor just went off" Jasper said moving away from my bed to let the doctor in.

"Isabella can you hear me, can you open your eyes for me" he asked, I hadn't even realised my eyes had shut. They felt week, the pain in my head was getting unbearable now. I just wanted the pain to stop. I groaned at his question, I felt all my energy leave me, the monitors started to beep faster. I could faintly hear the doctor giving out orders to the nurses, something pressing on my chest.

"And someone page Dr Cullen now"

"Isabella you need to stay with us" I heard the doctor say before I felt a funny tingling sensation come over my entire body and I started to feel very cold this made me panic people always say they feel cold just before they die, the feeling was nothing I had ever felt before the voices in the room were no more then a low hum, I vaguely saw Carlisle face come into view before everything went black.

**Ok I know it short but I wrote this one tonight, I knew I have left it to long and I'm sorry for that, I will get the next one out soon I know you are all wondering what is happening to Bella, and why she has become ill. You could hazard a guess, it's to do with the medication. Thank you please review**


	17. Chapter 15

Previously on Finding myself

"_What happened" the doctor asked as he came over to me, checking the monitors._

"_We were talking and the monitor just went off" Jasper said moving away from my bed to let the doctor in._

"_Isabella can you hear me, can you open your eyes for me" he asked, I hadn't even realised my eyes had shut. They felt week, the pain in my head was getting unbearable now. I just wanted the pain to stop. I groaned at his question, I felt all my energy leave me, the monitors started to beep faster. I could faintly hear the doctor giving out orders to the nurses, something pressing on my chest._

"_And someone page Dr Cullen now" _

"_Isabella you need to stay with us" I heard the doctor say before I felt a funny tingling sensation come over my entire body and I started to feel very cold this made me panic people always say they feel cold just before they die, the feeling was nothing I had ever felt before the voices in the room were no more then a low hum, I vaguely saw Carlisle face come into view before everything went black._

* * *

Now finding myself- Chapter 15

I vaguely saw a light shining into my eyes, I could hear panicky voices rushing around, it was a strange feeling like someone was forcing me to move, at the same time I felt my energy falling away, I was drained, strong arms holding me down while a chilly tingly feeling ran throughout my body causing me to fill panicked. Is this what it like to die? I heard someone calling my name before I gave into myself, allowing my mind to retreat into the blackness once again.

I could hear a beeping noise I concentrated trying to will it to bring me back, but it kept fading away. More prodding, noises, beeping. What's happening? When will I see again?

The beeping noise which I now recognized as my heart monitor was keeping a steady even pace I listen for a few minutes allowing the sound to bring me comfort, I'm not dead, I am not sure what has happened, I know I was in a hospital before and why, but why was I feeling so tired I laid there listening to the sounds in my room, apart from the heart monitor everything was blissfully quite, gently I opened my eyes squinting at the bright light coming into my room.

I looked over to see Carlisle standing talking to another doctor by the window with a chart in his hands flipping through the pages while talking to the man I couldn't make out what they were saying, there voices sounded muffled to my ears.

The door opened and a small dumpy nurse walked in, she had introduced herself to me couple of days ago as Sarah, she had transferred here from Alaska with her family, she told me how she knew Carlisle before as he also had worked in Alaska before coming here, she was nice I found her life interesting she had two sons who were now attending Forks and her husband worked away from home on the oil rigs she told me he would come back a couple moths a year to see them, she found it hard not being able to see her husband as often as she liked but understood how much his job meant to him.

She walked up to the side of my bed ignoring the two doctors in the corner who still had not realised I was awake she smiled softly at me.

"Nice to see you awake, how are you feeling sweetheart" she asked kindly Checking my IV I groaned seeing it stuck back into my arm, I though I had seen the last of it.

Suddenly Carlisle was standing over me looking relived to see me awake, the other doctor he was talking too standing closely behind him with a gentle smile plastering his long face, I looked at him closely his dark brown curly hair shone under the bright light illuminating the room, his tall muscular figure looming behind Carlisle waiting for instructions. Young was all that kept coming into my mind, he looked to be in his earlier twenties surly he can't be a doctor doesn't it take six years or something to become a doctor these days.

"Bella how you feeling" Carlisle asked, I wish people would stop asking me that, it was starting to grate on my last nerves I'm in a hospital how did they think I felt, okay I was beginning to get grumpy, I realised what ever has happened was surly going to keep me in this god forsaken place longer, and that just wasn't helping my growing mood I felt frustrated by my lack of healing.

"What….What happened?" I crooked out, my voice sounded lifeless dead to those around, I wouldn't be surprised if they hadn't understood me or ran away from the lifeless corpse.

"You had a seizure you have been in and out of it all day, it was a bad reaction due to coming of the Morphine, it's a common withdrawal system to someone coming of drugs after rehabilitation, but as your not a drug addict your reaction was uncommon but not unheard off. We gave you some different drugs to reverse the process so you shouldn't have another seizure, we are slowly taking you of the morphine and you should be completely off it by tomorrow it will take a little while to leave your system completely, you have an IV back in I'm afraid your fluids were low but will take it out tomorrow if there back to normal."

I looked into his eyes trying to process everything he just said but as usual it just went over my head. I just wanted to curl into a whole somewhere and sleep for a year I was so exhausted how can I be so tired all I have done was lay here.

"Are you in any pain" oh thank god I think if he had asked "How are you feeling" I would have strangled him.

"Just a funny tingle feeling and everything feels heavy and I feel really tired" I said closing my eyes stating my point.

"That's completely normally to feel tired after a seizure and the tingling feeling is it in you arms and legs" I nodded and noticing the voice didn't belong to Carlisle, I opened my eyes to look at an unfamiliar face.

"Bella this is Dr Carter he's an intern here he just started today, you gave him quite the scare for his first day but he handled the situation very well" Carlisle said smiling.

"Hello Bella it's nice to meet you" I could have sworn he blushed.

"Hi nice to meet you too, sorry I scared you" I said quietly. He chuckled.

"Don't worry I have to get used to dealing with emergencies, you just happened to be my first."

"So how are you enjoying it so far" I asked referring to his first day.

"It's much better now" he answered in a voice which was supposed to be seductive but it came out kind of purvey, making me shiver but not in pleasure, his face broke into a cheesy grin that just about had me jumping out my skin.

I was glad Carlisle was in the room because I probably would have freaked out and called the emergency button. I suspected he didn't know Carlisle was my father. I peeked a look at Carlisle to see him glaring daggers at the new intern, I cringed internally knowing the new intern wasn't going to last long, I felt a pang of guilt knowing if it was any other doctor besides Carlisle in the room, they wouldn't have noticed.

"Dr Carter there a patient in Bed seven she needs her catheter changed would you go see to it" Carlisle almost spat at him.  
Dr Carter didn't seem to notice the change in the atmosphere but he was taken aback by Carlisle harsh tone.

"Y….Yes of course Dr Cullen it was nice meeting you Bella" he said Carlisle moved towards him laterally pushing him out the room.

Carlisle took a few deep breaths steadying him self before walking back to my bed.

"Bella I'm sorry about that, that was completely inappropriate behaviour, and it wont go unpunished I can reassure you I will report his behaviour and keep a close eye on him, and he won't be coming in here again."

"Its fine Carlisle, don't be to hard on him you know what guys are like his age, they can't help themselves, he did give me the creeps though I would appreciate him not coming back In here, about that Carlisle how much longer am I going to be in here its been over a week now and I'm just about ready to tare my hair out, please Carlisle cant I go home soon."

"Bella today was a bit of a set back I'm afraid it's going to be a bit longer, I want to keep you monitored for the time being, It will probably be another week before I can discharge you."

"A week another week no I can't stay here for another week please Carlisle, you said yourself I will be off the morphine in a few days surly then I can go home then." I pleaded with him using my pleading puppy eyes it always works on Charlie.

"Bella you just had a seizure that is cause in it self to keep you under observation longer." But I could see his resolve slipping.

"Please Carlisle don't make me stay in here any longer please" ok full force of the eyes now, now I got him.

"Mmmm… maybe…….." he trailed off.

"Maybe what Carlisle, please I will do anything to not have to spend another minute in this place." I almost shouted.

"Well I just thought……..That maybe………..I mean you don't have to it just" He stuttered over his words

"What you thought what" I pushed, he signed defeated, taking a breath.

"How……..How would you feel about coming to stay with Esme and I for a little while until your better at least then you will have someone at home with you, Charlie works and Emmet's at school all day you can't be at home on your own with a broken leg and broken ribs it wouldn't be safe I would never forgive myself if something happened, I can take a few days off work to keep an eye you I'm due some sick leave anyway, you really should be in here for at least another week but maybe I can pull some string and have you out in a few days under the assumption I would taking care of you. You don't have to Bella it's just something I considered I know how much you have hated being in here. Just think about it, it's another option."

I was a little shocked, I wasn't expecting this, okay, I was very shocked and confused why would he want this.

"I…well…..I, Thank you for the offer, but, I'm not sure I mean I don't want to be any trouble and I'm sure Esme doesn't want some cripple hanging around the house and I'm not sure what Dad would say, I don't know, I don't think he would, I mean have you asked him" I was rambling and I knew it I always get like this when I am put on the spot god why cant I just say  
"Thank you Carlisle I will think about it and let you know" no not me.

"Bella calm down honey for one Esme would love to have you around and you certainly wouldn't be a burden Esme loves to take care of people. Secondly I will talk to Charlie if you descried you wanted to stay with us, I'm sure he will understand he has already asked me how long your leg will take to heel, and he asked if you will need help with showering and bathing I told him you would for a while with your leg, you will still have the cast around your ribs for a while as well but the hospital provides a special plastic case to fit around your cast while showering," he said.

Go figures Charlie is worried about having to help his teenage daughter in and out of the shower, I'm a bit mortified at that thought myself I love Charlie very much but I don't think I want him or Emmet to see me naked, that would just be wrong maybe staying with the Cullens for a little while isn't such a bad idea after all, especially with girls being there to help me, but I don't want to be a burden to them either.

And then there is Charlie and Emmet to think about how would they take to me suddenly moving into the Cullen's, however temporally it would be I know they wouldn't like it, though it would be a weight lifted of them I know they have concerns about the whole woman thing. I need to talk to Charlie first.

"Well Dad and Emmet are coming later so I will talk to them then see what they think" I said, Carlisle smiled.

"Okay well if Charlie agrees I should be able to discharge you in a couple of days" He said patting my shoulder.

I knew he wanted to use this chance as bonding time, and if I am being honest with myself I am also curious about his life outside the hospital. I would like to get to know Esme she seems a generously nice person. Emmet and I spent time with the other Cullen's but most of my time I spend with Edward so it would be nice to get to know them as well. Spending time at there house would also mean more time with Edward which I'm sure wont escape Charles notice.

* * *

A few hours later Charlie was sitting by my bed along with Emmet talking about there day, they had both come to see me earlier not long after my seizure Carlisle had called Charlie who had then picked up Emmet from school apparently I had been in and out of it all day, Edward also came with them but Carlisle had told him to go back to school a few hours later, as I wouldn't be awake for the rest of the day, so Edward had reluctantly left along with Emmet, Charlie had stayed a bit longer before getting a call from work Carlisle had promised he would call if anything happened, the station was less then five minute drive from here and with Charlie being a cop he could get here in under three minutes if he wanted so he wasn't too worried.

I had yet to bring up Carlisle offer and was having second thoughts about doing so, I had a bad feeling it wouldn't go down to well with both of them.

"Dad I need to ask you something" I said fiddling with the sheets.

"Well err see," _God Bella just say it_

"Carlisle asked me earlier if err, if I would like to stay with him for a few days while I get better, you see today I asked him how long I would have to stay here and he said another week and you know how I hate hospitals so Carlisle offered to take some time of work so he could look after me at his home, I still have to stay here for few days though." I said nervously I honestly didn't know how they would take this.

"I don't know Bells I mean if your not ready to be realised maybe you would be safer in the hospital, and it's a big responsibility for his wife and for Carlisle, with all those other teenagers to take care off, I think it would be a bit much to asked of them."

"Dad Carlisle offered I didn't ask I was just as surprised as you when he offered." I defended.

"I'm not saying you did baby, I just don't like the idea of putting that much strain on his family, besides I plan on taking some time of work to help you in the first few weeks,"

"Dad that's just it, the other think I mean I'm going to need help getting in and out the shower and changing and stuff." Charlie and I blushed at the same time, I looked toward Emmet he had been quit through out our conversation."

"Emmet what do you think" I asked he smiled.

"I don't know Bells I'm not to keen on you being out of the hospital earlier but I suppose if Carlisle is with you, that you will be okay, I think it might be a good idea, I mean your going to need help, I'm going to be at school and the whole bathroom thing will be difficult with two guys in the house" I nodded, Charlie huffed.

"Fine but there will be some rules, one being no sharing a room with a guy especially Edward." He stated slightly defeated.

"Dad I have a broken leg and broke ribs, along with a sprain hand and deep cuts on my back, I don't think I will be getting into anything raunchy" at the word raunchy Charlie turned about seven shades of red. Emmet laughed. Patting Charlie back.

"Don't worry Dad I will keep an eye on Edward for you no one touches that to my little sister" I rolled my eyes at him scrolling at him.

"Well I better go talk to Carlisle about this then, make sure it's still okay with him, see you in a little while kids" Charlie said getting up from the chair to search for Carlisle.

"Emmet you okay with this I mean it will only be for a week or so, you can come over see me I wouldn't be surprised if Esme offers for you to stay over as well" I said holding his hand.

"I'm fine with it Bells if it means its going to help you get better and you'll be more comfortable it's a good idea besides I was a bit worried about you being on your own when I am at school at least this way you'll have Esme with you all day, she's really nice Bells I know you haven't got to know her very well since the accident and of course I will be there I have been spending quite a bit of time over there anyway." He said. I nodded.

Ten minutes later Charlie walked in with a very happy looking Carlisle, he looked toward me nodded smiling at me, well I guess I will be spending the next week at the Cullen's house.

**I hope you liked it I decided it was best to get her out the hospital so she going to be getting some bonding time with Carlisle and his family Emmet and Charlie will be visiting often but it will give her some father daughter time. I will update as soon as I can I promise. Please let me know what you thought. Ideas for the story are always welcome**

**Thank you for all the great reviews so far**


	18. Chapter 16

Previously on Finding Myself

"_Emmet you okay with this I mean it will only be for a week or so, you can come over see me I wouldn't be surprised if Esme offers for you to stay over as well" I said holding his hand._

"_I'm fine with it Bells if it means its going to help you get better and you'll be more comfortable it's a good idea besides I was a bit worried about you being on your own when I am at school at least this way you'll have Esme with you all day, she's really nice Bells I know you haven't got to know her very well since the accident and of course I will be there I have been spending quite a bit of time over there anyway." He said. I nodded._

_Ten minutes later Charlie walked in with a very happy looking Carlisle, he looked toward me nodded smiling at me, well I guess I will be spending the next week at the Cullen's house._

Now on Finding Myself - Chapter 16

The two days following my release from the hospital had come and I was finally able to be discharged, Carlisle was due to come in after his shift to take me to his house. Emmet and Rosalie had gone home to pick up some of my cloths and a few nesserserys i would be needing they were going to drop them off later this morning, Dad was at work and said he would be coming over late to help settle me in at the Cullen's, Alice was shopping with Jasper she had insisted on buying me new pyjamas and god knows what else, she deemed I needed she was so excited that I was coming to stay, the little pixie was bursting at the seams I have never met anybody with so much energy, as soon as she heard what was happening she dragged poor Jasper out my hospital room shouting down the corridor to anyone who will listen, "We are going shopping, SHOPING"  
It was quite funny poor Jasper looked mortified at the thought of shopping, it made me wonder how many times the poor guy had been dragged into one of Alice's shopping expeditions.

And as for me well I feel exited about getting out of the hospital ever since I was a child I have had a fear of hospitals, give me a dentist any day over a doctor. I'm nerves about staying with Carlisle and his family, I keep thinking maybe it would have been better to just spend a few more days here and go back home to my own bed, to what I know, Charlie did say he would take a few weeks off work to help out maybe I should just tell Carlisle I changed my mind, I know he would be upset but he would understand.

I trust Carlisle he did save my life after all, but they are practically strangers I have only met his wife twice, what if Calisle is the one pushing this and Esme is just going along with it to placate him, She probably hates the idea of Carlisle having a child of his own especially as she can't, they always say the bond between a parent and their child is unbreakable, well I don't believe that, Carlisle managed to break ours pretty wide.

I am not entirely sure why I'm so scared of letting these people get close to me.  
What if they don't like me after getting to know them? It's a thought that keeps crossing my mind since carlisle offerd me to stay, seeing them at school is different to seeing them in their own home.

Alice seemed exited over the idea but I think most things make Alice happy, as for Jasper I realized he is happy with whatever makes Alice happy. Rosalie said she was looking forward to getting to know me better and I have a feeling she wants to ask about Emmet and what he was like when we were growing up, she knows Emmet and I have a strong bond together, she wants my acceptance as much as I want hers.  
Edward was beyond ecstatic, I think it was all his Christmas's come earlier when Carlisle told him I would be staying over, Carlisle soon told him some ground rules Charlie had put in place but it didn't dampen his spirits.  
It was just Esme I wasn't sure off Carlisle told me she was exited I was staying and they both agreed it would be good for all of us, but I haven't seen her since the last hospital visit so I only have Carlisle word.

I hadn't realized how late it had got, I pulled out my watch from my bedside draw looking closely at the small face, ten past five. Carlisle shift ends at six so I didn't have long to get changed. I sat myself up and pulled the comforter of myself I managed to swing my legs over the end of the bad. Over the last couple of days Tom my physiotherapist has been coming in to help me with my muscles, stretching my legs while I lay in bed, because of the set back with the seizure I haven't been able to go down to the hospital gym to practice walking with the crutches, Tim decided using the crutches wasn't going to be an option for a while as my left hand is still in a brace after I sprained it so the hospital has supplied me with a wheelchair which I hate, but need. Tom told me I would have to come back twice a week for physiotherapist as an out patient but not until my wrist has healed for the time being he has given me a list of exercises I can do on my own.

I was just about to call for the nurse to help me get changed when my door suddenly burst open, with a frantic looking Alice and a very amused and apologetic looking Jasper.

"Alice what the hell is wrong" I asked.

"Oh Bella we have to get you ready, dads going to finish soon and we have to pick an outfit for you to wear, It took me ages to find shoes that would go with your cast, do you realize how hard it is to match with that color" she shouted looking at my blue cast. "But don't worry I have the perfect outfit for you and shoes to match." She finished with a big relived smile. I just stared at her, like she was mad, maybe she is. She came over to my bed and pulled out a pair of soft grey sweats and a blue tank top.

"Alice its freezing outside I am not walking around in just a tank top" she rolled her eyes smiling.

"Silly Bella I have a jumper for you to put on here" she said, showing me a grey zip up jumper with black stripes, I was surprised it was my type of jumper, I took it with a smile on my face, it soon disappeared when she pulled out the shoes.

Alice I am not wearing those I have a broken leg I don't what another one" I said eying the white canvas shoes they looked very nice apart from the huge six inch heal attached to them.

"But Bella there the new fashion you have to wear them" she pouted I shook my head no.

"No Alice there very nice but I will stick with my trainers I can only put one shoe on anyway" I said she huffed but agreed.

I looked toward the door to see Jasper still standing awkwardly by the door a small smile coating his face he looked exhausted I presume they had just finish shopping and came straight hear poor guy.

"Hey Jasper did you have a nice day" I smirked. He smiled with a twinkle in his eye Alice was in the bathroom.

"Hey Bella it was….." he said searching for the right word. "Alice" he said as if that explains it. I laughed.

"Yeah I'm sure I will find out soon enough" I said. He laughed shaking his head. Alice appeared dejected.

"Oh come on Bella I'm not that bad, you'll see, we will have lots of fun, you need new clothes I can't wait to buy you a new wardrobe full"

"Alice I have plenty of clothes and if I didn't you wouldn't be paying for them" I said sternly. she huffed rolling her eyes.

"Whatever Bella, you just wait we will be going shopping soon enough" she said glaring at me with a small smirk on her face, she looked pure evil. I gulped. I heard chuckling behind me, I turned to see Jasper kneeled over trying to hold in his laugh, he looked at me with tears in his eyes I glared at him only making him laugh harder.

"Okay, Okay time to get you ready Bella, Japer help Bella to the bathroom, there a chair in their place her on it" She said happily what was I a piece of furniture place me on it. Jasper came over shaking his head at the evil pixie.

"May I" Jasper asked motioning his arms to pick me up. I shrugged and nodded. Jasper scooped me up bridal style as gently as he could but it still hurt he placed me as Alice puts it on the chair in the bathroom he gave me an apologetic smile as he left. What had I gotten myself in too.

Alice got me dressed I was surprised at how soft the fabric felt and the sweats were baggy enough to go over my cast. She looked a little shocked at the many bandages I had especially the large cast going around my chest which is currently supporting my broken and bruised ribs. She was extra carful putting on my top I hissed slightly with the feel of the top, the hospital gowns were hideous to look at but they barely touched my skin they were lose, they were designed for comfort and covenants.

I felt a tug on my hair as Alice had decided to place my hair into a high pony tail to keep it out of my face which I was grateful for.  
Carlisle said I have some nasty cuts on my face, I have yet to look in a mirror, there is a small one just above the sink in the bathroom. I know I should look but I'm scared of what I will look like, Carlisle said there is one going from my eyebrow to my cheek that needed stitching and may leave a small scar, he had offered me a mirror at the time but I shook my head saying I wasn't ready to look. He understood. But now Alice was doing my hair she was sure to ask what I thought of it which means looking into a mirror, I know it was silly to feel like this but I couldn't help it.

"There all done have a look" she said pointing to the mirror. I groaned internally.

"It's nice thanks Alice" I said briefly feeling my hair she looked confused.

"How do you know you never looked" she said, raising her eyebrows. I shrugged I don't want to look.

"I trust you Alice" I said begging her with my eyes to let it go, of course she didn't.

"Bella what's wrong why won't you look in the mirror" she asked confused her voice showing concern.

"Alice I haven't looked since the accident my face I don't want to……. I" I couldn't finish tears started running down my cheeks. I felt warm hands around my shoulder allowing me to sob into them.

"Bella it's not as bad as you think, you have a few small cuts and a bit of bruising, it's really not that bad and the bruising has gone down a lot and will soon disappear, and as for the cuts they will heel." She spoke softly soothing me me while all I could do was nod as my tears wouldn't relent, Alice just held me while I cried on her shoulder. After a little while Alice past me some tissues and gently wiped my face with a damp cloth. She handed me a mirror.

"Bella you have to look sometime, it's not as bad as you think just look" she encouraged, I nodded and brought the mirror towards my face, I closed my eyes taking a deep breath calming myself and preparing for the worst, I knew I had to look and Alice wasn't going to let me leave this bathroom without looking.

I opened my eyes to look at the damage, I was pleasantly surprised to see that Alice was right it didn't look as half as bad as I thought it would, it was still me looking in the mirror the same dark brown curly hair, brown eyes and my deep red lips my face looked paler then usual, which is quite a feat as I always look pale, I had some bruising on my cheek and some smaller cuts on my forehead, the worst was the cut going from my eyebrow to my cheek but the stitching that Carlisle did looked good, I wasn't sure if it would leave a scar Carlisle said it was quite deep. I hope not. I breathed a sign of relief.

"See I told you, you worry too much" she said smiling I smiled back, hugging her.

"JASPER" She shouted making me jump, a couple of seconds later Jasper appeared in the door smiling.

"How you doing are you ready Dad just came in he is grabbing you a wheelchair." He smiled I huffed, great more embarrassment.

"Great can you help her back to her bed Jazz" she said. Jasper once again lifted me to my bed, gently placing me down it was painful to be carried I tried not to wince when he lifted me but my ribs were protesting from being moved.

"Sorry are you okay" Jasper asked as he place me down looking a little scared

"Yeah it's not your fault it the dam ribs hurting" I said. He smiled sympathetically.

Carlisle walked in pushing a black wheelchair through the door smiling softly at me.

"Ready to go" he asked I nodded.

**I hope you liked it I really hope my reviews get to 200 if they do I will post a preview of my next chapter I really enjoyed righting this I hope you enjoyed reading it, please review let me know someone is reading this. Ideas are always welcome and I usually will add them and thank you for all those people who have taken the time to leave there comments.**


	19. Sneak Peak

Preview

I was currently seated on a very comfortable cream sofa, situated perfectly in the front room, large soft pleated cushions supporting my upper body while Carlisle had placed a cushion under my broken leg, I was told to keep it elevated as much as I can.

"Bella are you okay you look a little pale" Carlisle said coming into the room, my eyes fixed on my broken leg.

"I'm fine Carlisle just a little overwhelmed, this place is huge" I said staring around the room. Carlisle laughed nodding his head.

"It is something isn't it, Esme gets a little carried away when we buy a house every house we have has a different design"

"I think it's amazing I would never be able to come up with anything half as good as this, she has a real talent." I said truly amazed by the place, I had of course seen it when I first met Alice but I had never really taken notice of the detail involved.

"That she does" he said proudly. Then I thought over what he had said….

"What do you mean by every house we have has a different design" I asked curiously. Carlisle smiled softly sitting down beside my broken leg.

"Well we still own the house in Alaska we never sold it, we were going to but the place just holds to many memories for us, it's slightly smaller than this house it has a similar setting as this place being set in a wooded area as well. The design itself is very different Esme used very warm colors due to the cold in Alaska, each room has a fireplace giving it an almost cottage feel rather than the modern feel like this place. We also have a large six bed house in England, where we often go to on holidays, Esme and I once visited and fell in love with the country so we decided to buy a permanent property there."

I think my eyes were popping out at this point I knew they were well off, Carlisle being a doctor and from what I have seen of this house I could tell Esme must get well paid for her designing but never had I imagined they were this well off, It was making me feel quite sick knowing they have that amount of money.

Charlie, Emmet and I have never been badly off, I suppose you could say we are average, Charlie works hard at his job, but because it is such a small town he doesn't get as much as he would, if we lived say somewhere like Seattle, people presume being the Chief of police the paycheck must be big but that's not the case, we have never struggled but have also never indulged ourselves and we certainly don't own other houses.

I came out of my thought noticing Carlisle looking at me with slight worry etched on his face, I tried to smile but I think it came out as a grimace.

"Bella I'm sure you have realized by now that we are not strap for cash, with mine and Esme jobs it allows us to buy things, that normally people can't afford. So if there is anything you need just tell us" he said.

"Carlisle that's very nice off you both but I'm fine thank you" I said firmly. It didn't matter to me how rich they where I have been brought up to work for what I want there is nothing wrong with a good honest day's work. Part of me doesn't what Carlisle thinking he can buy my forgiveness from the years we have lost, I am happy to just spend time with him getting to know his family, not to be indulged in presents.

"Well my offers there if you need anything you know where I am" He stated just as firmly, and I knew from that moment I wouldn't ask anything from Carlisle.

**Thank you sooooo much for the reviews I loved every one of them, I got to 200 its great feeling thanks so much,**  
**The next chapter will be up soon I will just extend onto this one.**


	20. Chapter 17

Finding myself chapter 17

The ride home from the hospital was a quite one, but not an uncomfortable silence there just didn't seem to be a need to talk the actual ride to the house took just over half an hour. The turn off from the main road was hardly visible, if I was driving here on my own i would be sure to miss the turn off, I don't know how their delivery guys ever managed.

The car carried on deep into the lush woodland the Forrest trees getting thicker the further we ventured in, I found the setting peaceful I have always loved the countryside I'm at home with nature as you could say. Though for someone who did not know where we were heading, or who the Cullen's were they would probably feel they were one of those woodland murderers, there house was very secluded after all.

The car finally came to a stop in front of the large Cullen mansion, even though I have seen the mansion before I couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of it or the magnificent size after all it is the biggest house in forks and the biggest house I have ever seen.  
The gardens surrounded the house looked impeccable; each hedge looked perfectly trimmed, the lush green lawn freshly mowed.  
White and blue Petunia laid each side of the garden path, the place looked like a show home, I became more nerves the more details I took in.

Carlisle came around my side of the car, opening the passenger door he smiled and gestured for me to lift my arms so he could lift me out. I saw Edward taking out my wheelchair he smiled at me before heading into the house with the chair.

Carlisle gently lifted me into his arms, I was quite surprised he did not wait for Edward to carry me, I imagined I would be a bit heavy for him but he didn't seem to show any signs of discomfort, he slowly took me down the path lined with petunia trying not to jostle me to much but my ribs were already protesting from all the movement I had been subjected to today.

Esme met us at the door smiling fondly at me I smiled back, letting her know I was grateful for her allowing me to stay with them, she seem to understand as she put her small hands on my shoulder reassuringly. Carlisle kissed Esme quickly on the cheek while still holding me then made his way into the living room. I was still overwhelmed by the size of the house, everything had been designed to great detail and a high standard the place looked like a palace but not in an uncomfortable way it felt very homely and well lived in you could tell a large family lived here. Each room had its own personal touch which brought character to the house and made it a home, I liked it.

I was currently seated on a very comfortable cream sofa, situated perfectly in the front room, large soft pleated cushions supporting my upper body while Carlisle had placed a cushion under my broken leg, I was told to keep it elevated as much as I can.

"Bella are you okay you look a little pale" Carlisle said coming into the room, my eyes fixed on my broken leg.

"I'm fine Carlisle just a little overwhelmed, this place is huge" I said staring around the room. Carlisle laughed nodding his head.

"It is something isn't it, Esme gets a little carried away when we buy a house every house we have has a different design"

"I think it's amazing I would never be able to come up with anything half as good as this, she has a real talent." I said truly amazed by the place, I had of course seen it when I first met Alice but I had never really taken notice of the detail involved.

"That she does" he said proudly. Then I thought over what he had said….

"What do you mean by every house we have has a different design" I asked curiously. Carlisle smiled softly sitting down beside my broken leg.

"Well we still own the house in Alaska we never sold it, we were going to but the place just holds to many memories for us, it's slightly smaller than this house it has a similar setting as this place being set in a wooded area as well. The design itself is very different Esme used very warm colors due to the cold in Alaska, each room has a fireplace giving it an almost cottage feel rather than the modern feel like this place. We also have a large six bed house in England, where we often go to on holidays, Esme and I once visited and fell in love with the country so we decided to buy a permanent property there."

I think my eyes were popping out at this point I knew they were well off, Carlisle being a doctor and from what I have seen of this house I could tell Esme must get well paid for her designing but never had I imagined they were this well off, It was making me feel quite sick knowing they have that amount of money.

Charlie, Emmet and I have never been badly off, I suppose you could say we are average, Charlie works hard at his job, but because it is such a small town he doesn't get as much as he would, if we lived say somewhere like Seattle, people presume being the Chief of police the paycheck must be big but that's not the case, we have never struggled but have also never indulged ourselves and we certainly don't own other houses.

I came out of my thought noticing Carlisle looking at me with slight worry etched on his face, I tried to smile but I think it came out as a grimace.

"Bella I'm sure you have realized by now that we are not strap for cash, with mine and Esme jobs it allows us to buy things, that normally people can't afford. So if there is anything you need just tell us" he said.

"Carlisle that's very nice off you both but I'm fine thank you" I said firmly. It didn't matter to me how rich they where I have been brought up to work for what I want there is nothing wrong with a good honest day's work. Part of me doesn't what Carlisle thinking he can buy my forgiveness from the years we have lost, I am happy to just spend time with him getting to know his family, not to be indulged in presents.

"Well my offers there if you need anything you know where I am" He stated just as firmly, and I knew from that moment I wouldn't ask anything from Carlisle.

I hadn't realize I dosed off until I heard a familiar voice in the room, I felt really comfortable laying on this sofa, it's one of those couches that when you sit on it you sink into the material, I guess expensive things do have there advantages.

"What time is the game toning dad" Emmet's voice said softly.  
"It starts at eight I brought the pop corn and the beers" Charlie deeper voice echoed around the room.

I reluctantly opened my eyes, the room seemed darker than before, I looked out the double glassed doors which leads out into the Cullen's extended gardens, I noticed the sky was getting dark I loved this time of the day the sun made the sky look almost orange.  
A large lamp was situated to the left of me which was the only source of the low light illuminating the living room, I guess they didn't want to wake me up, I knew it wasn't to save the electric bill.

"Dad, Emmet" I said my voice thick with sleep.

"Hey baby how you feeling, you slept well." Charlie said sitting by my head, he lovingly stroked my hair soothing me, I love my dad.

"Hey sis we are staying for the game tonight you gona watch it" Emmet said with obvious excitement in his voice, typical Emmet.

"Mmm" I said trying to sit up but not having much luck, Charlie realize what I was trying to do and gently lifted me so my head and upper body was propped up with the many pillows behind me, I whimpered at the movement.

"You okay" Charlie asked, looking concerned and a little frightened.

"Yeah I'm okay, thanks dad." ow That hurt like hell.

Carlisle, Edward and Esme walked in just then they smiled when they noticed I was awake. Esme walked over kneeling in front of me.

"Hey sweetie did you sleep okay" she said smiling.

"Yeah sorry I just came here and slept that's really rude off me" I said, I was slightly embarrassed I had just come in and fallen asleep pretty much as soon as I arrived, not a very good first impression.

"No don't apologies for that, Bella you have just been released from hospital, your still healing I wouldn't of expected you to do anything more, please don't apologies for falling asleep darling you need as much rest as you can get, if that means falling asleep when you first get here then so be it." She said reassuringly smiling slightly shaking her head.

"Now I'm making sweat and sour chicken for dinner, I don't know if you wanted that or I could do you some soup if you would like and some toast, or some ham or…." But I cut her off.

"Sweet and sour chicken sounds lovely Esme thank you" I said, she smiled nodding.

"Okay that's great, would you like a drink of any think" I nodded.

"Could I have a glass of water please" I said reluctantly I hated people doing thinks for me but I felt really thirsty.

"Sure" she said getting up and leaving the room. Charlie was still looking a little nervous.

"I fine dad don't worry" I said holding his hand he reaches down and kisses my head gently I was feeling like an expensive china doll, I think he feels if he touches me I will fall apart he looked so sad at the moment all I wanted to do was hug him, he seemed to sense my need and leaned into my embrace, he was being very careful keeping his arms above my ribs, kissing my forehead before gently pulling back, I looked around and notice the room once again had just the three of us in, the Cullen's had all disappeared into the various rooms.

The smells of dinner wafting through the house made my tummy grumble in anticipation, it really did smell amazing.  
It wasn't long until Esme was calling everyone down for dinner, I felt a little awkward laying on the sofa, I wasn't sure how I was going to make it to the dining room table, I swung my legs around but before I could attempt to get up Carlisle worried face came into my view.

"Bella what are you doing" he asked nervously.

Well dinner ready and Esme calling everyone I was going to the table" I said. He looked incredulous.

"Bella we are not going to ask you to sit at the table, I will bring you your food with a tray and I don't want to see you attempting to get up on your own again okay, if you need anything tell one of us, or if you need the bathroom Esme or one of the girls will help. No walking." He said shaking his head in disbelief with a small smile. "Stay" he said. I pouted making him laugh.

To my surprise everyone joined me in the living room with trays of food on their laps, Edward sat on the floor by my head while Charlie sat by my feet, I looked over to him he was busy tucking into his dinner, he looked like he was really enjoying it, Esme's a remarkable cook, the food was amazing you could tell how much she enjoys cooking, she made sure Charlie and Emmet got a large helping which is a good thing because those two eat like horses, I am always making sure they have enough food on their plates.

Dinner went by slowly everyone chatted about what they did during the day, there was a real family atmosphere in the air, I think even Charlie was starting to relax more as the night set in, the excitement of the upcoming game was lingering in the air Charlie and Emmet loved there sports, but it seems so does the rest of the Cullen boys, Jasper and Emmet put a bet on who was going to win Emmet bet on Phoenix, while Jasper bet on Seattle.

**Ok I know it short and I haven't updated in ages but I'm not sure where I'm heading with this story I want to put a bit of twist into the story but have no idea what to do I feel it's getting boring if you have any ideas for the story please let me know if not I thing I'm going to finish it with her getting better or something please review and give me ideas thank you**


	21. Chapter 18

_Previously  
__To my surprise everyone joined me in the living room with trays of food on their laps, Edward sat on the floor by my head while Charlie sat by my feet, I looked over to him he was busy tucking into his dinner, he looked like he was really enjoying it, Esme's a remarkable cook, the food was amazing you could tell how much she enjoys cooking, she made sure Charlie and Emmet got a large helping which is a good thing because those two eat like horses, I am always making sure they have enough food on their plates._

_Dinner went by slowly everyone chatted about what they did during the day, there was a real family atmosphere in the air, I think even Charlie was starting to relax more as the night set in, the excitement of the upcoming game was lingering in the air Charlie and Emmet loved there sports, but it seems so does the rest of the Cullen boys, Jasper and Emmet put a bet on who was going to win Emmet bet on __Phoenix__, __while Jasper bet on Seattle._

Now-  
Finding Myself Chapter 18

I must have fallen asleep sometime during the evening because when I opened my eyes I was alone and in an unfamiliar room, I remember we were all sitting eating dinner waiting for the football match to start, I can't remember coming up here so someone must have carried me.

The full moon was staring through the window lighting up the room. I wanted nothing more than to fall back to sleep but I had a more pressing issue, I needed to use the bathroom. I struggled to sit up reaching over trying to find a lamp. I carefully moved my hand until I found the side of a surface, running my hand along I felt something cold and smooth, I realize with a jolt it was a glass, I reached beyond the glass finding a long obstacle stretching higher ignoring the protest in my chest I found the switch, the dim orange light awoke the room, sending warmth and safety through me.

I blinked a few times wiping the haze of sleep that is obscuring my vision, I looked down and was slightly shocked at the size of the bed I was on, I didn't know they made beds this big. I looked around noticing the room I was in for the first time. The room itself was huge, the walls colored with light golden and cream, everything shouted expensive at you but it was warm and inviting, a large flat screen television at the end of the bed, with all the latest digits I have no idea what they are. A large fluffy rug reaching half way across the room giving the room that soft touch. Each side of me cream coated bedside tables stand and at the end of the bed a large cream chest sat. I looked down at the beautiful quilt sheets running my hands over them enjoying the soft material, the rich gold and cream colors made the bed very enticing, a deep red throw had been placed at the end, keeping my legs warm and toasty.

I noticed three doors in the room, I wondered where they lead, My crutches had been placed at the end of the bed, With a pang of fear I contemplated if I could do this, I haven't had the chance to use the crutches before as everyone had been happy to carry me everywhere, my ribs had been far too sore to apply any pleasure to my upper body to support my weight.

The clock on the wall showed it to be 1.35 so I knew everyone would be asleep and Dad and Emmet probably left ages ago, I wish Emmet had stayed I could have called his mobile he would have woken and helped me. I broke my leg before a few years ago, he refused to let me walk around anywhere for nearly two weeks I though it was silly and it got on my nerves but he wanted to do it, I know he was upset with me coming to stay here, but he also knew I would be still stuck in the hospital for another week and he knows how I hate hospitals especially after going through everything with mum.

Pulling the heavy quilt away from my body. I took a deep breath and climbed to the end of the bed careful to avoid dragging my leg along with me. Grabbing hold of the crutches. I kept chanting in my head. _I can do this, I can do this._ It's not like I have never used crutches before just not with broken ribs, and the fact that I was never any good on them, and that I always had Emmet beside me making me feel safe yeah I though this is going to go well. I glanced around the room deciding on which door to try first I settled on the one directly at the end of the bed. I could always sit on the chess if I got to tired.

Slowly I stood up bringing the crutches under my armpit, slipping my arms through the circular holders, my grip was so tight my hands were turning white, I contemplated shouting out for someone but I knew that would be rude, I couldn't wake a house full of people just because I needed to use the bathroom, and going back to bed and holding on until the morning was not an option there is no way I could relax and fall to sleep so there was only one choice and that was go it alone, besides that's what crutches are design for, so people with broken legs can maneuver around it wasn't a big deal. That settled I decided to take my fist hesitant step away from the safety of the bed.

I did it, feeling more confident, I once again brought the crutches in front of me supporting my weight on my upper body bringing my legs in front of me, it was a slow process but I felt kind of proud of myself. Yes I Bella Swan proud I can walk without falling over.

I finally made it to the first door hoping with everything I had it was either a bathroom or the hallway, of course luck wasn't on my side as I opened the door to find a large dressing room filled to the brim with clothes, I almost cried out my disappointment as the pain in my chest reached its peak I knew I wouldn't last long and I had to find the bathroom quickly before it got worse, I felt as if i could have given up and collapsed on the floor, squeezing my eyes shut I groaned out loud, deciding to rest leaning heavily on the crutches and the door handle.

Turning my head I spotted the door on the right, I decided that was my next destination, straightening out the best I can, ignoring the pain in my whole body, I wobbled uneasily but determined to reach the second door, I almost laughed at the stupidity of it, most rooms only have one door leading in and out, but no not the Cullen's they have to torture me with three.

I finally reached the door pulling on the handle, I signed happily when I realized I was on a landing, I just hoped there was a bathroom, on this floor there is no way I was going to attempt any stairs. I could have tried the third door in my room to see if it's a bathroom but it was all the way on the other side of the room, and for all I know it could have been just another cupboard so I settled on the hallway, there is always a bathroom in a hallway. Looking around I spotted a closed door to the right of me so presumed that would be another bedroom. I decided to head left more doors this way, taking a long calming breath I hobbled from the room into the hallway, a small glass table was situated on the edge of the room with small yellow lamp sitting on top giving off a low glowing light. I maneuvered past the table being extra careful not to knock it with my crutches, I smiled in relief as I saw a opened door at the end of the hallway, I could just about make out a white basin through the slightly open door.

I'm surprised I hadn't woken anybody up with all the noise and puffing I was doing, sweat was pouring of my fore head, I felt like I was going to pass out from the pain, the nurses always helped me to the bathroom when I was in the hospital so I never really had to worry, such a simple everyday task has taken me forever to perform. I'm beginning to wonder if I would have been better staying at the hospital a bit longer at this rate.

I finally reached the bathroom smiling as I saw the much needed toilet, I gently pushed the door two I decided against locking it, just in case. I wasn't quite sure how I was going to do this, I thought for a few minutes before I decided to stand against the sink for support, dropping one of my crutches I leant it on the wall, I shackle took my spare hand trying not to topple over I pulled down my per jammer bottoms, I hadn't realized before someone must have dressed me in them, looks like Alice's doing, they were pink checker, not my type but they were comfy.

I grabbed hold of the crutch again and finally making it to the toilet. I didn't expect so much pain in my ribs as I sat down, I cried out in surprise, they were burning I felt terrible. Sitting there longer than normal, I didn't want to move the pain was fading the longer I sat still but I knew if I did not move I would not be able to, so with that in mind I decided with a pang of fear I needed to get up, Pain shot thought my chest as I clumsily stood, holding the toilet as support I re pulled my per jammers bottoms up grabbing the crutches and made it towards the sink.

I don't know how long it took me to do such a simply task, making it out of the bathroom I looked down the hallway, it looked longer then before, I started feeling exhausted and light headed, I was scared I had to make it back down the corridor and to back bed.  
I took a another deep breath letting it out slowly with new determination inside of me I put the pain to the back of my mind and concentrated on a spot ahead of me on the carpet, i looked at it knowing I could reach it in a few strides, and then i can concentrate on another spot, one spot at a time I decided this was my best option. I felt like a dying man trying to reach water that's never going to come, I didn't seem to be making any progress whatsoever.  
My vision was blurring as I realized I was crying with frustration.

I forgot it was there I don't know how but I just did, the only think there and I had to go and forget it. I hit it with my bad leg, I heard and ear pircing scream coming form somewhere, my mind recognizing as few seconds later that it was coming from me, I clamped my mouth shut not wanting to wake everyone, after all the effort I put in at keeping quite. I lost my balance as I felt pain everywhere. I flung my arms out ahead of me in an attempt to break my fall. But it was no use I crashed with a sickening sound of glass breaking around me, a sharp pain filled my head, and warm thick liquid ran down into my eyes. Sharp pain shot through my hand and arms, it was too much I couldn't hold the cry any longer; from somewhere I heard doors opening and people shouting. The burning seemed be taking control of all my senses and the pain was once again brought to the forefront of my mind  
"What's going on?  
"who's there?  
"Oh my god"  
"BELLA"

"Bella, Bella can you hear me, Edward get my bag it's in my study." Carlisle voice rang out beside me.

"I'm sorry I was using the bathroom I fell" I said, crying through the pain gritting my teeth.

"Shh its alright" He soothed me.

"Tell me what hurts Bella, Jasper can you hold her head for me" Carlisle said, I felt my head being lifted and placed into someone's lap, I looked up through my tears to see Jasper worried expression.

"ESME" Carlisle called. I saw her come back with towels in her hand and a damp cloth.

"Thank you darling" Carlisle said passing a towel to Jasper.

"Here hold this to her head try to slow the bleeding" Carlisle said in a calm voice.

"Oh my god what happened" Alice said as her and Rosalie came sleepily out there rooms, they both leaned down one each side of Jasper. Edward came running back up the stairs looking frantic handing Carlisle his medical bag, I knew this was hard for him, I would be beside myself if it was the other way round and Edward was hurt, he knelt down beside me taking my hand in his soothing me with his presents. Carlisle was applying pressure to my arms trying to stem the bleeding, I knew there was a lot of blood I could smell and it was making me feel sick, I felt bad for breaking the table, let alone all the blood that must be staining the carpet.

"Bella I'm going to lift you up and take you back to your room so I can check you over better, and you'll be more comfortable there okay" he said looking at me I nodded, I knew it was going to hurt I think my ribs might have re broken, I was just about ready to pass out and he knew it.

"I need you to stay awake, you might have a concussion, let me check then I can give you something for the pain, hold on okay sweetheart" I groaned at him. I didn't feel him lift me all I felt was a burning pain shoot through my chest, my breath catching at the sudden pressure, I started coughing and gagging as the the new position was making it hard to breath, suddenly I was being placed down on something soft.

"It's okay Bella stay with us okay I know it hurts, Jasper keep pressure on that wound," I felt pressure on both my arms,

"Someone help hold her up I need to get a look at her head wound" Carlisle spoke still calmly. I felt someone crawl on the bed behind me lifting me up, I learnt back relaxing as Edwards familiar scent engulfed me, I felt him rubbing my shoulders relaxing me further whispering comforting words into my ear as he gently lifted me into a siting position. Carlisle came in front of me blocking my view of the room so I was looking straight at his chest, I felt him gently pull my hair away, prodding against the wound, I hissed as he touched the sensitive skin around it, he stopped immediately. Pulling back as he gently held my shoulders, he reached over to his open bag that Edward had placed beside him on the bed he took out a pen light shining it in my eyes checking my pupils, he was in complete doctors mode.

"Bella can you tell me today's date" he asked looking into my eyes.  
" It the Saturday 11th January" I said confused. He smiled  
"What did you have for dinner" I furrowed my brows I didn't understand why he was asking me these questions, it's not like it is important at the moment maybe he forgot himself, he looked generally curious so I answered him.  
"Sweat and sour chicken" I said sounding more like a question, he smiled and nodded looking relived as he checked my pulse.

""You don't seem to have a concussion, that's good, Edward can you lay her back down please" he said smiling reassuringly at me. "I'm going to check your ribs okay" I nodded and grimaced as Edward laid me back down moving to the other side of the bed keeping hold of my hand. I looked around and noticed the others were still standing around the bed. Esme was standing at the side of Carlisle looking very worried I smiled at her. She smiled back warmly taking my hand and sitting on the bed by my side she gently rubbed circles in my palm, if felt nice, like a mother caring for her child.

I heard Carlisle signed sadly. "Bella I'm going to give you some pain medication and stitch up your head and the gashes in your arms, two of your ribs have moved so I'm going to have to reset them and bandage them back up, the medication will most likely make you sleepy." He said softly, I nodded.

I watched as Carlisle took the needle out of the bag, i grimaced feeling sick just looking at it, he filled the syringe with some clear liquid. Edward must have taken in my scared expression to the needle because he gently moved my head so I was looking at him.

"Bella love look at me," He said gently.  
"How come you seem to be always getting yourself in these bad situations." He asked lightly, no acquisition or anger in his voice just mild amusement. The other chuckled.  
I groaned at his question, "I don't know I only wanted to use the bathroom it seem like I can't even do that without having an accident, I'm a klutz deal with it" I said he chuckled and kissed my forehead. I felt a sharp prick in my right arm I whimpered slightly. I really wished Emmet and dad where here, Emmet can always calm me down.

"Esme I'm really sorry about the table and the carpet" I said my words slightly sloppy as I struggled to stay conscious  
"Don't be sweetheart its only a table it can always be replaced your far more important" she said running her hands along my forehead, the last think I felt was pressure on my head before everything went black.

**This was a really enjoyable chapter to Wright I really liked it, I promise the next chapter will be up soon I know I haven't wrote in a while but I though a break would be good, give me a chance to come up with some ideas on where I'm going with this of course any ideas out there are very welcome I love more input. Anyway I hope you enjoyed it as much as I love wrighting it so please review and let me know how much.**


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